Translator: hila scherba Reviewer: Denise RQ
From saddling Reese to regaining consciousness on the ground,
I have no memory of what happened.
I was asking the same questions over and over again,
demonstrating symptoms of a pretty serious concussion.
The diagnosis in emergency later confirmed a number of hairline vertebrate fractures.
Had I landed differently,
this would have been a whole different story.
As it was, the doctor said,
"Rest, no hard work, and definitely, no riding for six weeks."
Since that fateful day, there are so many things I now notice.
Being present in a relationship is not an option.
Reese taught me that, and it relates to everything I do,
because my business is about partnering people with the horse,
so they learn about their relationships with other individuals.
Reese - he was part of that plan.
But first, let me take you back to how I met Reese.
I was looking for horses to expand my herd
and I ended up at the livestock auction pens.
He was a handsome redhead.
He was about five years old,
and most people prefer starting horses quite a bit younger than that,
so it's no surprise there was no other bidders.
That chance encounter interrupted his trip to the slaughter pen,
and he ended up on my farm.
I would like to tell you when we got home, it was awesome,
but he made it perfectly clear he wanted me nowhere near him,
and about two weeks later he let me touch him.
I call this picture "First Contact,"
and if you're familiar with horse body language
you can see that Reese is anything but convinced at this point.
But about a month later, we were making good progress,
and I'd love to give you a shot of us galloping over the open range,
but it didn't happen that way;
we were making good progress within a 50 ft. round pen,
and as far as I know, I did a lot of the right things,
that day that ended in my trip to the emergency, but I don't know,
because after saddling Reese, I remember nothing.
I didn't know what happened before what happened happened,
and a horse always lets you know something is going to happen;
could be a flick at the ears, their head goes up, their body stiffens,
it can be a split second, but they always let you know.
When I got back on Reese, he let me know
being present in the relationship was not an option.
There are so many things that have showed up for me
since that fateful day,
but most importantly,
being present in a relationship is a necessity.
It was a horse that taught me that.
In the work that I do, I mentioned I put people with a horse,
and I may hand you the lead rope of the horse,
but the real work happens between you and the horse.
What does that work aim towards?
I'd like to introduce you to another metaphor
that relates to what you are going to do with the horse,
and it comes from the art of dressage.
Dressage is a level of horsemanship;
they have 6 different levels in their horsemanship scale,
they call it a training scale,
and Swung is the fourth level.
I love the word Schwung
not only because of how it sounds but to me it represents a feeling.
The definition that captures that feeling best to me is,
"The connected energy through the rider to the hind end of the horse
in a forward, fluid, and effortless motion."
A friend happened to capture my first encounter with Schwung.
When I see this picture of my horse Jack and I,
I remember everything about that moment,
I remember the rhythm and swing of his trot,
I remember how light the contact of the reins felt in my hands,
and I remember the hot air around us that day,
it was as if we were floating.
But Schwung is something we can also find in our relationships with others.
What it means is letting go and paying attention to what is.
It's finding the rhythm of another individual.
Finding Schwung begins with relaxation.
As you can imagine,
that first day back on Reese, I was anything but relaxed,
I didn't know what happened, so it could happen again
and what would I do then?
But he taught me that I had to be paying attention
to what was currently happening,
and that was the only way that we would be able to get
and find our Schwung.
I'd like to introduce you to a client that I had,
but the reason that I connected so well with her
is when I got back on Reese for the first time,
I have to admit I was terrified.
I've ridden horses my whole life and I have never been scared,
and I never understood how can people be afraid of horses?
But I met a client recently,
and she made it perfectly clear to me that she was terrified.
Animals were not her thing, she wanted to go nowhere near the horse,
and she didn't think this was a good idea.
As we approached the horse I had selected for her,
the horse starts swinging her tail and swinging her head back and forth,
and it was like she was biting at an invisible fly,
but I needed the woman to see
how much of her own fear was being picked up by the horse.
So standing right in front of the horse,
I asked her to put her feet shoulder-width apart,
soften her knees, and then close her eyes,
and she looked at me in absolute horror;
but she was willing to try.
So standing right beside me, she told me what she heard:
people talking, the whirl of the ceiling fans,
her own breathing.
When she opened her eyes the horse was standing quietly,
head and tail relaxed.
She had let go of 'what if'
and was paying attention to 'what is.'
It was her first step
to actually being present in that relationship.
What happened is, when she relaxed,
the horse simply mirrored her.
It's true in all our relationships.
When we relax, when we're present to another individual,
when we really listen,
we can engage in a conversation that we never even knew was possible,
we let go of 'what if' and we pay attention to 'what is.'
The next step to finding Schwung is rhythm.
Everything a horse does has rhythm,
a walk has four beats, a trot has two,
a counter has three, and a gallop has four.
Movement requires rhythm,
so we need to get into rhythm with the horse,
before the horse can get in rhythm with us.
It relates to everything we do.
Think about it, in our own relationships,
we see a crying baby, we pick up the crying baby,
we slow down our breathing, and we rock them, in an even rhythm.
It was a horse that taught me
the importance of getting in rhythm with another individual.
What it means is being fully present,
no distractions,
no cell phones, no computers, no lists in our head.
It's fully present to what is going on with another individual.
It may come as no surprise
that finding Schwung is not about control.
I had another client who was so intent on his own success,
he was oblivious to the fact
that a relationship with a horse might be of value.
The harder he pulled on that lead rope, the more anchored his horse Sydney became.
He gave up in frustration,
because clearly, I had given him the stubborn horse.
It's funny because when many people are near a horse for the first time,
they think they need to hang on tight,
but with horses, as with people,
communication, a good relationship, it's not about control,
it truly is about getting in rhythm, and it's actually, more like a dance;
Sometimes you take the lead, other times you follow,
and it changes all the time.
Each of my horses, you can stop them with a sigh,
that's what 'Whoa' is,
it's letting the energy out of your body, all the way to your toes,
and it's certainly not "Whoo,"
where it stops right here and you're smiling with all four cheeks.
So you could say then
that effective communication is the least amount of information
required to convey an idea.
It's true in all our relationships.
What Reese taught me -
he helped me see the importance of becoming a more compassionate teacher,
a more understanding coach,
a more sympathetic friend,
and a more patient partner.
It's true in everything,
whether you're parenting a child, raising a teen,
running a team, a business,
it's about paying attention to what's going on in the relationship.
Relaxation, rhythm, and communication -
this is Schwung in relationship with others.
These are all ideas I wish I had been more aware of
that morning that ended in my ride to emergency,
but when I think about it, Reese had been telling me all along,
I just wasn't listening.
But here we are, eight years later,
the horse who once distrusted all humans,
joins me each year at the Calgary stampede,
and is a charming, reliable, and trustworthy partner.
Even in the chaos of the grounds,
he brings out the essence of being present
in all who partner with him.
As with horses, as in life.
Being truly present is about being aware
at the impact you have on another individual,
and it's about recognizing
the relationship, the rhythm, the conversation;
it's what defines it.
It's about being present in the moment, letting go of what if,
and paying attention to what is,
because finding Schwung in a relationship
isn't something you can grab onto and hold onto,
you find it, it didn't work and then you lose it,
until you find it again.
But once you've found that moment,
where you're flowing, and everything feels effortless,
and you're connected in a way you've never felt before,
it's amazing.
You’ll begin to search for it in every single relationship you have.
Thank you.
(Applause)