You know, if you watch my show on a regular basis,
and I hope you do, you know that I like to scare my guests.
It's a fun thing to do.
I scare my guests, but I also--
I scare everybody.
I scare people at home, I scare people in my staff,
I scare everybody all the time.
I scare Andy.
And Andy has an assistant named Jacqueline.
And she scares very easily, more easily than Andy.
And I thought we should send them together through a haunted
house because together.
So this is when we sent them through a haunted house.
[SCREAMING]
Keep your arms out and I will protect you.
Keep 'em out.
We see you coming!
We see all of it.
All right.
Is this a lot longer?
Or is this almost done?
[SCREAMING]
Keep moving, keep moving!
They can't get you if you move.
[BLEEP] We're good.
We're good!
We are good.
See what I did there?
I helped-- I helped you get away from them.
[CHEERING]
Yeah.
Andy is going to be here for a long time,
so I have plenty of opportunities to scare him.
But Jacqueline is leaving us, and so--
I have no idea why.
Something about lawyers, but I wanted
to leave her with one final scare to remember me by.
So this morning, I stepped out of my meeting
because her cubicle is right outside of my office.
And this is what I did first thing this morning.
[SCREAMING]
[APPLAUSE]
That was the last scare I ever did to Jacqueline.
No, I'm kidding.
Five minutes later, I did it again.
[SCREAMING]
Welcome, Shira.
Hi.
This is what happens.
OK.
Oh, did I get you too?
Yeah, and I saw you.
Oh no, we have another one.
So that's Shira.
She's training Shira so she gets scared easily as well.
So Jacqueline is training her to be scared.
So that was the last time we ever scared Jacqueline
until I decided to do it three minutes later.
[LAUGHTER]
[SCREAMING]
You're gonna miss me.
No one's gonna scare you anymore.
All right.
Well--
[APPLAUSE]
Really, did you think I was going to hug
and not scare her again?
Really?
No, one minute later, here.
[SCREAMING]
Oh.
It's not even a challenge.
It's like, she's like--
you saw Mary scared her, then I scared her.
She's like Dory.
She has no memory of being scared a second ago.
Every surprise is like the new surprise every moment.
Anyway, I enjoy it, and Jacqueline, good luck
out there.
The world can be scary, but not as scary as working here.
So here are some of my favorite scares from the show.
Look at me really, really intently.
Like, you're really listening to something like--
[CONTINUOUS SCREAMING]
Oh, boy.
It's fun.
[APPLAUSE]