- Going no contact is perhaps
one of the most powerful things you can do.
If someone else is losing interest or retracting energy,
or if you've just moved through a relationship,
one of the most powerful things you can do to really move on
and to also at the same time
stop tuning to somebody else is to go no contact,
meaning you have no contact.
You do not reach out.
You do not find out how they're doing.
You do not creep on their Instagram.
These are things that you do
in order to go no contact, which has so many benefits,
I'm gonna explain in a minute,
but it only really works
when you do what I share with you in this video.
A lot of people do this the wrong way
and because they do it the wrong way
they don't actually reap the benefits of it.
So, when talking about no contact,
I've made videos about this before.
Some of my most popular videos
talks about what happens
when you energetically go no contact.
But basically in a nutshell,
what happens is when you're with somebody else,
your energy fields are very intertwined,
energy fields are very connected.
And what happens
is when you are even thinking of somebody else
and you are around them a lot,
you end up sharing fields in a way, energy fields.
And what ends up happening as well
is when you're thinking of somebody,
even if you're not physically around them,
you'll find that you thinking about them,
wanting them to come around,
wanting their approval,
wanting their validation,
when you think of them
you are literally energetically sending them energy.
I know this sounds esoteric and kind of weird,
but just I've seen this happen so many times in my own life
and other people's lives
when I share this concepts and these ideas.
And what happens is when you go no contact,
what you begin to do
is you begin to clear the communication,
clear the energy fields between you and somebody else.
Now, when you clear the energy
and you stop sending that person energy
you allow the other person to regroup.
If it is meant to come back together
you actually give space for it to do so.
Now, one of the main reasons people pull away
and retract their energy energetically
is because they want space.
They want space.
Maybe there's a little bit too much intimacy there.
Maybe they have intimacy blocks.
Maybe they want space
because there's some type of needy energy there.
Sometimes that happens,
where the way somebody tries to control the dynamic
is they're like,
"Okay, I'm gonna get this person to come around.
"I'm gonna talk to them a lot.
"I'm gonna send them a whole bunch of messages."
And the more you do that
the more it actually blocks it from working,
the more you actually push that person away.
And when you retract your energy
and you bring your energy back
and you stop trying to control everything,
everything ends up working out
and you allow and you give space
and you give space for somebody to realize
how much they appreciate you.
Or you give them space
and then you in your own energy realize
that maybe it wasn't actually conducive for you,
maybe it actually wasn't the healthiest thing for you.
But in general, the reason letting go
and the reason going no contact is so powerful
is because you stop projecting energy at somebody else.
Now, imagine this, imagine you're saying,
"This person is not doing what I want them to do.
"They're not texting me back.
"I feel like they're in resistance.
"They don't understand the dynamic that we have.
"I don't get it.
"What's going on here."
You're feeling resistance.
And when you feel resistance
and then you think of that person,
you're literally sending resistant energy to them.
And when they think of you
they're feeling the energy you're projecting at them.
So it's like the resistance is being projected at them.
They feel that.
And then it repels them even more.
And they say, "I want more space.
"I want more space."
And going no contact is what you do
is you stop sending them energy.
You stop sending them resistance.
You stop even energetically thinking about them.
You start focusing more on yourself.
You start focusing more on your own,
being in your own body,
doing your own things in life,
being around your own friends,
living according to your own integrity,
following your own purpose.
You are being called to right now,
I believe to bring the energy back to yourself.
Pull your energy back, bring it back to yourself.
When you do that,
you then start to feel more safe in your own body.
I've seen this happen so many times with people
that are having trouble letting go of their ex
and they're thinking about them
and they're trying to make it work
and they're texting them a lot.
And then I say, "Yo, pull your energy back.
"Put the energy within yourself.
"Put the energy within your own life.
"Live by according to your own values.
"Follow your own purpose.
"Find new hobbies, even,
"put your energy into other things that aren't this person
"and go no contact."
