-This is really exciting.
I was home recently at my parents' house
digging through the garage, and I found the first
video-game system I ever owned.
I don't know if you guys remember the Jorbus.
The Jorbus was made by now-out-of-business
department store Montgomery Ward.
Just a fantastic system.
And ever since I dug it up, I've been playing it nonstop.
A lot of Jorbus games were ahead of their time.
Let's take a look at some of them now
in a segment we call "Old Video Games."
[ Cheers and applause ]
Oh, boy.
Oh, the hours I spent with this one right here.
The old "Tonya Harding Skating."
It was such a fun --
In this game, you are a world-class figure skater
who's competing against Tonya Harding,
and the goal of the game
was to complete a figure-skating routine
while avoiding Tonya Harding's goons
who would come after you.
And you sort of hit "A" to jump over 'em.
And then you hit "B," you know,
to get low and then do a little duck.
And then the final boss was, of course, Tonya Harding herself,
and she would just sort of chase you,
and you'd have to just tap the buttons to go as fast
as you could, and then eventually,
she would trip on her shoelaces right there.
There you go. And that is, uh --
That was it. That's how you won. It was fun. It was fun.
[ Applause ]
The next game was inspired by the Chernobyl disaster of 1986.
[ Laughter ]
Okay.
It was "Chernobyl: The Game."
And what it did was it took place after the catastrophe.
You played as a Soviet official, and your goal was to eat up
all the paperwork that would show evidence
of governmental wrongdoing.
So let's just take a look at the gameplay.
So, there you are. You're this government head.
And you're eating up the paperwork, and those are --
Those are reporters, and they're trying to get ahold of you.
And then, uh, you would just eat this radioactive pill.
And then -- There you go. You just eat them all up.
And then you would win, and this would happen.
-Victory!
[ Applause ]
-So much fun. Jorbus.
By far, my favorite game growing up was
"Fitted Sheet: The Game."
[ Laughter ]
In "Fitted Sheet: The Game," you played as a single man
struggling to put a fitted sheet on a bed.
So much fun. Just check it out right here.
So, you got your fitted sheet, and it looks super-easy.
And you think, "All I got to do
is put it on this corner right there.
All right. Almost done.
Then I'm gonna go -- Oh, no! Oh, no!"
Then you just go down. You go like, "I got this.
Super easy." And then that one.
Then eventually you'd just give up,
and you would sleep on a box spring.
-You lose!
-The next game was called "Goodfellas: The Game,"
which was based on the Martin Scorsese film "Goodfellas."
People were excited when they bought it 'cause you assume
that it would have some of the exciting mafia scenes
from the film, but it actually took place
entirely in a restaurant.
You played as Henry Hill out on a date with his goomah,
but it turns out his wife, Karen, is in the restaurant.
And when Karen sees you,
you have to sneak out without getting caught.
-Henry! -So, she sees you,
and then she comes over, and you got to run around,
and maybe you get lucky,
and there's, like, a dessert tray that you hide behind.
And -- Oh, now she's coming the other way.
-Henry! -You hide behind a tree
or a little bush, whatever that it is.
And then, oh, there's some cocaine,
and that would be helpful 'cause you would get the cocaine,
and then you'd get out of there.
And it was awesome because it was really cool.
[ Applause ]
The game came with this bag of fake cocaine,
and it was fun for kids 'cause it was made with Pixy Stix
and a little bit of cocaine.
So...
The last one -- a Jorbus classic.
"Bobby Knight Basketball."
In this game, you play as legendary
Indiana Hoosiers basketball coach Bobby Knight
who had famously had a bad temper.
There was no actual basketball in this game.
Instead, you would just throw chairs at the opposing team
in an effort to get them off the court,
and then after you vanquish the team,
of course, the cops would show up.
Oh, no, sorry. The referees would show up.
Obviously, I've tipped what's happening next...
-Eat chair!
-...which is the police officers.
There you go. Rule of threes.
Now we get rid of those guys. -Take that chair!
-And then the really fun thing is in a tie-in
with the stories of the day.
Saddam Hussein was the last boss.
And that would be a case where you would root for Bobby Knight.
-Eat chair! -And it was so much fun.
What a fun game. Give it up for the Jorbus, everybody.