- So the conversation I would have
with my kids watching this episode is,
"When are you scared to be alone?"
And you don't see a lot of fear?
"Daddy, I want to watch a 'Mended Light' video."
Well, come on over here, your little ankle biter.
We're going (laughs) "Mended light."
(laughs)
(bright music) (person whistles)
All right, this is "Bluey Gets Therapized."
I'm bringing a therapist perspective to this
but I'm also bringing just a dad's perspective
because this show is so stinking wholesome.
And, well, I guess a parent's perspective
because in this episode it's all about mom, right?
She's trying to put the kids to bed and one of them, Bingo,
the daughter can't stand to be away from her mom.
It's too scary at night.
So how do you deal with separation anxiety in yourself
or help your kids through it?
Let's take a look.
(crickets chirping)
- And then the baby chick hatched out of her egg.
- Whoo.
- And the first thing she saw was her mommy chicken.
- Yay.
(Bluey giggling)
- Bed. Sleep. Now.
- (whining) I'm not tired, bleh. (snoring)
(Jonathan laughs)
- Night, Bingo. - Night, dad.
- So baby chick snuggled up to mommy chick
and drifted off to sleep.
The end. (book thuds)
Okay, sleepy time now.
- Just one more.
(Jonathan chuckles)
- Bingo. - Please.
- Okay, one more then sleepy time.
- So what's really at the core of that?
Not wanting to be, oh, apart from the parent, right?
The bid is read another story.
It seems to be about the story.
It's really about, I don't want you to leave.
- Yay.
- This episode of "Bluey" is called-
"SleepyTime." - Called "SleepyTime."
- And what's this planet called?
- Mercury.
- Good.
And the big hot star in the middle?
- The sun. - That's right, clever girl.
(book thuds) Now, sleepy time.
(lip smacking)
- Where's Floppy? - Ooh, here she is.
- Floppy. - Doesn't forget Floppy.
- Mom, I want to do a big girl sleep tonight
and wake up in my own bed.
- You do your best, honey.
But remember, I'm always here if you need me.
- Okay. - Sweet dreams.
(door squeaking) (gentle serene music)
- Mom makes herself available, is supportive
what the child wants to do.
You may feel like you need help
but you're not sure you can afford it.
(cash register clinks)
Or you really like to handle things yourself
and aren't sure that counseling is a fit for you,
we hear you loud and clear.
That's why we've designed a low-cost
Mended Light membership site
to give you an affordable self-guided option
for trauma, recovery, mental health
and stronger connections.
All of these courses are available or coming soon
to the membership site with a new course every month.
What's more every month?
Alicia and I offer live Q and As with members
where we answer your burning questions
about trauma recovery, how to have healthy relationships
and how to improve your health.
And we have a Book of the Month Club
where you can join us as we read
then talk about a different book to help us all along
in our growth and healing.
And did I mention the giveaways?
Every month we select winners from among our members
for free Mended Light merch, gift cards,
virtual lunches with Alicia and I,
vacations, and even cruises.
Every day you go without needed support
is the day you suffer needlessly.
Our membership site is built out and waiting for you.
Complete with videos, audio recordings, workbooks
summaries, and practical application exercises
so that what you're learning truly takes hold in your life.
And we are waiting for you to answer live your questions
and give you direct feedback and guidance.
Sign up for your Mended Light membership today
with no signup or cancellation fees.
Why wait to heal?
Why wait to feel brave and whole?
Get started today by clicking below.
(gentle ethereal music)
Doesn't shutter down needlessly.
There are enough things to say no at to
as a parent, right?
- Whoo. - Okay.
(moon cracking) (Floppy squeaks)
There's nothing things to say no to.
Try to say yes as much as you can.
(gentle ethereal music) (Jonathan chuckles)
I totally believe outer space would just be like swimming.
I mean it wouldn't be, but how awesome would that be?
(Jonathan chuckles)
- (screams) Bluey. - Can I have a drink of water?
- Okay, Honey.
(water sloshing)
(footsteps pattering)
(Jonathan laughs)
(blanket rustles)
(Bingo's feet thud)
- Mom went to sleep in Bluey's bed.
(gentle ethereal music) (Bingo and Floppy giggling)
(Jonathan chuckles)
(Dad whimpers) (Bingo thuds)
(Bluey whines) (Bingo thuds)
(Bingo and Floppy giggling)
(Bingo thuds) (Bingo grunts)
(Bingo thuds) (air whooshing)
- We! (gentle ethereal music)
- Animation is so cool.
- Wow.
(planet squelches) Ooh.
- And so creative. (Bingo laughing)
So fun.
(planet squelches) (Bingo laughing)
(Bingo grunts) (paws slapping)
(Jonathan laughing)
(bright playful music)
(stomach thuds)
(Bandit groans) Gosh.
I feel that in my core. (Bingo laughing)
That is fatherhood right there.
(Bandit groans) (Bingo laughing)
(Bingo and Bluey laughing)
(Jonathan laughing)
(Bluey and Bingo squealing) (feet thudding)
(Bandit grunting)
(meteorite whooshing)
(Bingo chuckling)
(bright playful music)
- Whoo, biscuits.
- My biscuits.
