- We're gonna get five random suggestions
from different sections of the room,
then we're gonna drop beat,
do a freestyle rap.
If you are sat in this section here,
what would you like a rap about?
(crowd murmurs)
- [Crowd Member] Magic sorcerer.
- You say magic surfer?
- [Crowd Member] Sorcerer.
- Sorcerer.
Thank you very much.
Again, I think my option was even more exciting, but no,
a magic sorcerer.
And thank you for clarifying a *magic* sorcerer.
(crowd laughs)
I'm excited to hear what a normal sorcerer would be.
(crowd laughing)
Are you a sorcerer?
A magic one.
All right, mate, calm down.
(crowd laughing)
Okay, let's come over here.
What would you like a rap about?
- [Crowd Member] Greek brothels.
- Greek brothels.
Thank you very much, sir.
(crowd laughs)
Yes.
That did need clarification as well
because when I, when I hear brothel,
I don't automatically go,
it's a Greek one, isn't it?
(crowd laughs)
- It's ancient Greek brothels.
- Ancient Greek.
Oh, that's someone who realized
they didn't want to be called out as racist then,
and they were like,
if it's in the past, it's fine.
(crowd laughs)
It's true, isn't it? You know?
Oh, oh, I'm a prostitute, oh cool,
but he's like, Oh, I'm a prostitute in ancient times.
Oh, I bring some weight to it, some gravitas.
So the magic sorcerer and an ancient Greek brothel.
This side of the room so far.
These are quite good suggestions, right?
And high hopes for how this will continue.
Middle of the room,
what would you like a wrap about?
- [Crowd Member] New York Jets
- [Another Crowd Member] No...
- Your suggestion was just repudiated by someone
at your table.
(crowd laughs)
The New York Jets.
No.
(crowd laughs)
It's the way of the crowd.
They don't like it.
I mean, we can come to this.
You guys can steal their suggestion.
What do you want a rap about?
- [Crowd Member] Being trapped in an open house
that's out of your price range.
- Being trapped in an open house
that is out of your price range.
(crowd laughs)
Incredible. Wow.
Look at, Yeah, Look at all you people here.
You're all home hunters being trapped
in open house outta your price range.
This section, what do you want a rap about?
- [Crowd Member] A Nigerian lawyer who loves air fryers.
- A Nigerian lawyer who loves air fryers.
Are you a Nigerian lawyer who loves air fryers?
- [Crowd Member] I'm not a lawyer. I love air fryers.
You're not a lawyer, but are you Nigerian?
- [Crowd Member] I am.
Amazing.
So you just, you added in a new aspiration,
or what's your job?
- [Crowd Member] I work in fitness.
- You work in fitness, so it is aspi-, good-
I mean, is it rude to say
that lawyer ranks above working in fitness as a vocation?
- [Crowd Member] Yes.
- It is?
It's accurate though, isn't it?
So...
I mean, it depends.
Look, I mean, look, lawyer is better than comedian.
Lawyer is a very...
Okay, fine, you fuckin'
(crowd laughs)
Anti-...
What, do you want the system to collapse?
(crowd laughs)
What if the lawyer is like a human rights lawyer?
Oh, we like them now.
That's not the lawyer I was picturing.
I was like, fuckin' yeah,
a prosecutor who was really racist, right?
(crowd laughs)
A Nigerian lawyer who loves air fryers.
Thank you very much.
So you love air fryers because you work in fitness
and they are the the most healthy way to fry food.
The other option is to just not fry food at all,
but...
(crowd laughs)
where is the joy in that?
A Nigerian lawyer who loves air fryers.
It's a good suggestion.
New York Jets, no, they didn't want that.
Being trapped in an open house that you can't,
that's out of your price range.
Ancient Greek brothels.
Some good magic sorcerers.
What sport are the New York Jets in?
Because I presume-
(crowd jeers)
(crowd laughs and cheers)
What?
(crowd whoops)
(crowd talks all at once)
- [Crowd Member] Soccer.
- Football, but not my kind of football.
Okay.
