- SO YOU STARTED DOING THIS DOCUSERIES.
WE'RE NOT CALLING IT A REALITY SHOW.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE OF THE DOCUSERIES OR REALITY SHOW?
- UM, IT'S NOT SCRIPTED OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT,
SO IT'S PRETTY RAW; IT'S VERY HONEST, AND...
- IT IS VERY HONEST. THERE'S A LOT OF--
THE STUFF THAT I'VE SEEN IS CHRONICLING--
AND IT'S JUST DAYS AFTER YOUR STINT IN REHAB.
- YEAH.
- SO YOU STARTED SHOOTING THIS, LIKE, RIGHT AFTERWARDS.
- YEAH.
- AND HOW WAS THAT FOR YOU, BECAUSE--
- IT WAS, LIKE, A FEW DAYS AFTER.
- YEAH, AND WAS THAT-- DID YOU NOTICE A DIFFERENCE,
LIKE, BEING MORE EMOTIONAL TOWARDS THE BEGINNING
AND THEN CLEARING UP TOWARDS THE END OR...
- DEFINITELY. - ARE YOU DONE?
HAVE YOU FINISHED EVERYTHING?
ARE YOU STILL SHOOTING? - OH, WE'RE DONE.
NO, WE'RE DONE. OH, WE'RE DONE FOR NOW.
I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, IT'S--IT WAS REALLY SCARY AT FIRST,
BECAUSE I DIDN'T EXPECT IT TO BE WHAT IT BECAME--
YOU KNOW, THE CAMERAS BEING THERE AND STUFF.
I WAS LIKE, I WANTED TO JUST GET BACK INTO ANYTHING
THAT FELT LIKE WORK MODE.
JUST HAVE A SCHEDULE AND BE ON A ROUTINE,
AND THEN IT GOT REALLY OVERWHELMING AND STRANGE.
- YEAH.
- SO IT'S--IT WAS SCARY,
BUT IT WAS PROBABLY ONE OF THE, YOU KNOW,
THE BEST THINGS THAT I'VE EVER ALLOWED MYSELF TO DO.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME THAT I'M ACTUALLY SEEING
EXPERIENCES THAT I HAD,
AND THEY'RE JUST RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
AND IT'S--IT WAS REALLY-- IT WAS HARD.
IT WAS HARD, KIND OF, GETTING BACK INTO--
YOU KNOW, GETTING INTO AN APARTMENT,
RELIVING MY LIFE,
YOU KNOW, STAYING-- LIVING A SOBER LIFE
AND HAVING THE CAMERAS THERE FOR ALL OF IT.
AND IT WAS SCARY.
AND, YOU KNOW, THERE ARE MOMENTS
WHERE I WAS UNCOMFORTABLE WITH MYSELF
AND TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT,
AND I WANTED TO SHOW THAT,
BECAUSE THERE'S A LOT TO BE SAID WITH--
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE DON'T KNOW
THAT PEOPLE GO THROUGH THIS ALL THE TIME IN LIFE.
AND I'VE ALWAYS--YOU KNOW, I'M A HUMAN BEING,
SO I WANTED, YOU KNOW, IT TO BE SOMETHING
THAT PEOPLE COULD RELATE TO.
- DID THAT GIVE YOU MORE PRESSURE COMING OUT OF--
'CAUSE YOU'VE BEEN IN REHAB A BUNCH, RIGHT?
LIKE, SIX TIMES. IS THAT RIGHT?
- MM. - SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
SO WHAT--AND DOES THIS,
BECAUSE THERE'S CAMERAS FOLLOWING YOU,
IS THAT WHAT HELPED YOU, I THINK, BE--
YOU SAID YOU'RE HEALTHIER THAN YOU'VE EVER BEEN.
DO YOU THINK THAT GAVE YOU PRESSURE TO STAY HEALTHIER OR...
- NO, I THINK THAT THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME
THAT I WAS ABLE TO, YOU KNOW--
WHEN I WENT TO TREATMENT THIS TIME
AND I WENT TO CLIFFSIDE,
I REALLY JUST WANTED A MOMENT FOR MYSELF.
AND I LEARNED A LOT OF DIFFERENT TOOLS AND THINGS
THAT I DIDN'T IN THE PAST.