Meaning do not talk to them.
Do not check their Instagram.
Stop sending them this energy.
You wanna know what happens like eight outta 10 times
is they do that.
They start enjoying their life more.
And then two weeks, a month,
a week even, the person starts to feel that
and then they try coming back,
or they try talking to that person again,
or they reach out to see how this person's doing.
And a lot of times you may realize,
"Oh, you know what,
"it's time for me to move on,
"maybe this wasn't the best dynamic."
Or maybe it was something
that isn't serving you anymore.
You realize that you started focusing more on yourself.
And I think a lot of times when people
really have trouble letting go of other like ex's
and relationships, it's like,
the reason they may have attracted this person
is because it's reflecting back the belief
that says there's something wrong with me
and this person's not choosing me.
And that reaffirms the initial childhood wound,
so people choose people that don't really choose them.
And then once they bring the energy back to themselves,
then maybe that person comes around.
But then that person has to decide,
"Do I want to continue with this kind of energy?"
So in general, when we talk about no contact,
sometimes when people watch these videos that I make,
they assume, and I explain it a lot in the video too.
But when you go no contact, you pull your energy back.
You're not going no contact to get them back.
That's the difference that changes everything.
When people are doing it to manipulate someone else.
When they're like, "Okay, I'm gonna go
"three weeks without talking to this person.
"And when I go three weeks without talking to this person,
"I'll really show them and then they'll finally come around
"and we can be together."
That is called attachment to outcome.
Doing it to get something out of the other person,
doing it to get some type of response.
And the anxious attachment style,
which a lot of times this dynamic would be most classically
the anxious attachment
seeking the avoidant attachments approval
because when someone is pulling back
or someone's having trouble letting go, normally,
not always, but a lot of times
it can be the anxious attachment.
But there's a behavior by the anxious attachment
called protest behavior.
Protest behavior is where sometimes the anxious attachment
will kind of pout
or withdraw their attention or go inwards.
And it's like a mechanism that's used
to actually get more attention.
Instead of vulnerably expressing to someone else
how you're feeling and how you are in the moment,
it's like, "I'll let them try to figure it out.
"They should know how I feel."
And when you talk about going no contact,
this could be the strategy of somebody
that's anxious attachment style
to get somebody to finally come back.
"I'll show you.
"I'll be talking to other people.
"You're not gonna know what I'm going through.
"You're gonna get super in your head about it
"and then you're gonna want me again."
But it's a form of protest behavior.
It's a form of manipulation.
And you don't wanna do that.
You wanna let go with the recognition
that what you're really letting go of
and why you're really going no contact
is because you're gonna stop abandoning yourself.
A lot of times we may abandon ourselves
and tell ourselves stories that being with somebody
that maybe isn't really bought in,
we may believe or think
that we need to prove ourselves to someone else
to prove that we're actually worthy,
to prove that we're enough.
But once we realize
that this may just be a replayed pattern from childhood,
it changes the way that we relate to the situation.
And the thing that I would encourage you
to really look at here is,
are you doing and letting go and going no contact
because you're trying to get them back,
or you going no contact because you realize
it's time to stop abandoning yourself?
It's time to stop chasing love and approval on the outside.
It's time to start realizing that that energy
is within yourself and you tap into it.
The more you stop abandoning yourself,
the more you start doing what you wanna do,
the more you start going after your purpose,
after your passion,
the more you focus on even your family,
your friendships, following your passion.
Like these are all things that you do
that help you to maintain your own center of frame.
I call it the magnetic frame.
When you're in your own magnetic frame,
you have magnetic energy.
And you may have been telling yourself a story
as well about this person.
Maybe you tell yourself a story
that this is the only person for you.
There's no one else out there that could ever love you
or treat you a certain way,
but understand that a lot of times
the story is the attachment that we have.
And that story is what's keeping us blocked
and keeping us locked into this one reality,
keep us holding on creating attachment.
