- What if living by these three rules
would put you in the top 1% of men or masculine energy?
However, you wanna look at it.
Now, in general, when it comes to this,
it changes absolutely everything
when you become aware of some of the energies
that were activated that were keeping you
in certain states, keeping you in a certain energy.
When you become aware of those energies,
you can then make a new choice about who you are
and completely switch the energy
and change it from the inside out.
Now, one of the things that happens very often
when it comes to attracting someone, in general,
and especially attracting feminine energy,
is understanding that if there is any level whatsoever
of neediness, the energy of neediness,
that will block love from coming into your life,
that will block attraction from coming into your life.
So the first rule to understand about putting yourself
in the top 1% of men or masculine energy
is simply letting go of needy energy.
Think of needy energy as a repellent.
If you have any level of needy energy on you,
it is literally repelling love.
It is running away from you.
Now, needy energy, let's define what needy is.
Needy energy is when somebody
is putting someone else on a pedestal.
Someone else is being put on a pedestal
and their thoughts, their validation, their approval
is more important than yours.
So what ends up happening
is someone is put on a pedestal energetically,
they then respond to that energy dynamic
and treat the person the way that they're being treated,
they're embodying that those characteristics.
So for example, if you treat someone like a celebrity,
they will treat you like a fan.
What neediness is, is putting someone else on a pedestal.
So maybe there's someone that you're attracted to,
someone that you really like,
you hope everything works out with,
and what you end up doing is making it really important
that things happen well
and that creates resistant energy.
And what's really happening is deep down
there's a neediness,
a need of that person's validation or approval
in order to feel safe, in order to feel good.
And the reason that repels
is because it's literally manipulative energy.
It is looking for something on the outside
to fulfill the inside.
And I'm sure you've had it before.
I used to work in a sales commission job
and it's like the more needy energy you have,
the more it literally repels customers.
And you've probably walked into a store before,
have you ever walked into a store
where somebody's like, "Can I help you with something?"
Especially if it's a commission sales job, you know?
You could smell that they want the commission.
Walk into a used car dealership
and watch how people just either start coming up to you.
They want your attention.
They wanna sell you a car.
The more needy they are, the more you will feel that
and it will just repel you.
And the same way,
and the reason being is because they want something
that is manipulative.
They want you to buy a car
because then that will help their paycheck.
Sometimes though, you'll get a car salesperson
that just wants to add value,
that like really wants to give you great customer service.
That's a different energy too.
Now imagine that you go on a date with somebody
and you want them to like you.
You want them to appreciate you.
You want them to validate you.
You want them to have sex with you.
But want, want, want, want,
that is needy energy and it is manipulative.
So instead of wanting that from them,
it comes from a different energy.
The energy it comes from is more collaborative.
It's more fun.
It's more in the moment.
It's more present.
It also comes with the recognition
that what you have is not what I need.
It's becoming aware that a lot of times
what we're searching for in someone else
is for them to meet the unmet childhood needs
that weren't met.
So we have unmet childhood needs,
a lot of times validation and approval,
and feeling like we're not good enough.
So then what happens is we attract somebody
that we can try to prove it to.
And then we want their validation, their approval,
and we want them to close the loop from childhood.
The challenge is putting out that needy energy
literally blocks it.
So the key to this, a lot of times,
is becoming aware of the unmet childhood needs,
observing it, and then observing it in yourself
when you're around somebody else.
Because a lot of times what you'll do is you'll find
to make someone else happy, to make someone else approving,
you will abandon yourself in the process.
Really what this is, is an abandonment wound.
Neediness, a lot of times, is birth of an abandonment wound:
the abandonment wound of not feeling chosen,
not feeling good enough,
having an emotionally unavailable or physically
and emotional parent.
And what that means
is then trying to change your own center of gravity
to make someone else happy
in order to not be abandoned.
Now, the funny thing is,
is we've already abandoned ourselves
to get somebody else to meet our needs.
But the key and the power to this
is to become aware of your own values
and begin to actually live by them.
Now, this leads us into the second rule
for becoming the top 1% of masculine of all men.
That has to do with allowing the feminine to feel safe
by being in your own frame.
Now, being in your own frame
is kind of similar to the first one, the neediness.
Because really what this is,
is it's not searching on the outside
for something you can only give on the inside,
but it's becoming aware that your identity,
how you are showing up in the world,
is based on your set of values.
Now, what happens is when there's neediness
or when we don't have a strong frame,
our values are what your values are.
Whatever your values are, mine are too,
because I need your validation and approval.