(gentle music)
But why does Bingo end up in the parents' bed
even when she's sleepwalking and she's asleep
because subconsciously she wants to be
where the parents are.
- Dad, can you sing to me?
♪ 99 bottles of thing on the wall ♪
♪ 99 bottles of thing and if ♪
- Okay, so this on the surface of it
doesn't appear to be separation anxiety.
It just appears to be, you know,
a night in the life with kids
But why do kids ask for water?
Why do kids say there's a monster under my bed?
Why do kids in this case,
"Will you sing to me while I pee?"
Right?
Why do kids interrupt us throughout the night?
As a parent, you hate it.
As a parent, it's exhausting.
And what you need after a full day of parenting and working
is to actually sleep.
But why do the kids do it?
Because they need that security, right?
They're building secure attachments
or at least they're trying to,
"I need to know that when I need you, you're there for me."
And you don't see a lot of fear in this episode.
That's why it doesn't necessarily,
like, strike you right at first as separation anxiety.
But the thing is that can manifest
in small, micro ways, right?
That we're seeing throughout here.
♪ To fall, there'll be 90 ♪
♪ Side bottles of thing on the wall ♪
(Jonathan chuckles)
Huh?
(blanket rustles)
- The kids are... (laughs)
The kids have taken over the bed.
He's using underwear as a blanket.
(Bluey grunts) (Bluey thuds)
Now she feels cold and alone.
(gentle melancholic music)
And she longs for warmth.
And warmth, the voice of the sun
(Bingo thuds) is the voice of her mother.
You'll notice when we get there.
(gentle ethereal music)
Afraid of being alone, afraid of bunny leaving her,
but wanting to support that.
(audio chimes)
(Bingo cries)
And here's where we start to see
the separation anxiety of being alone,
manifesting subconsciously in dreams.
(air whooshing)
(bright upbeat music)
The show addresses serious things
with such lightness and joy.
(gentle uplifting music)
- I have to go, I'm a big girl now.
- [Chili] Remember I'll be here for you if you can't see me
because I love you.
(gentle uplifting music)
- It's a masterpiece of the show.
And that's what secure attachment is
and that's how we manage separation anxiety.
Being okay to be on our own.
- Oop, doesn't forget Floppy.
- There's so much easier when we know
that when we can't be on our own
and when we need the extra support,
that someone will be there.
(Floppy thuds)
And I love that Bluey doesn't say,
"Get back in bed" or "I'll see you in the morning"
or "Cry it out," it just says,
"I'm here for you if you need me
but I believe in you when you're ready to be on your own."
So the toilet, the water
they're all just bits for connection.
Mom has the bed all to herself. (laughs)
And Bingo feels okay.
So the conversation I would have with my kids
watching this episode is,
"When are you scared to be alone?"
And when do you feel like you need
to feel that fear and be alone anyway?
Stand on your own anyway.
When will that give you strength like it gave Bingo,
"I'm a big girl now I need to be on my own.
And when do you need me there for you?
Right?
And how can you tell the difference
having those conversations?
We think that the cure for separation anxiety
is for people to spend more time on their own
so they can tough it out and learn not to be so afraid.
But the research shows it's the opposite.
They do need some of that.
They do need some of those boundaries.
They can't just hold onto the apron strings forever.
That said, knowing that
when you are needed you're there,
knowing that they're safe to go out
and explore 'cause they can always come back.
That's what secure attachment is.
And what I love about the parenting on Bluey
is it's shame-free.
You know, they don't shame the kids for what they feel,
for what they need.
They encourage them, right?
They encourage them to work through things,
they encourage them to rise up
and to figure things out
or do things different or to try new things.
But if they're not ready, they also don't push 'em
and make them do it for their own good.
They trust that the kids' internal compass says,
"I'm ready," right?
And most of the parents just give a little nudge
to make it happen.
So I think this is absolutely beautiful.
I love this show.
I started...
You, guys, recommended that I watch it,
so I watched a few episodes
and then I started watching it without my kids. (laughs)
And they're like,
"Dad, you skipped ahead without us."
I'm like, "I'm sorry I couldn't stop.
They're only like eight minutes each."
It's a beautiful show.
Watch it with your kids.
If you don't have kids but you're looking
to be a parent someday, or a better grandparent
or to interact with kids better,
or just to learn really wholesome life lessons,
I totally recommend this show.
If you enjoyed this video
I recommend "Do you Fear Separation and Abandonment?"
one of our "Married to a Therapist" episodes
that you can watch right here.
Also, if you are dealing with separation anxiety,
you are dealing with parenting struggles,
you can meet for a complimentary
15-minute discovery call with one of our team
to see if they're a fit for you for counseling,
go to mendedlight.com.
If you think you wanna work with us
but you're not sure about price
or what level would work for you,
we also have a membership with relationship courses,
mental health courses, overcoming trauma courses,
live events, live Q and A's,
Book Clubs with Alicia and I, all of that,
you can learn more about that at mendedlight.com.
Are you a fan of Bluey?
Let me know in the comments below
what episodes I should react to.
How do you deal with fear of being separated?
(bell chimes)
Let me know when the comments below
because we'd love to learn from you.
As always, keep shining folks.
We need your light.
(bright music) (person whistles)