( APPLAUSE )
WELCOME BACK.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS A WRITER WITH
BESTSELLING BOOKS THAT INCLUDE "ME TALK PRETTY ONE DAY,"
"LET'S EXPLORE DIABETES WITH OWLS," "BARREL FEVER," AND
HIS NEW BOOK IS "HAPPY-GO-LUCKY."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," DAVID SEDARIS!
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( APPLAUSE )
CLOWN ON THE COVER OF YOUR BOOK, YOU CAN DRESS HOWEVER YOU WANT
TO.
THAT'S WHAT I FIGURE.
>> Stephen: IS THAT A PLAID SHIRT TIED AROUND YOUR WAIST?
>> NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S TIED AROUND THE WAIST.
IT'S SEWED TO THE JACKET SO IT'S ALMOST KIND OF A BUSTLE.
>> Stephen: OH, WOW, WOW, QUITE LOVELY.
VERY LOVELY.
BY THE WAY, THIS IS WHAT YOU MEANT.
THE NAME OF THE BOOK IS "HAPPY-GO-LUCKY."
AND THERE IS THE ENDEARING PHOTOGRAPH ON THE COVER.
NOT CREEPY AT ALL.
>> WHENEVER I SEE A CLOWN, I ALWAYS THINK,s, HE LOOKS
GOOD."
ALWAYS.
I'D WEAR THAT.
>> Stephen: HE LOOKS HAPPY.
LOOK AT THAT SMILE.
YOU KNOW, I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE
HERE A MONTH AGO, AND AT THE LAST MINUTE, LIKE SO MANY
PEOPLE, YOU TESTED POSITIVE FOR COVID.
YOU DOING OKAY?
>> YEAH.
I WAS SHOCKED.
I MEAN I WAS A LITTLE BIT TIRED, I GUESS.
BUT I HAD JUST FINISHED GOING TO 44 CITIES.
BUT I'M HAPPY TO SAY, I GOT COVID.
I WENT RIGHT HOME, I GAVE IT TO MY BOYFRIEND, HUGH.
DON'T YOU WONDER ABOUT, YOU KNOW, YOU'LL MEET A COUPLE, AND
ONE PERSON WILL GET COVID AND THE OTHER DOESN'T.
AND I THINK, "WHAT KIND OF A COUPLE ARE YOU?"
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: EVIE GOT IT AND SHE GAVE IT TO ME.
>> SEE, THAT'S SWEET.
>> Stephen: SHE TESTED POSITIVE AND I TESTED POSITIVE
THREE DAYS LATER.
>> THAT TELLS ME YOU'RE A GOOD COUPLE.
>> Stephen: WE KISS EVERY THREE DAYS, IS WHAT IT MEANS.
YOU HAVE TO HAVE A SCHEDULE.
>> I WAS TALKING ABOUT IT WITH AMY, AND SHE LAUNCHES INTO
CHARACTER.
AND SHE SAID, "MY HUSBAND GOT IT, AND THE BABY-SITTER, BUT...
NO, I NEVER GOT IT."
( LAUGHTER )
YOU KNOW.
"GERMAN EXCHANGE STUDENT?" >> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU DO
WITH YOUR DOWN TIME?
>> Stephen: DEN TASE YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING, RIGHT?
>> IT'S PERFECT.
I TOOK THE TEST AT MY PUBLISHER'S OFFICE, AND I WAS
WALKING TO MY PUBLICIST'S DESK, AND I SAW A MOUNTAIN OF MAIL AND
IT SPILLED OFF THE DESK ON TO THE FLOOR AND IT WAS ALL FOR ME.
SO I TOOK IT ALL HOME, AND I ANSWERED 175 LETTERS.
>> Stephen: WOW.
>>
>> I DIDN'T ANSWER...... YOU MUSTUE MUST GET THIS.
>> Stephen: I GET A FEW LETTERS, YEAH.