We tune, it's the people pleaser mentality:
tuning to other people's energy in order to please
so you can get in exchange the validation or the approval.
Now the power is in becoming aware of the energy
and choosing your own set of values.
Your own values that you are living by
are dictating what you're getting in your life.
Now, when I was able to have more magnetic energy
and to be more in my own masculine energy,
it came from having values that were more in alignment
with the more masculine embodied version of myself.
Now, the thing is, there's a book.
It's called "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck."
And basically, the whole book is about realizing
that we give too much of a shit
about what other people think of us.
We give too much of shit about a lot of stuff
that really doesn't matter.
And the key is to actually give a shit
about things that you really value
and that are actually healthy.
So you're gonna give a shit about something.
It's just that if you give a shit about the wrong things,
you then embody that energy,
and it can actually work against you.
Now, when it comes to not having
and being in your own masculine energy
or it also comes from that energy, just in general,
that kind of gets messed up,
what ends up happening though
is you're living by values
that you chose during childhood to live by,
but they're outdated.
So for example, when I made the biggest shift
in my own energy, I was valuing,
I was caring about what other people thought of me,
other people's validation, other people's approval,
feeling significant in the world.
These are all things that were important.
Wasn't really aware of it. Some of it I was, but I was like,
"Wow, I really crave all of these
because it was my unmet childhood needs as a kid."
And I was living by this.
So imagine living as a people pleaser,
wanting not other people to reject me
'cause their approval meant so much to me.
I had to work so hard on YouTube
just to build a million followers on YouTube
so I could finally be worthy and enough
and prove people wrong that didn't believe in me.
These were all built on that premise
of the belief I'm not good enough.
There's something wrong with me.
In order to cover up the shame,
it's like I'll get people's approval.
I'll be significant. I'll look this way.
I'll have people's validation.
But the challenge is then I'm living by these things
that are abandoning the real me.
And it's living according to that false belief
that I'm not worthy.
I'm not good enough.
Eventually, what I began to do
is I began to live by higher values.
Those higher values were authenticity, vulnerability,
the ability to be present, being adventurous, having fun.
As I started living according to those values,
it changed the whole way I was embodying who I am.
And to become aware of your values just start to...
Your values are kind of like your virtues you live by.
The virtues you live by
are normally on autopilot from childhood,
but by becoming aware of them, you can then realize, wait,
you can catch yourself
the next time you start trying to please someone else.
You're like, "Wait, why am I doing this?
Why am I trying to please you?
What am I trying to get from you?"
And then you could start realizing,
"Oh, I can please myself.
I need to first off stop abandoning myself.
I need to set boundaries with someone else
because I need to honor myself.
And it completely changes your energy.
And I'll tell you,
the stronger set of boundaries you have,
the more attractive you are in general.
The more I started growing on YouTube
and the more I started having my own life,
like a gravity to my own life,
the more I had to say no to other things,
because I just have too many things going on.
And living according to your own values
is the key to having magnetic energy.
And it allows,
I remember, even back in the day,
an ex-girlfriend of mine was vegan
and I was vegan for a while.
And I remember that when I'd go out,
I'd like completely abandoned,
whatever I wanted didn't matter
even though I was eating meat,
like eating fish and stuff.
But I would go wherever they wanted to go
because they wanted their vegan food.
So I'd find a place that had the best vegan food.
And I would do that for months on end.
I could tell that it was almost like I was abandoning myself
to make and please somebody else.
And I could tell that it wasn't attractive to this person.
The funny thing was that then,
I remember when I met my girlfriend now,
she's she was vegan when I met her.
And when I met her,
it was funny because it was like, she was...
I bought her all of this food from Whole Foods,
all this vegan food,
all this like artificial BS food that she wouldn't even eat,
and I didn't know it at the time
because I was just meeting her.
But I completely, I was almost considering,
the old me was considering pretending to be vegan
for a day or two just to see and gauge her
to where she was at.
But instead what ended up happening
is when she came to my house,
I ended up just saying, "You know what?
I'm just gonna be the real me.
I'm gonna express the real me."
And what I ended up doing,
and that meant like eating what I wanted to eat,
and what I wanted to eat was bison.
So what ended up happening is she came over, I eat bison,
and I could tell that it was a new reality for me
because I felt more free.
I also felt like the real me.
I wasn't hiding anything.
And I could tell that it was more attractive
because I wasn't tuning to someone else
to get their approval.
I was like, just saying, "This is me.
This is what I wanna eat."
So this is the key to realizing
that the respect you want is on the other side
of having the courage to be the real you.
Even as I say that right now,
I know that there's some people
that are watching this video
that for some reason, people always assume I'm vegan
because I make spiritual content.
