♪ ♪ ♪ >> WELCOME BACK.
I'M SAM WATERSTON.
AND NO THESE EYEBROWS AREN'T IMPLANTS.
THEY'RE BIG NATURALS.
OF COURSE, WE ALL KNOW THAT TO TRULY COVER A CAMPAIGN, YOU HAVE
TO HIT THE ROAD.
SO HERE'S A LOOK AT "THE LATE SHOW"" IN THE FIELD, FROM BACK
WHEN IT WAS STILL SAFE TO GO OUTSIDE.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: SENATOR THANKS FOR
TALKING TO ME TODAY.
WELCOME TO SOUTH CAROLINA.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY YOU'RE HERE TO GET TO THE HEARTS AND
MIND OF THE SOUTH CAROLINAIANS.
TO GET TO A SOUTH CAROLINAIANS HEART YOU IS ARE TO GO THROUGH
THEIR STOMACH, THE CONTENTS OF WHICH WILL EVENTUALLY LODGE IN
THEIR HEART, OKAY.
YOU SAID YOU'RE A FAN OF FAST FOOD.
>> UH-HUH.
>> Stephen: ARE THERE ANY WAYS IN WHICH YOU ARE NOT LIKE DONALD
TRUMP?
>> YES.
I READ BOOKS.
I--
I CARE ABOUT PEOPLE.
>> Stephen: OKAY, SO THERE ARE A COUPLE OF REASONS.
>> A COUPLE.
>> Stephen: A COUPLE OF WAYS YOU'RE DIFFERENT.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE STATE SO FAR?
>> ALL OF THEM.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> YUP.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE NO-- THAT'S VERY--... EQUITABLE OF
YOU.
>> WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE CHILD?
>> Stephen: I THINK IT WOULD PROBABLY BE LARRY, MY SON LARRY.
>> NOPE, NOPE.
>> Stephen: HE KNOWS I LOVE HIM MOST.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: I LOVE YOU, LARRY!
THE OTHER ONES ARE GREAT.
DON'T GET ME WRONG.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: LARRY IS REALLY SPECIAL.
>> LARRY IS THE ONE.
>> Stephen: I CALL LARRY THE SOUTH CAROLINA OF MY CHILDREN.
IF SOMEONE DOWN HERE SAYS SOMETHING DUMB OR UNINFORMED, WE
MIGHT JUST SAY, "BLESS YOUR HEART."
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: BLESS YOUR HEART.
>> I GOT IT.
>> Stephen: YOU GOT IT.
>> I THINK I'M READY.
>> Stephen: DONALD TRUMP DEFINITELY LEARNED HIS LESSON
FROM THE IMPEACHMENT?
>> BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD.
NOW, LET'S IMAGINE I'M A BILLIONAIRE AND THESE RIBS ARE
MY MONEY.
OKAY, I WANT ALL OF MY MONEY.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: IT'S MY MONEY.
THEY'RE MY RIBS.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: I DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE TO HAVE ANY OF MY
RIBS.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: HOW MANY OF MY RIBS WOULD YOU TAKE AWAY?
>> IT'S LIKE A LITTLE CORNER RIGHT OFF THE EDGE THERE.
>> Stephen: THAT MUCH.
>> NO, NOS-- >> Stephen: THAT'S THE BEST
PART.
>> IT WOULD BE JUST -- >> Stephen: NO, I WANT THAT
PART.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT THAT PART WOULD DO-- COME ON.
THAT'S UNIVERSAL CHILD CARE YOU JERK!
HERE.
>> Stephen: NO, I'M GOING TO LICK THEM ALL.
NOW I'M GOING TO LICK ALL THE RIBS SO NOBODY ELSE CAN HAVE ANY
RIBS.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT, WE'LL TAKE IT ANYWAY.
>> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW THE JOKE?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: WHY IS MICHELOB ULTRALIKE MAKING LOVE IN A
CANOE?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH ( BLEEP ) CLOSE TO WATER.
>> BLESS YOUR HEART.
( APPLAUSE )
REPORTERS, JIM ANCHORTON AND JILL NEWSLADY ARE SUCH HUGE FANS
OF TRUMP, WE SENT THESE TWO DOWN TO ORLANDO AND THEY FILED THIS
STORY THAT THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA DOESN'T WANT YOU TO SEE.
SEE.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> WE'RE TRYING TO DO THE REAL
NEWS OUT HERE.
>> YES.
>> A LOT OF FAKE NEWS OUT THERE.
WE'RE TRYING TO DO THE REAL ONES.
>> OH, ARE YOU FOX?
>> NO, REAL NEWS.
YOU HAVE HEARD OF BLASTING?
>> YEAH.
>> WE'RE NARROWED CASTING.
>> I'M TRYING TO GET THE WORD AROUND, TRYING TO GET THE WORD
AROUND ABOUT THE NEW CHANTS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS ONE?
HEY, HEY, HO, HO, LOCK UP HILLARY CLINTON.
>> I LOVE IT.
