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We all seek happiness,
emotional support
and a loving relationship.
So we will talk today at length
not so much in details but about
some principles which govern
the laws of happiness,
how to increase emotional intelligence
and better our relationships.
Let me start this session with a quote
from a German Philosopher, Schopenhauer.
He asked,
“How can we determine whether a man is happy or unhappy?”
He defined true happiness as the complete satisfaction of all desires.
Is it possible?
You could say that the happiness of a person
can be described mathematically
in one of those lighter moments,
this equation
came as an inspiration.
Like, if all desires are fulfilled;
let's say you had
ten desires
and out of these ten desires, all ten desires are fulfilled.
That means: 10 ÷10 x100 = 100%.
There will be 100% happiness. Isn't it?
Let's say if out of these ten, only five are fulfilled;
then it would be 50%.
But think of an individual who says
he has no desires.
The total number would be zero.
So what would happen to this equation?
Happiness = Number of desires fulfilled / Total number of desires
When the total number of desires tends to zero,
anything you divide by zero remains indeterminate.
In earlier days we used to call it 'infinite'.
In a desire-less state,
we don't expect anything.
When we don't expect anything,
we don't manipulate others.
Why would I have to even manipulate or think about
having a better relationship,
for example, for the sake of my happiness or for the sake of
fulfilling my desires?
In that case,
my happiness is dependent on outside.
I will fail in my life if I constantly, all through, depend on others.
Human evolution is all about self-dependency,
though we interact in the society with a lot of love,
and we support each other at an emotional level.
The higher the emotional intelligence,
that person is considered to be more
empathetic in nature,
more considerate, more compassionate.
And who can be more compassionate?
Can a heart
which is discontent
can be compassionate?
When you expect nothing,
you accept everything,
is it possible?
In a certain state,
no matter what happens around us,
when we realise
that “Something is beyond me,
I am pushed into a certain situation
where I have no other choice but to accept that scenario,”
that is a good situation.
Though...
it can bring about a lot of turbulence and turmoil in life,
accepting whatever be the situation...
helps us.
Suppose you don't accept certain things that have happened in the family
and you go on fighting;
what do you learn out of this?
But the moment we learn things wisely
we accept,
because...
your heart says,
because your heart feels that love.
Love makes us forget all kinds of defects in others,
and it is out of this love
that acceptance emerges out of
compassion.
How does one destroy the inner emotional state?
Our experiences show that when we are angry,
that is the moment
when we lose this inner emotional balance;
that happiness seems to
simply disappear in a fit of anger.
And when does anger appear in the heart?
When certain things are happening against
your will or against your desire.
So such disappointment
leads to anger,
anger makes us lose our balance,
and once we lose our mental equilibrium,
somehow we lose our humanity because
humanity,
that human nature, human character,
is all about the humanness
which arises from the heart.
And the heart is in a state of anger because a small desire was not fulfilled.
Then it speaks a lot about our nature.
We need to change that inner nature so that
we...
remain in a position to accept things.
If we want to have infinite happiness, infinite bliss,
then...
we ought to minimise
the number of desires
from more and more of it
to less and less,
and finally, if possible, to zero.
Make peace with yourself.
When we go on expecting things in our relationship from the other,
what happens?
When that expectation is not fulfilled,
we think less of the other person.
Over a period of time,
this relationship
somehow
is strained,
simply out of this expectation.
How do we apply a scientific principle in this relationship?
Let us consider the aspect of entropy in physics.
In physics, entropy is
the degree of disorder or randomness in the system.
The second law of thermodynamics says that
entropy increases with time.
It reflects the instability of a system
over a period of time,
if there is nothing to stabilise it.
When you enter the room
of your son or daughter, who is five or six years old, ten years old,
and you bring one toy, you bring a second toy, you bring a third toy,
books are lying everywhere;
what happens if there is no help from our side as parents to fix this,
keep the toys in the right places,
keep the clothes in the right places,
put the books in the proper places?
Some effort is required
to make the place neat and clean.
Somebody has to do it.
External input is required to fix things in order.
In human relationships,
entropy also develops
if there is nothing to bring order to it.
We have interactions day after day
and we let things build up inside us.
We keep harbouring things and one day we explode,
unless we do something about it.
We need input to stabilise any relationship,
to iron out the wrinkles or differences,
so that we don't harbour and store things forever.
But do we really need constant input to bring stability and maintain a relationship?
That would be a high-maintenance relationship that you have to fuel
so much, you have to make adjustments all the time.
When constant input is required every time
there is a fight or tension with a friend or family member,
you will require greater input each time.
Imagine you come late home and you have to justify to your spouse,
“Honey, I am sorry, I was stuck
somewhere because … whatever.”
The second time it happens, the third time it happens,
and we have to go on saying
whatever be the reasons.
But in true relationships,
you just
mention what has happened
and that is enough.
There is no defence,
but only a description of what has happened.
In a family, if you have to tolerate each other,
then constant input is required.
In a situation where you have to give constant emotional input,
it is a broken family,
even though you may be together.
In a true relationship it is not the tolerance that rules the life,
but acceptance of each other,
which is arising out of love, mutual love.
In such a state of love,
where things are taken for granted,
you don't need explanations, you don't have to speak lies,
and you don't have to manipulate any reasons.
So it is
the love that you have in your heart
that is the input
that stabilises relationships.
Love brings a greater level of acceptance.
From where does this love come?
From a pure heart,
from a truthful, genuine heart.
In families
where we are taught
to love,
to sacrifice,
to accept,
to remain pure,
we are able to let go of everything.
We can remove the incompatibility
by understanding this principle of entropy.
When the heart is at rest,
the heart is content, the heart is in love,
it doesn't question anything;
it doesn't demand anything.
Suppose you don't accept a certain situation,
then what happens?
There is a problem, there is a situation, and you say,
“No, I will not accept this situation.”
Fine.
There is another way of looking at it and you say, “Okay,
let me see,
suppose I accept the situation,”
then you will study the situation:
why you are accepting it.
Secondly, you will learn something out of situation.
But if you snap out and say, “I will not accept this,” then
you will not be able to study the situation and secondly,
you will not learn anything out of this.
You will not become wiser
and on top of that, you will strain the relationship.
So, to arrive at such a state from the heart which accepts, which loves,
which remains constantly in a state of compassion,
this is
possible only when
I go deep within my heart,
touch the real conscience,
feel that real conscience all the time.
Allow that conscience to rule our life.
When one transcends
all these differences
within oneself as well as within
friends and family circles,
then there is
beauty to such a life.
The key is to go deeper within
your consciousness and touch the pure conscience.
With the help of Transmission,
Yogic Transmission we call "Pranahuti",
meditation becomes deeper and deeper each time you practice it.
So what have we learnt out of this?
The key to happiness is to remain
in tune with our inner purity,
with our inner compassionate state,
inner chambers of the pure heart.
And when we remain pure
and innocent like little children,
then a magical thing happens.
You Know, One craves to
go to heaven,
the religions talk about
our ascension into heaven,
but in such a heart,
such a simple and pure heart, loving heart,
when it is made so,
heaven descends.
You don't have to go to heaven. Heaven itself descends into our heart.
There is joy all the time.
I wish you all a wonderful life ahead
joyful, peaceful and a most accomplished life in all spheres.
Thank you for listening.