[typing]
As we approach the third year of The Sims 3's existence,
a total of five full expansion packs
have been released for the game so far.
And out of those, my favorite has probably been Late Night.
This was due in large part to the fact that it gave your Sims an urban area to live in,
provided the opportunity to perform musical acts at various venues,
added all sorts of new leisure activities,
and allowed them to become famous along the way.
So imagine my surprise when the sixth expansion pack, Showtime, was announced
to be an expansion that gives your Sims an urban area to live in,
provides the opportunity to perform musical acts at various venues,
adds all sorts of new leisure activities
and allows them to become famous along the way.
Umm.... yeah, I don't care!
Oh, wait, you say it's passively endorsed by Katy Perry
if you spend more money on her edition,
only to have both her and her music not appear in the game?
Sweet. I can't freakin' wait for this.
Yes, Showtime is the latest in a long line of games
featuring half-hearted plugs
from famous musicians,
following in the footsteps of games like Journey: Escape
Aerosmith's Revolution X,
and, umm...
Samantha Fox Strip Poker.
I'm saving this one for later...
The Collector's Edition of Showtime shows Katy Perry on the front of the box,
in both Sim and presumably human form –
the latter of which shows her in quite the awkward pose.
Seriously, what is she doing with her right hand?
It looks like she's preparing to let loose
some Katy Perry-branded glittery farts.
Maybe that's where all this glitter on the box comes from!
[firework sounds]
Anyway, inside the box you find the usual litany of cheap documentation,
along with a cheap little poster of Katy Perry's cheap cash-in cover art.
You also get a code to download some additional Katy Perry-ish content for your Sims,
which is pretty much the entire draw
of this collector's version, such as it is.
Of course, there are a few other versions of the game,
including the regular expansion with pretty much everything you should care about anyways,
a Limited Edition which costs the same but has an extra venue and a stadium download,
and a combo pack which includes both the required Sims 3 base game
as well as the vanilla Showtime expansion.
Once you install whatever version you have,
the loading screen you're provided with
starts its wonderfully boring suckage.
I suppose that you could argue that minimalist approach
is aesthetically appealing to a higher intellectual state.
But you can also argue that it's just lame.
Once you reach the menu, you'll see that you've been connected to the Internet
...if you're connected to the Internet,
that is... um, yeah.
One of the biggest things introduced with Showtime
is a whole slew of pointless social options
which can be configured in the pointless social options menu.
You can connect to Facebook, Twitter,
and a new Sims-oriented social network controlled by EA.
Sound fun?
Good for you, brainwash victim!
To me, this seems like an invasion of my game.
Nay, a straight-up blitzkrieg of silliness that I never asked for
and never wanted in my Sims single-player experience.
You can turn this off, but the thing is, leaving it on and utilizing it to its fullest
results in you unlocking all sorts of content for your game.
So, yeah, unless you really want to be unnecessarily locked out,
then you may as well use it.
This also launched as an update for everyone that plays The Sims 3,
so just sign in to your My Page on TheSims3.com
set your crap up,
add some people who play the game,
and spam the dick out of them until you get what you want.
Seriously, this whole thing is a freakin' joke right now,
because there is essentially no way to properly curate what shows up in your news feed,
and things quickly get lost in the sea of never-ending, mundane activity updates.
Not only that, but the in-game friends list is useless
because once you get more than about 100 friends,
you can't see any more of them – at least, not right now.
Sure, you can search for them by exact username,
but I don't *know* the names of my hundreds of fake friends,
so it's just an exercise in futility.
But whether or not you choose to play the social game,
you can start your previous save game as normal
or start a new game in the new town,
Starlight Shores.
This is kind of a tiny Sim Hollywood.
And it really feels like it should be a small suburb of Bridgeport
from the Late Night expansion rather than its own town,
but it gets the job done.
So let's get some of the biggest new additions out of the way,
starting with the addition of an in-game achievement system.
They're very much like the achievements from the console
and Medieval variants of the game,
and give you some goals to work towards *if* you want to.
Being that I see no achievements in turning Katy Perry
into an insect-collecting homeless pool shark,
or drowning every Sim in the town in a pool of their own urine,
I'm not that interested, to be honest.
Another feature that's been thrown into the mix
is the option to communicate with your friends on your My Page
through the use of wall writing, a la Facebook.
The notifications for this in-game I turned off very quickly
because it only distracted from my felonious Simming activities.
But of course, the most prominent new feature of Showtime
is the selection of new professions,
in pretty much the same style as those included with Ambitions.
The three featured here are Acrobat,
Magician
and Singer.
Each of these are careers that you are much more involved with
than those from the base game,
in that you'll advance the ranks through direct manipulation of your Sim's actions,
instead of just sending them into a rabbit hole for the afternoon.
Initially, this means doing things like performing for tips on random street corners
and practicing your art every chance you get.
This means lots and lots of embarrassing situations
until you become awesome enough to not kill someone with your profession.
[man screaming]
It happens. They'll get over it.
With the Acrobat, you're a kind of all-around circus freak.
You'll mime, juggle, bend and jump around in a variety of ways
that make the lazy ones in the crowd tired just thinking about it.
Magicians start out doing street magic,
then move onto small props
and eventually larger shows with dangerous stunts.
They also get to play some SimCity 3000 music during their magic shows,
which is a very nice touch to old Maxis fans like me.
[SimCity 3000 music plays]
And lastly, the Singer goes around... singing.
What did you expect?
While the Singer gets the expected street corners, coffee shops and stage venues like everyone else,
they also get to perform singing telegrams.
These appear as random opportunities
where you'll have to catch up to a Sim around town,
approach them and sing some kind of ditty
that's supposed to evoke a certain emotional response.