>> SHE'S INTO IT.
>> I'M SO IN.
>> HEY, HEY!
HO, HO!
LOCK UP HILLARY CLINTON!
HEY, HEY!
HO, HO!
HILLARY CLINTON SHOULD BE ARRESTED.
>> THE ONLY REASON WE WON IS BECAUSE OUR ELECTORAL COLLEGE
SYSTEM.
>> NEITHER OF YOU GENTLEMEN HAVE BROUGHT UP HILLARY CLINTON'S
EMAILS.
WHY AREN'T WE TALKING ABOUT HILLARY CLINTON'S-- BOO!
BOO!
>> ONE QUESTION FOR YOU-- YOU THINK IVANKA TRUMP IS REALLY
HOT, RIGHT?
>> I DON'T LOOK AT IVANKA TRUMP--
>> YOU'RE HONEST ABE.
YOU HAVE TO ANSWER HONESTLY.
>> I DONT LOOK AT HER AS FEMALE.
I LOOK AT HER AS THE PRESIDENT'S WIFE.
>> 2020!
MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
WHAT'S UP, BROS.
>> IF YOU COULD CHOOSE TO BE WITH TRUMP TONIGHT INSTEAD OF
YOUR HUSBAND AND AND BE TRUMPS-- NOT EVEN WIFE, LET'S JUST SAY
SIDE PIECE-- WOULD YOU TAKE THAT DEAL?
>> YES, ABSOLUTELY.
WHO WOULDN'T?
WHEN WOULDN'T.
>> Stephen: THERE ARE SO MANY CANDIDATES RIGHT NOW IF A RANDOM
PERSON WALKED UP TO ME ON THE STREET AND SAID THEY WERE
RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT, I WOULD PROBABLY BELIEVE THEM.
I DECIDED TO TEST THAT THEORY BY SENDING ONE OF OUR WRITERS,
BRYAN STACK, OUT TO TO THE STREET TO SEE IF PEOPLE WOULD
BELIEVE HE WAS ONE OF THE COUNTLESS MIDDLE-AGED, WHITE
MALE DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATES.
WE GAVE HIM THE NAME GREGORY WHITEMAN, WITH A "Y," TO KEEP IS
SUBTLE, AND TOLD HIM TO JUST MAKE UP EVERYTHING ELSE.
TAKE A LOOK.
>> CAN I ASK HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT GRETRY WHY,MAN THAT'S ME.
I'M GLAD YOU THINK I'M FINE.
I DOUBT THAT MYSELF SOMETIMES.
>> YOU'RE GREAT.
>> I'M AGAINST HIGH TAXES PARTLY BECAUSE I DID 12 YEARS IN PRISON
FOR TAX EVASION.
BUT I'M DOING ALL RIGHT NOW.
I LEARNED MY LESSON, SORT OF.
>> WE'RE IN LAW ENFORCEMENT, SO--
>> OH, YOU ARE.
.WELL MAYBE I'VE SAID TOO MUCH.
>> Stephen: HE MET WITH REAL-LIFE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE
AND GOVERNOR OF THE GREAT STATE OF MONTANA, STEVE BULLOCK, AT A
POPULAR IOWA CAMPAIGN STOP.
>> GREAT MEETING YOU.
>> Stephen: BULLOCK WAS THE PERFECT CANDIDATE FOR GREGORY TO
TALK TO, SINCE HE AND YHYTMAN HAVE SIMILAR POLL NUMBERS.
I'M GREGORY YRYTMAN.
CAN I ASK WHICH OF THE TWO OF US YOU WERE MOST IMPRESSED WITH.
>> THAT'S A GREAT QUESTION.
I THINK IT'S A TIE.
>> THAT'S VERY KIND OF YOU.
>> .
I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP.
I WANT TO REPRESENT THE FORGOTTEN AMERICANS, FOLKS LIKE
JAY INSLEE, MICHAEL BENNETT, JOHN DELANEY AND FOUR OR FIVE
OTHERS.
I FORGET THEM, AND THAT'S MY POINT.
BUT I ASK YOU TO BELIEVE IN ME, GEGRY WHYTMAN, A BELIEVABLE
CHOICE, AND TOGETHER WITH YOUR SUPPORT, WE CAN BUILD A BETTER
FUTURE, AND ALSO, HOPEFULLY IMPRESS MY WIFE.
WE'RE GOING THROUGH A BIT OF A ROUGH PATCH.
SHE'S OUT CANVASSING FOR ELISABETH WARREN.
( LAUGHTER )
SECRETARY CASTRO, IT WAS AN HONOR TO MEET YOU.
AND THANK YOU FOR TALKING TO ME, AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT
PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN.
THANK YOU, SIR.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> COMING UP, STEPHEN INTERVIEWS
JOE BIDEN.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU GOING NUTS?
( LAUGHTER ).
>> LOOK, THE REASON I CAME ON THE JIMMY KIMMEL SHOW IS BECAUSE
I'M NOT.
I MEAN--