IN THE PAST, A LOT OF IT-- PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THIS--
BUT I WAS SENT TO REHAB TO AVOID, YOU KNOW,
THEM TRYING TO PUT ME IN JAIL.
SO IT WASN'T SOMETHING THAT I NECESSARILY WANTED
OR WAS READY FOR.
IT WAS SOMETHING THAT--
IT WAS KIND OF JUST GOING WITH THE MOTIONS.
AND THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME
WHERE I WENT TO SHAWN HOLLEY, MY LAWYER,
AND SAID, "LOOK, I NEED SOME TIME.
I NEED TO FIGURE SOMETHING OUT."
AND IT WAS THROUGH, KIND OF, YOU KNOW, MEDITATION
AND LEARNING DIFFERENT THINGS THAT--
AND JUST GROWING UP AS WELL AND BEING LIKE,
I'M TIRED, AND I WANT TO BE WORKING,
AND ALL THESE OTHER GIRLS ARE DOING THIS,
AND I'VE BEEN DOING THIS MY WHOLE LIFE,
AND MAYBE THAT'S WHAT'S-- YOU KNOW,
THAT'S WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY.
SO I'M JUST GONNA DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET THERE AGAIN.
- YEAH, IT'S INTERESTING, BECAUSE WATCHING THIS
AND SEEING YOU GROW UP AND, LIKE, HOW YOUNG YOU WERE
WHEN YOU HAD ALL THIS FAME AND ATTENTION,
AND YOU SEE THE BOX OFFICE MONEY THAT YOU GENERATED,
AND IT'S JUST--IT'S A RECIPE FOR DISASTER.
I MEAN, YOU HAD SO MUCH ATTENTION ON YOU,
AND YOU WERE SO CHARMING AND ADORABLE AND TALENTED,
AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, THESE EYES ARE THRUST UPON YOU
AND THEN YOU HAVE ACCESS TO ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.
I DON'T KNOW WHO DOESN'T GET LOST AT THAT AGE.
- WELL, I SHOULD'VE LISTENED TO MY MOM WHEN SHE WOULD SAY,
"MOVE BACK TO NEW YORK. MOVE BACK TO NEW YORK."
AND THAT WAS, YOU KNOW-- MAKING THE MOVE BACK HOME
TO WHERE MY FAMILY IS AND STUFF
HAS MADE A BIG DIFFERENCE FOR ME.
- WHAT'S DIFFERENT ABOUT LIVING--
'CAUSE NEW YORK HAS ALL THE SAME BARS,
ALL THE SAME PARTYING.
WHAT'S DIFFERENT IN NEW YORK THAN L.A.?
- MY FAMILY'S THERE.
MY FRIENDS THAT I'VE GROWN UP WITH ARE THERE.
BY MOVING TO NEW YORK, I CAN WALK ON THE STREET
AND BE A HUMAN BEING.
LIKE, I CAN BE NORMAL.
- YEAH, BUT YOU HAVE PAPARAZZI CONSTANTLY.
- NO, I DON'T. I DON'T.
- THEY STOPPED? - NOT AT ALL.
- THAT WAS CRAZY THERE.
- I'VE BEEN IN L.A. FOR TWO WEEKS,
AND THANK GOD I'M LEAVING TOMORROW,
'CAUSE I'M SAYING THIS NOW,
BUT THEY HAVE NOT BOTHERED ME AT ALL.
IT'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT NOW.
IT'S STRANGE.
I ALSO DON'T PUT MYSELF IN THE SAME SITUATIONS.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOTHING LEFT FOR ME
IN GOING OUT TO A CERTAIN PLACE
IF I KNOW WHAT IT'S GONNA RESULT IN.
IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT TO ME. - RIGHT, RIGHT.
- AND I DO OTHER THINGS.
MY FRIENDS IN NEW YORK, IT'S A DIFFERENT CREATIVITY.
A LOT OF MY FRIENDS ARE MUSICIANS, OR, YOU KNOW,
MY BROTHER AND I ARE WORKING ON AN APP.
THERE'S DIFFERENT THINGS THAT I DO.
- GOOD. - I THINK IT'S ALSO JUST TIME.
- YEAH, WELL, LET'S TAKE A BREAK.
WE'LL TALK MORE WITH LINDSAY AFTER THIS.
[cheers and applause]