So obviously, that's what a lot of people think.
However, expressing that it's like,
ooh, there's gonna be some people
that don't like me as much now
because I said that I don't eat just plants.
And that's like,
I'm aware that that's how some people feel.
However, even if you feel that way,
you probably respect
that I have the courage to express that.
Even if your mind doesn't like it
because it has a rule that says that spiritual people
shouldn't be eating meat.
So it's interesting.
The process is becoming aware of those energies,
becoming aware of this, 90% of all transformation.
And that leads to the third rules of masculine energy
that will put you in the top 1%,
and that is living by the power of vulnerability.
The value of vulnerability, if you live by that,
it is way more attractive
than living by the values that we were talking about before
of wanting people's approval, validation, et cetera.
But what ends up happening is vulnerability
is the cure and the antidote to shame.
Now, shame is a belief that says I'm broken.
If you had an emotionally unavailable parent growing up,
if they physically left maybe,
or something happened and they broke trust
and you internalized,
maybe they're divorced or something
and said, "I'm broken or something wrong with me."
Now what ends up happening is, in order to hide that shame,
we try to please, we try to put on this persona,
we try to get significance.
And the key and the cure to shame is vulnerability.
Vulnerability:
vulner means wound and ability is ability.
So the ability to go into the wound,
the ability to show your wound.
Now, the interesting thing is when you are vulnerable,
not only is it more attractive,
but it is also more connective.
It's a big thing that lacks nowadays in common culture
because there's Instagram significance and all this BS.
Emotionally expressing the real you will be a relief
to whoever you're dating, I promise you that.
There's three types of vulnerability.
There's emotional vulnerability,
the ability to express your true emotion,
which as a people pleaser, nice guy,
I had to shed that identity.
That meant like sharing and showing sexual attraction
that I had.
That meant sharing and showing my feelings, my emotions,
not knowing I was gonna be,
believing and knowing that I could express it
and not be rejected, not be like abandoned.
And having the courage to do that changed everything.
Because the people in your life are reflecting back
the vulnerability that you're embodying.
If there's a lack of vulnerability,
then you'll attract people
that also aren't expressing that vulnerability.
So emotional vulnerability.
The next one is social vulnerability:
the ability to maybe walk over
and have the courage to walk over to introduce yourself
to someone you're attracted to;
the ability to show maybe PDA;
or to be like emotionally expressive
in public with maybe your significant other
or the person you're dating.
It takes courage to do that,
but it's also attractive
because you're embodying vulnerability.
The third one is physical vulnerability.
Being able to touch somebody else
in a non creepy way, of course.
The creepiness, by the way,
is if you need something from them, that's creepy.
If you're emotionally and physically connecting
with somebody else
and you're in the moment, then it's not creepy,
if your intentions aren't manipulative
or trying to get that pleasing energy.
So that physical vulnerability expresses
also how you're feeling.
So for me, that meant when I was dating,
I would hold myself back
from showing physical and emotional vulnerability
because I didn't wanna get rejected.
But then I'd be dating women that were like,
"Does he like me or not?"
They wouldn't know.
And then it would drag on too long.
And then it would end up being like really weird.
So what I learned though is right from the beginning
when I met my girlfriend, I was expressive.
I was showing her that I was sexually attracted to her
and like emotionally attracted
and that changed the whole energy.
That set the frame and and established the polarity.
So the things that puts you in the top 1%
have to do with your values, living by your own values,
getting rid of the old values,
living by vulnerability
and completely eradicating needy energy in your body
by embodying your own magnetic frame,
by being present in your own frame of reality.
And as you do that, it changes absolutely everything.
Now, one of the most powerful meditations I have
is an inner child meditation.
So if you want to meet the needs of your own inner child,
it's one of the most powerful meditations I have,
all you gotta do is click the link below
or go to aarondoughty.com/child, aarondoughty.com/child.
Check that meditation out.
It's one of my most powerful ones.
We energetically go to Kauai, Hawaii
to completely reparent our own inner child.
And we activate that energy
so that we can then attract the love we want,
be safe in our own frame, and have magnetic energy.
Now also there's a video right here
that's one of my most powerful videos
and it has to do with why when you walk away,
all the energy comes back to you.
That's the key to attracting a specific person,
but really it's the key to letting go
so that you can be free in your own energy.
Watch this video right here.
In this video,
I'm gonna show you the weird reason walking away
actually has so much magnetic energy
that it can propel back things to you that you priorly lost.
Now, energetically, there's something that is happening
when somebody walks away, what they are.