hello friends everyone beats themselves
up sometimes but this is for the ADHD
tend to be more self-critical than
others which might be because we receive
more criticism than others according to
one study children with ADHD receive
twenty thousand more Corrections than
neurotypical children by the age of
twelve that criticism gets internalized
and can lead to automatic negative
thoughts any time we mess up or fail if
we let these thoughts dominate and beat
ourselves up for our failures it becomes
scarier to go out there and try again if
we push our feelings down or ignore them
we rob ourselves of a powerful coping
mechanism for dealing with the
challenges of life the ability to
comfort ourselves we talk about this a
little in the wall waffle about how
compassion can make our walls a little
easier to climb but today I want to talk
about specific ways to practice it for
ourselves
first off what is self compassion in the
words of dr. Kristin Neff one of the
leading researchers on self compassion
instead of mercilessly judging and
criticizing yourself for various
inadequacies or shortcomings self
compassion means you are kind and
understanding when confronted with
personal failings after all who ever
said you were supposed to be perfect
when we accept ourselves as we are we
can better understand where we are and
how to get to where we want to go it's
kind of like an emotional GPS to figure
out how to get somewhere it helps to
accept not just where we want to be but
also where we're starting from to meet
ourselves where we're at nicely because
being beaten up is not a wonderful way
to start a journey so how do we practice
self compassion
according to dr. Neff there are three
elements to self compassion one common
humanity common humanity is the
understanding that nobody is perfect and
everybody makes mistakes we don't
usually get to see other people's
mistakes but we do see everything about
our own lives and of course we feel
inadequate comparing our raw footage to
other people's highlight reels but if
we're open and honest about our
struggles instead of hiding them it
encourages other people to be open and
honest about theirs realizing we're not
the only ones struggling makes it easier
to forgive ourselves when we feel like
we're messing up this is why I put out
the last video on how to fail at YouTube
there's also a great movement
this called hashtag half the story that
encourages people to share the part of
their story they usually hide check it
out - mindfulness mindfulness is about
being present in the moment and paying
attention to our thoughts and feelings
without judging them it's about being
able to sit with difficult feelings and
not immediately trying to fix them I'll
link to a video on a mindfulness
exercise but it's something that's
pretty easy to practice anytime
whatever you're doing pay attention to
it focus on how you feel what your
senses are telling you you may notice
that you're judging yourself that's okay
mindfulness is about accepting what
we're thinking and feeling and that
includes judgments taking a few times a
day to practice mindfulness can help
counter our tendency to avoid or
suppress unpleasant emotions so that
instead of fighting against or getting
swept away by our emotions we can learn
to take a moment to pause reflect and be
more intentional in the actions we take
3 self kindness self kindness is the
practice of being gentle and
understanding to ourselves when we
suffer or fail instead of beating
ourselves up we recognize that suffering
and failure are inevitable parts of life
and ADHD we accept that things didn't
happen as we wanted and it's okay if we
feel upset about that or sad or hurt
once we've taken time to pause and
comfort ourselves then we can start to
think about how to make things better in
the future this is easier said than done
if you're used to beating yourself up
self kindness can feel super
uncomfortable at first and take some
serious practice one great exercise that
can help is to identify a problem that
you're struggling with and then think
about how you would talk to a friend who
is struggling with that same problem
what would you say what would you do
what tone of voice would you use write
down your answers to these questions and
then do the same thing but with what you
say to yourself in your head and see how
your responses differ I know for me when
a friend comes to me with a problem I
listen I sometimes get distracted but
mostly I listen I try to make them feel
safe I validate their struggle and
remind them that they're not alone but
with myself I'm really harsh I focus on
what I should have done or what needs to
be done without giving myself space to
process my thoughts and emotions and
that's not gonna change overnight maybe
you're not ready to say it's okay let's
go get ice cream the next time you mess
up a project at work maybe you can start
by reminding yourself that this project
was out
out of your comfort zone and yeah you
failed but you can learn something from
that failure start by showing yourself a
little more of the kindness you would
show a friend of course self compassion
doesn't mean we're never gonna suffer or
experience unpleasant emotions what it
does mean is we'll be able to cope with
them and learn from them that's it for
this episode thank you to my brain
advocates and all my patreon brains for
your support which reminds me that I'm
doing work that matters and helps me be
more compassionate to myself when I'm
struggling like subscribe click all the
things so you don't miss anything and I
will see you next time bye bean
[Music]