>> BUT IF SOMEBODY WRITES YOU AND THEY'RE UNHAPPY WITH
SOMETHING, I'M GOING TO ASSUME THEY DIDN'T SAY IRVINGS PUZZLED
BY THAT WORD CHOICE."
OR, "I WAS PUZZLED.
THAT JOKE MADE ME FEEL ODD AND I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND IT, COULD
YOU EXPLAIN IT.
THE.
NOW IT'S LIKE, "YOU DID THAT.
YOU SAID THAT.
I'M NEVER GOING TO READ YOUR BOOKS EVER AGAIN.
I'M GOING TO TELL ALL MY FRIENDS NEVER--" THERE IS NO POINT IN
WRITING THOSE PEOPLE BACK.
BUT MOST PEOPLE WERE JUST SWEET.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S-- I HAVE A RADIO SHOW IN ENGLAND.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A RADIO SHOW IN ENGLAND?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD A RADIO SHOW IN ENGLAND?
>> Stephen: EIGHT YEARS.
I'M SORRY, I-- I DID NOT KNOW.
>> IT'S CALLED "MEET DAVID SEDARIS."
SO THEY MISPRONOUNCE MY OWN NAME ON MY RADIO SHOW.
AND I JUST READ OUT LOUD.
SO I DO A SERIES EVERY YEAR, SO IT'S, LIKE, EIGHT SHOWS, EIGHT
HALF-HOUR SHOWS.
ANYWAY, SO THIS WOMAN WROTE AND SAID, "I JUST REALIZED YOUR
NAME, BECAUSE IN MY HOUSEHOLD WE WOULD HEAR YOU ON THE RADIO, BUT
WE NEVER-- WE ALWAYS REFERRED TO YOU AS THAT 'FUNNY OLD JEWISH
WOMAN ON THE RADIO'.
THE.
AND I THOUGHT, OKAY, "OLD."
YOU GOT "OLD" RIGHT, BUT THAT IS THE ONLY THING IN THAT SENTENCE.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE BEEN ON THE ROAD, HALF OF THE YEAR YOU
HAVE BEEN OUT THERE TOURING WITH YOUR BOOK FOR 20 YEARS-- MORE,
SINCE "BARREL FEVER" CAME OUT.
COVID COMES AND IT'S TWO YEARS, AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING.
WHAT IS THAT LIKE FOR YOU TO BE, LIKE, FORCED TO BE AT HOME?
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR 32 YEARS.
AND WHEN--
I MEAN...
WELL, I DON'T KNOW, SOMEONE...
STAY TOGETHER.
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
WHEN COVID CAME I CALLED HIS FRIENDS AND SAID, WHAT, IS HE
LIKE?" I HAVEN'T SPENT-- I MEAN, I'M
GONE HALF THE YEAR.
>> Stephen: LIKE, "DOES HE HAVE ANY FOOD ALLERGIES?
WHAT SHOULD I KNOW?" >> I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE DID
WITH HIMSELF ALL DAY.
IT WRKD OUT REALLY WELL.
I SAID TO HIM, ONCE THEATERS REOPEN, YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO
SEE ME AGAIN."
YOU DON'T WANT TO-- YOU DON'T WANT TO-- TO DO TOO MUCH OF
THAT, YOU KNOW, TOO MUCH TOGETHER.
>> Stephen: KEEP IT FRESH.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: KEEP IT FRESH.
LEAVE THEM WANTING MORE.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: EXACTLY.
YOU'VE GONE THROUGH A CHANGE THAT SOME OF THE PEOPLE, BIG
FANS, MIGHT HAVEINOID ALREADY, IN THAT YOU CHANGED YOUR
APPEARANCE IN SOME WAY?
WHAT DID YOU DO, DAVID SEDARIS?
>> DURING COVID, IN NEW YORK CITY YOU HAD TO WEAR A MASK ON
THE STREET, AND I HATED IT BECAUSE IT FOGGED UP MY GLASSES.
BUT THEN I THOUGHT, THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THIS THAT I
DON'T MIND.
