Hey guys, welcome back to my channel.
In this video, we're going to get into some role playing with a narcissistic mom.
The scenario is that a young adult is going through a really abusive breakup
and they go to their mom for help.
And if you have a narcissistic mom, you are most likely left really feeling unsupported,
unseen and often blamed and criticized.
And you'll see that play out in the role plays.
I'm doing the role plays in three ways.
The first is with the classic narcissistic mom.
I'm amping it up, but a lot of people do have a mom like this.
Try to take away the places where... or identify with the places if you have a narcissistic mom,
the places where you are not seen, where you're not supported and there's an abusive quality to it.
So that's the first role play. The second role play that I'm going to do is with the same scenario
of a young adult breaking up with somebody who is abusive
and to have that mom be healthy and supportive.
So the second role play is a healthy, supportive mom.
And the third role play is we go back to the narcissistic mom,
but the young adult is practicing more boundaries and being more empowered with a toxic parent.
So you'll see how it all kind of plays out.
Try to take away with what you identify with and hopefully there's some perspective of...
really pay attention the difference between the narcissistic mom,
the healthy mom and the empowered young adult.
So let's go into it.
Mom, I need to tell you something. I need some help.
I think I have to break up with Kate.
Why? She's so good for you! No.
Mom, it's it's been awful.
She's constantly picking fights.
She gives me a silent treatment that would last a few days
and according to her, I'm ruining her life.
I'm supposed to anticipate everything that she wants
and needs without telling me about it,
and I feel like I'm failing a test everyday.
Well, men aren't known to be very attentive
or aware, sweetie.
Are you sure you're not doing something stupid with her?
Why didn't I know about this sooner, too?
Mom, I know, but this is embarrassing.
She constantly puts me down,
she goes out drinking like four nights a week,
and she's constantly threatening to go find somebody else.
Well, look honey, nobody's perfect.
Maybe she's going through a phase.
Did you ever think about that?
I really like her.
I think she's the best girlfriend you've had so far
and also her mother and I get along so well,
it's going to be really awkward if you guys break up.
Mom, I was hoping that this wouldn't involve her parents
and what does that got to do with it?
There you go again, misunderstanding me.
Of course, a breakup would be devastating.
I'm just trying to make sure you're making the right decision.
Listen, as your mother
and no one on this planet knows you better than I do,
that you tend to get very, very sensitive.
You were born sensitive
and I wonder if this has something to do with what's going on.
Mom, I know.
I know I'm sensitive and she tells me that too.
Sometimes I feel like this is all in my head,
but she gets really abusive.
She threw her phone at me the other night
and our fights get so bad that the neighbors have to come in and check in on us.
She starts screaming and it freaks the whole building out.
Well, I don't know what to tell you.
And I hope that things get really worked out between the two of you.
I'd hate to lose a friendship with her mom over this.
Listen, are you sure you're not doing something annoying?
It's taken him years, but your father has finally learned not to push my buttons
and things go so much more smoothly between us.
Honey, women get passionate, sure,
but I really don't think you can do better than her.
I guess I'll think about it, Mom.
I gotta go.
You just don't like what I have to say, do you?
I would just hate to see you make one of your classic dramatic mistakes.
But suit yourself, fine. It's your choice.
OK, so here's the role play with the healthy mom.
Mom, I need to tell you something.
I could really use your help.
I have to break up with Kate, I think.
Really? Oh, my God, honey, I'm sorry.
Tell me what's going on.
It's been awful.
She constantly picks fights over nothing,
she does these silent treatments at last for days.
According to her, I'm ruining her life
and I'm supposed to anticipate everything she needs
and wants without communicating anything to me.
It's like I fail this major test every day.
How awful.
Honey, how long has it been going on like this?
God, this is embarrassing,
but at least since we moved in together like six months ago.
She's constantly putting me down,
she goes out drinking four times a week
and she even threatens to find somebody else.
Oh, that is so not OK.
I'm so sorry.
You don't have to feel embarrassed with me, this happens.
This is what... it's part of dating,
that when people show their true colors.
Unfortunately, it happens.
I had a gut feeling about her that something might have been off, and I'm really glad you came to me.
Tell me more, Tony.
