I had chronic pain in my body for two
years I am trying to find the source
I have healed a little becoming vegan
spiritual doing shadow work but want to
identify the main reason thank you would
you know the main reason if this pain
staying off my body got a couple
questions on well there you guys are a
match to each other like the the chronic
paint the particular form of chronic
pains happening in this group is they're
all the same so I am going to show it to
you are you ready what I'm going to do
is I'm going to use
Graciela here who is a brilliant channel
because we've been training this train
draining this capacity for the last four
years I'm going to be using her to bring
in the energy of this chronic pain so
what I want you to realize is that when
I'm asking her to take on this energy
she is quite literally channeling it she
is becoming possessed by it so you're
not looking at Grassi anymore you're
looking at yourself so this will be me
talking to your chronic pain so I want
your pens ready this is you ready except
to become their chronic pain
well you spent just tough I want to hide
I mean I actually want to get away from
you what why don't feel like you're
dangerous
is there anything about me that is
coming from you I I actually don't want
you to move with me but if you move I
have to not move would it make you feel
good if I didn't it yeah I only feel
like I can move if you're not moving
how do you feel about my focus okay this
is what we're gonna do to work with you
ready looking like a mommy I need turn
back towards me I'm gonna look away I'm
not gonna I'm not gonna be in your space
I'm gonna be looking away
weird I have contradicting needs cuz I I
don't want you looking at me but than I
do but I don't I just receive you as
being dangerous can you say why I'm
gonna look you won't actually see me
you'll see the perception of that you
have with me and does that make you feel
pain does that make me feel pain even
that question made me angry of course it
makes me feel pain you don't feel seen
No do you recognize that your pain is
screaming for someone to see you
I want someone to see me what do you
think and have them see me what do you
want people to see about you oh that's
such ability ok so the fact I want you
to see me but I can't have you see me as
that's debilitating that's painful
that's making its own frozen
okay so it looks like can you explain
both sides why do you want me to see him
just that side cuz I'm in pain why are
you petting no one ever sees my
perception no one ever sees me yes
person they see me as an object are you
honest about who you are as people I
can't be in order to get light so can
you recognize that you're preventing
people seeing you by trying to be a good
person all the time
yeah but that's the only way I know how
to have been through accidents with
people so this is turnin isn't it yeah I
can't be mean so talk to me about the
part that doesn't want me to see you I
can't have you see me one I feel like
I'll be in danger because all you see of
me is your perception but that's not the
case if I see you said I can't have you
see me that's a different thing I I'm
very explint I know
first you're split in three ways various
but multiple ways can you see that you
have a triad split I want you to see me
so bad I don't want you to see me at all
you can't see me all three or splits
see you bye stay away let's just just
feels like splits all over the place it
is it splits around my concept of you
why don't you want me to see what's okay
that's what I just realized that when
you said that I don't actually have a
healthy concept of you I know I don't
know who you are you always seem
dangerous to me because I'm always going
to get a different personality is that
how you feel about people yeah that I'm
predictable yeah people are
unpredictable yes and people can't see
you yeah
you need people to be static in there
that's the really neither you can you
see that you weren't
yeah
you trying to force myself to be
why by enforcing my cell like people can
actually see some of my name why don't
you want me to see you because there's
some safety there I don't know who you
are you're not predictable
and I can't control what's gonna happen
and if I see you and I'm unpredictable
ventolin I start feeling crazy it's like
you're already a pitbull and not home
predictable there's nothing do you even
know what means to be seen so keep
asking me what's gonna happen if I see
you and it seems like you can't even
conceptualize what being seen is well
until you know I don't even know who I
am
okay if I was able to see you I would
feel how you felt I would listen to what
you're saying
I would understand you and I would take
action according to that so I want me to
imagine that you are a pet cat to see
you is to say weird my cat doesn't seem
very happy right now
oh look outside is another cat it
probably feels threatened right now so
maybe I'm gonna put the blinds in the
house down so that she doesn't have to
look out and see this threatening cat
outside I would take action that makes
you safer based on seeing you
that's what seeing you would do you have
to be able to see your distress in order
to know what's right for you do you see
them yeah so why don't you want me to
see
well I feel like the part that people
aren't seeing is that I'm unpredictable
in what way it's like one-one second
I'll tell you one thing in the next
second out that you know different thing
and they're both true well cuz you're
split yes they're both true but that's
what people can't handle they can if
they're the kind of person who doesn't
expect you to just feel one way well no
one's ever expected me just a feeling
one way yes things well they have but
like it's not the reality of me
I don't feel just one way exactly so
right now you're having a different
experience can you feel me I don't
expect you to just be one way for me I
can see that you both want to be close
to me and you're terrified cuz you think
I'm dangerous so you don't want to be
close to me I can see both things
they're both true you were just seeing
what am i completely keep looking at me
seeing you in that way do you see how
I'm reacting because both are cheer for
you I'm not coming closer and I'm not to
traumatize that way I'm also not leaving
I know I'm not gonna act on the I either
impulse I always agree this I know okay
you're not crazy
I'm meeting both needs Dulce I'm not
going away and I'm not forcing myself on
you
that keeps the part of you that doesn't
want me safe and the part that wants me
safe I have to see you in order to do
that does that make sense yeah feel this
for a minute let yourself feel what I'm
feeling in and I'm partially feeling
crazy you're not crazy I'm feeling crazy
and realizing I'm not crazy I'm also
feeling frozen a little bit so
physically let's yourself say to freeze
the message you never got was it's okay
to be wherever you are
even if it doesn't feel good yeah I'm
still there for a good reason right can
you accept that I'm telling you right
now that where you are you're here for a
good reason you want to connect for a
good reason and you don't want to
connect for a good reason you're frozen
for a good reason I see that it's a good
reason I'm not taking action to harm you
because it's a good reason can you feel
that feeling
many people who understand my split say
that London I need people who understand
my split because my body is frozen right
now by Mike but my mind is running and
wanting to run and I understand your
split can you feel that I can understand
your split
yeah
what happens to your pain level and I
understand your split
it gets better
I can't tell you why pain all pain is
about separation from something when I
come in and I see both aspects of you
I'm containing and actually creating the
connection for both aspects
this is what you didn't get from mom and
dad or anyone else for that matter it's
not okay to want something you'd be
scared of it at the same time it's not
okay to have yourself and have me too
it's another k to want autonomy and
closeness with me it's not okay to love
me in the angry at the same time right
I'm telling you it's okay
I really want you closer by especially
so I'm staying right here
no I want you to closer so I can push
you away do you really want to
experience it yeah
you never had that reason yep
I need boundaries you need boundaries I
need boundaries for my body to feel
better yes
now boundaries are about personal needs
and personal wants and the reality is
you have both so you got a meatballs
I just realized that confusing I am
because you just made me realize I have
needs
I don't really know sign had needs I
know I'm in pain all the time but I
didn't realize I have needs
oh you have needs you can't get away
from these and okay okay its boundaries
boundaries is the answer
is this you around it's good
[Music]