Okay, where does the name Jets come from?
What's the etymology of that?
- [Crowd Member] JFK.
- JFK?
- [Crowd Member] LaGuardia.
- LaGuardia.
There's some arguments going on.
You're naming airports.
(crowd laughs)
Okay.
Are they-
(crowd laughing)
I mean, are they considered a good team or a bad team?
- [Crowd] Bad.
- A bad team.
Everyone really know-
Is this a corporate outing for the New York Jets?
(crowd laughs)
Okay, well, this is what we're gonna do.
We're gonna make up a rap about all those things.
It's gonna be very enjoyable.
It's not really went near as atrociously, embarrassingly bad
as you're expecting a privately educated,
middle class, white British boy to be.
So
Let's do this.
(rapping) I want to lose weight.
Want to avoid to putting on calories.
Nigerian lawyer comes up to me, says,
Chris, I'm no liar like Nigerian princes.
Use this fryer.
I say, Hey, I'll take care.
(crowd whoops)
How does it fry all of the food when it's just the air?
He explains to me, You gotta add a little drop.
The oil stars to condense and gets hot.
Then it moves around.
(crowd laughs)
The paddle goes through.
Nigerian lawyer, thank you.
Your country's like 400 million people
(crowd cheers)
gonna grow larger.
It's going to equal America.
And surpass it someday.
Bringing all the air fryer.
Yum, yum, tummay [tummy].
I'm so excited.
The best you can get.
Basically the opposite of the New York Jets.
(crowd shouts and cheers)
Why
I confused about it.
Shouting like they're shit without it.
No need for the team.
Not the best of all.
What should they play?
Not my kind of football.
(crowd shouts)
That's the one that you use with your toes.
This is the one in your hand.
If you chose to support the team
and shout at a comedy show,
New York Jets!
some guy will just say, No, we don't want that.
No need for the rap.
I take it and fling it in your face right back.
You sat there, slapped your open mouth like a man trapped
Then in an open house
(crowd cheers)
he starts to worry,
says, This is so strange.
I walked in but clearly out on my price range.
I thought it.
I saw it.
The rent is startled.
I looked to the countertops.
They're all marble.
(crowd laughs)
I'm not partial to this type of decoration.
Fish should have a fist fight with the estate agent.
The person showing me the realtor, I'm like,
fuck, I've got another one at three.
I need to leave, but there's no way to escape.
They look at me.
I made the mistake
of putting on my finest shirt
so they think I earned the money.
They think that I'm a lawyer and they look at me funny.
Your prosecutor or some type of human rights.
I see a Greek girl.
Yeah, I'll fuck you tonight.
But look, in the present day
she'll have me back in history.
Ariadne might be her name.
That's a Greek one.
People over there saying,
Yeah, he's got it going on.
She goes down.
She's got a subtle warm mouth, then she's Greek,
so of course big bushy eyebrows.
(crowd shouts)
Is that offensive?
No, it's in the past.
It's fine for me to do it.
Why? Because I asked.
I go there.
I say, Oh, I've got a lot to learn.
And then they put it on some ancient Grecian urn
painting it in just the orange and the black.
That's the type of pottery they did way back.
Mycenaean periods, maybe Minoan.
Last thing, I went and saw a magic show
and this guy stood on stage.
I'm like, Yes, you.
This guy's incredible.
Looks like Dumbledore, a very long beard.
(crowd laughs)
Are you sure there is magic with this man who's a sorcerer?
He says, My life was hard, ever so tragic.
But then I rubbed a lamp and gained the magic.
Say, this is incredible.
I'd watch you for hours.
You genuinely have the magic powers.
He says, Yes, the spirit's in my vein.
I'm better than Copperfield and David Blaine.
I say, You're really overselling it just a little bit.
I'm magic.
You're a little shit.
Whoa, calm down.
(crowd laughing)
What the fuck are you doing?
Rabbit it from the hat all the things you're pursuing.
Then he does some stuff that makes my knees go weak.
Like the lady that I met in the brothel who's Greek.
(crowd cheers)