All of these actions will help your Sim level up their career,
and the better they do, the more they'll get noticed.
Ah, if only skill were a guarantee of success in real life, right?
Yeah...
Depressing facts aside,
eventually your Sim will be playing at random venues around town,
like karaoke bars,
dance clubs,
coffee shops and parks.
When you get to one of these venues, you'll have the option
to customize your stage with props.
This is a really cool feature,
and while I wish it were a bit more elaborate,
it's still awesome to be able to litter your stage
with fake, oversized food.
In fact, you can also customize your career outfits now,
which is a feature I've wanted in the game for a long time.
Again, I wish it were a bit more involved.
I would love to have a Magician that wore nothing but a Speedo,
but hey, it's better than nothing.
Something else that's kinda lame is the fact that not many Sims
actually come to the shows you put on.
You might end up with eight or nine actual Sims,
and while in certain special venues it looks like more,
it's actually just an object that looks like silhouetted Sims making up a large crowd in the background.
Just don't look too closely,
and, uh... the illusion kind of works.
Oh, well.
Another awesome addition is the option for your Sims
to visit venues for random shows around town.
Like Simfest,
an annual haphazard variety show.
Although, these do get boring after a while,
since you'll see the same three acts over and over again,
but at least it's fun to throw rotten vegetables and heckle the performer if you want to.
Finally, another huge addition to these professions is SimPort.
This is directly tied in to the online social features
and is probably the biggest reason to have fake friends in the first place.
SimPort allows you to both send and receive
performing Sims online.
So if you want to send your Sim on tour to a friend's town,
you can send a booking request to them,
and if they accept, then your Sim will disappear for a while
and they will appear in your friend's game.
Likewise for your friends' Sims appearing in your game.
The more you do this, the more you'll level up your career,
and the more random crap you'll unlock.
While this is kinda cool in theory,
there are some inherent problems with this.
First, it doesn't always work – at least, not at this point.
Hopefully it'll be patched out,
but I've had a few times where a Sim is supposed to show up
and all I see was a lit up empty stage.
Second, it requires that you have friends that play Showtime,
that they're online when you are
and that they have Sims that meet your needs.
By definition, this shuts out a pretty big chunk of the potential player base
and prevents them from progressing in their single-player game,
effectively forcing them to be social or forget the content.
Thankfully, there are several other things to do while you're waiting on your friends
to accept a SimPort request.
There is a fourth new profession that's...
not really a profession at all, so never mind.
It's just a thing to do, and that is the DJ.
Your Sim can start to DJ anywhere a DJ booth item exists,
much like the bar and mixologist in the Ambitions expansion.
And, yes, you can play bro-tacular dubstep.
And, no, I didn't see a bass drop option.
You do get tips for playing and increase your DJ skill the more you play.
But it's not a real job,
and as such is very limited in its appeal.
[dubstep music plays]
Another new music object is the jukebox,
and it's about freakin' time!
Because I've been wanting a proper jukebox since the Fast Lane Stuff Pack.
And to go along with the new venues,
you have a few new entertainment items,
like the mechanical bull,
a dominoes table,
two-player cocktail arcade machines,
freakin' skee-ball,
a golf driving range,
some sort of electrified sphere dance torture device,
and a pool table for hustling hapless Sims.
And there's also the photo booth,
which doubles as a new woohoo location.
You can also woohoo in the magic box of mystery,
but it's not as exciting as having pictures taken while you're in the act.
One other bit of awesome is the return of the Genie.
This is in the form of a lifetime reward that you can get
which of course produces a genie that grants you three wishes.
Although mine seemed to be more interested in playing golf and hitting on random women.
Can't say I blame him, though.
And it seems to be a rather fair and balanced genie overall,
with very little of that sadistic side that genies often have
in ethical fiction.
In other words, he's not a completely deceitful douchebag
Finally, you have the expected new Create a Sim options,
which gives you new clothing and hair and accessories
for adult men *and* women.
It's mostly what you would expect from an expansion related to stardom,
with all that glitz and glam garbage,
as well as a selection of technophile and hipster attire.
[sniffs] Mmm, I can almost smell the apathy.
And, yeah, there are new traits and lifetime wishes that pertain to the new professions,
so your Sim can have all the unfair advantages you could possibly want.
So, is The Sims 3 Showtime expansion worth buying?
Well as usual,
the suggested price for the normal expansion is $40
and the Collector's Edition is $50.
Whether or not it's actually worth that kind of money is kind of a toss-up to me.
While I do find the new professions enjoyable,
in that it is kinda fun to watch the shows
and see your Sims progress to superstar status,
it's a major grindfest along the way
and it becomes especially irksome when you have more than one Sim to take care of.
Also annoying is that SimPort is such an integral part of higher-tiered progression.
So if you don't want to participate in touring online, you're kinda of screwed.
You can do it, it's just not nearly as fun.
And while I'm talking about touring,
why can't your bands from Late Night go on tour?
You can only send or receive one Sim at a time through SimPort,
so groups are out of the question entirely.
They can't even get up on stage with your singer.
And as far as the Katy Perry edition goes,
well that's probably not worth the extra 10 bucks,
unless you're just a mad fan of hers.
Because all it adds is a few new Create a Sim and stage items
and you still have to go and make your own Katy Perry Sim to go along with it.
So, really, recommending Showtime can go either way for me.
It's a bit of fun while it lasts
but it's also quite a hassle to deal with all the crap
that you have to do to get very far with the professions.
And outside of those professions,
there's not a lot on offer that's impressive to an average Simmer
who would honestly rather live a normal life
or build houses or something.
What Showtime does, it does decently.
But unless what it does truly appeals to you,
I'd probably wait until the price drops,
like some phat wobble bass.
[dubstep music]
[laugh, Simlish spoken]