OK, well, sometimes I feel like this is all me in my head,
though, but she gets abusive.
She threw her phone at me the other day
and our fights get so bad that our neighbors have to check in on us.
She starts like screaming at me and everyone gets freaked out and asks if we need help.
Then the next day, she'll pretend like nothing happened
and she's over it,
it's really confusing.
That's so emotionally abusive.
That's awful.
What can I do to get you out of this fast?
You don't have to spend another second in this.
What a bitch.
God, Mom, thank you. That's just the thing.
It's like she makes me feel like...
like, I cause everything when I don't.
Does she do that thing where she can't own anything that she does?
Oh, my God, Mom. Yes, totally.
Let's get you out of this.
Can you maybe break up with her today?
Yeah, I think I can do that.
It's been awful, but every day is awful anyway.
There you go. That's smart. That's really smart.
I'm proud of you.
She sounds miserable anyway you cut it.
Can I check in with you later on tonight,
and can you maybe stay with somebody?
Yeah, I'd love that and yeah, I can do that.
I can ask Mike if I can go over there tonight,
it'd be fine with him.
Good. Honey, I'm proud of you.
And no one has time for something like this, honey,
I love you.
Love you too, Mom. Thanks.
OK, and here's the role play where the person sets the boundaries with the narcissistic mom.
Mom, I need to tell you something. I need help.
I think I have to break up with Kate.
Why? She's so good for you. No!
No, mom, she actually isn't good for me.
It's been awful.
She constantly picks fights with me over nothing,
and she does these silent treatment that last for days.
According to her, I'm ruining your life
and I'm supposed to anticipate everything she needs without communicating anything to me.
I feel like I fail a major test every day.
Well, honey, men aren't known to be very attentive or aware.
Are you sure you're not doing anything stupid with her?
Why didn't I know about this sooner?
Well, I'm telling you now, Mom.
I need help about it and I don't see how it's about gender.
Can you just listen to me and what I'm saying?
Geez, fine, I'm all ears.
She's been constantly putting me down,
she goes out drinking like four nights a week
and she constantly threatens to go find somebody else.
Listen, really. Look, you're a sensitive guy,
and I'm just going to say it.
Nobody's perfect, honey,
and she's the best girl you've dated.
And besides, her mom and I get along really well.
Mom, you just made the whole thing about you
while taking my abusive girlfriend's side.
Let's call it a day if you can't be supportive to your own son. OK?
There you go again, misunderstanding me.
I just want to make sure you're not making a mistake,
which you know you are making a mistake,
otherwise you wouldn't call me to rescue you out of it.
Let's stop the convo, mom.
I'm your son and it's appropriate to trust what I'm saying and be supportive.
If you really can't do that, let's just agree to disagree.
I don't know what you want from me.
You're not understanding me.
It's best that I don't bring this stuff to you
and I'm going to go. Take care.
So I wanted to convey what the narcissistic mom is like,
and I hope you guys can pay attention to what was going on in these things.
There was kind of a theme throughout the three of them in that we were looking for the ways
that the narcissistic mom does not support,
but also portrays the kid as the problem.
And I think that that's a very important element to the narcissistic mom.
And the role play is actually about thinking in ways,
if you had a mom like this, thinking about ways that you might have a hard time
with your own perception of when you're being treated poorly
and whether you can or cannot get support or not from people
and just really sort of trusting your gut.
Because when you have a mom like this and you had that mom in childhood,
in our adulthood, it's really hard to trust our gut and to know when we're being treated poorly.
That's not true for all trauma survivors, but I find this generally to be kind of a common theme.
And when if you were to think back to the person who had this in the first round,
I find that after a conversation like that,
guilt and shame would overtake you and that the person might call their mom back
and apologize and really make the wrong decision
and decide to stay with the person as crazy as that sounds.
But notice, when you walk away from a conversation with the narcissistic parent,
the narcissistic mom, is they do a lot of things, as you saw in the role play,
to get you to feel like you're the problem and how dare you for not agreeing with them
and that you're just, you know, like there's something just wrong with you.
I hope that makes sense.
So if you like the video, leave some comments or some questions.
Hopefully it sort of makes sense to you and hopefully it was helpful.
And we'll see you next time. Take care.