And the answer is always to let go of attachment.
That does not mean that you can still not intend,
you can still not connect with other people,
but when you let go of attachment
it means attachment to outcome.
Because a lot of times people are in scarcity with love,
where they're like, "I have to make this one thing work,"
and then it depolarizes the relationship.
And then they keep sending that person energy.
And they're trying to control the dynamic.
And there's one thing in life...
If there's one thing in life you really can't control,
I promise you, it's you're relationships.
You cannot control how people respond to you.
You cannot control what people think about you.
And one of the most powerful things you can do
is bring your energy back energetically
so that you're not resistantly
sending them energy all the time.
Bring your energy back into your body.
Begin to feel present again.
Because a lot of times too,
they're literally siphoning off their energy
and projecting it in a million different directions,
instead of putting the awareness within,
enjoying the moment, being around friends.
Like what you wanna do is you want to go no contact,
which means you don't reach out to them,
you don't check their Instagram.
But you go no contact,
not because they're gonna come back
and it's a manipulative tactic,
you go no contact because you realize
that it's time to stop abandoning yourself.
It's time to stop trying to prove yourself to people.
It's time to stop trying to chase other people
trying to show and prove to you
that you're you actually worthy.
You are worthy for simply being you.
And when you stop abandoning yourself,
you'll realize that people
begin to treat you very differently.
People begin to respect you more.
When I started doing this in my life,
so many levels of my life, everything changed.
People respected the boundaries I would set.
People respected me more
because I was being more vulnerable.
Sometimes as well,
when it comes to not letting go and going no contact,
maybe is there something that you haven't,
have you not had closure?
It could be a good idea to have one more conversation
with closure before you go no contact
of just sharing how you really thought or felt.
Maybe being vulnerable.
Like, "Listen, I wanted this out of the relationship.
"I see now that you're not down for this right now.
"I just want you to know I've got nothing but love for you.
"I really wish it would've worked out
"but I'm gonna go no contact now."
You could be vulnerable.
For a long time in the past, I've not been vulnerable.
And I've remained in a gray zone
in some of my relationships.
And what I had to eventually do
is I had to not be afraid to show my heart,
to be vulnerable.
And after I did that,
I started to feel so...
I was in so much integrity and I felt so alive
and I felt like I was really living true to myself
and I wasn't abandoning myself any longer.
And then from there onwards,
I was able to really start choosing me.
And maybe this is your sign to start really choosing you
and to understand that you are good enough the way you are.
And that you get in life a reflection
of what you believe you deserve.
And if you're chasing somebody
that doesn't treat you that way
or somebody that you feel like
you have to prove yourself to,
then you're believing that that is outside of yourself.
You're believing you have to chase it in order to get it.
And the way that it works is reality's like a mirror.
It reflects back what we believe to be true.
So one of the most powerful things you could do
is start to become aware of these beliefs.
And as you become aware of these beliefs,
you're able to really transform your life.
And I do have three free meditations
if you haven't checked them out already.
One's on healing the inner child and feeling worthy.
The other's on changing your self-image
because your self-image is projected out
and other people respond to that.
So it's just self-image transformation.
And then my most popular meditation's
been listened to more than 6 million times on YouTube.
It's attracting love and feeling love from the inside out.
There are thousands of testimonials
on that free YouTube video that shows exact...
like people, it actually works
if you listen to that meditation for 21 days.
But you can click the link below.
Go to aarondoughty.com/meditation.
You can download all three of those meditations,
listen to them whenever you want
and watch how much your life begins to change.
Now, if you also wanna find out
what happens when you energetically,
what happens energetically when you go no contact,
this video right here explains it all.
What is called no contact
is one of the most powerful processes
or energies that you can infuse
into what you're experiencing if you find it hard to let go,
or if you find that the more you try
to make something work with somebody,
the more it butchers up the process.
This is.