AND I REALIZED IT WAS THE FIRST TIME IN MY ADULT LIFE THAT I
WASN'T JUDGED FOR MY TEETH.
I HAD BRACESSA AS A KID, AND THEN I STOPPED WEARING MY
RETAINER.
AND I USED TO JOKE I COULD FLOSS WITH THE SASH TO MY BATH ROBE.
YOU KNOW, LIKE-- IT'S NOT LIKE I HAD ONE GAP.
I HAD MASSIVE GAPS BETWEEN ALL MY FRONT TEETH, AND THEN THEY
STARTED GOING OUTWARD.
MY SAMY, ALWAYS SAID IT LOOKED LIKE I SWALLOWED A BOMB AND TIME
FROZE A NANOSECOND AFTER IT WENT OFF.
THEY'RE JUST ABOUT TO EXPLODE OUT OF MY MOUTH.
( LAUGHTER )
REOPENED, I WENT AND GOT THOSE INVISIBLE BRACE S.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> ONLY WORE THEM FOR 14 WEEKS, THAT WAS ALL.
>> Stephen: WOW.
>> AND DURING THE TIME THAT MY TEETH WERE SO AWFUL, I COULDN'T
LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR.
I WAS A GENUINE PHOBIA.
I COULDN'T DO IT.
BUT THEN SHE SHOWED ME THE BEFORE-AND-AFTER PICTURES,s
AND I COULDN'T BELIEVE THE BEFORE PICTURES.
IT WAS LIKE A HIPPO.
I LOOKED LIKE A HIPPO.
( LAUGHTER )
HAD TO SMILE, I SMILED LIKE A CHARLIE BROWN CHARACTER.
AND SOY REALIZED I HAD TO LEARN HOW TO SMILE.
AND SO I'M STILL WORKING ON IT.
OKAY, THIS IS MY SMILE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: REALLY NICE.
REALLY NICE.
YOU LOOK REALLY FRIENDLY.
>> THAT'S THE BEST-- I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT.
LIKE, FOR PHOTOS OR SOMETHING.
I DON'T-- BECAUSE I USED TO-- I WOULD ALWAYS GO LIKE THIS.
SO SELF-CONSCIOUS.
>> Stephen: CAN I GIVE YOU SOME ADVICE?
>> SURE.
>> Stephen: I GOT THIS ADVICE FROM NONE OTHER THAN JULIE
ANDREWS.
WE WERE TAKING A PHOTO BACK STAGE.
WOULD YOU LIKE THE ADVICE BLAKE-- HER HUSBAND-- ALWAYS
GAVE PEOPLE TO HAVE THE BEST POSSIBLE SMILE FOR A PHOTOGRAPH.
DON'T SAY CHEESE.
SAY MONEY."
IT REALLY WORKS.
>> MONEY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
MONEY.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE BEEN ON TOUR NOW-- AGAIN, YOU'RE ON TOUR
WITH THE NEW BOOK, "HAPPY-GO-LUCKY."
YOU-- >> I BELIEVE THAT LAST WEEK
NUMBER ONE ON "THE NEW YORK TIMES" BESTSELLER LIST.
( APPLAUSE )
THINK BEFORE THESE NEW TEETH YOU WOULD HAVE BRAGGED LIKE THAT.
>> NO.
>> Stephen: I THINK THAT'S A NEW DAVID.
AND I AM SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOUR FATHER DIED LAST YEAR.
I HAD MET YOUR FATHER BEFORE.
I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT HE WAS TO YOU AND TO AMY.
AND HE'S BEEN A BIG PART OF YOUR WRITING.
I READ ABOUT HIM FOR YEARS IN YOUR BOOKS.
AND I UNDERSTAND THAT THE TITLE O THE BOOK HAS TO DO WITH HIM.
WHAT IS THAT?
>> OH, THE TITLE STORY IS THE LAST TIME I SAW MY DAD.
HE-- HE WAS 98.
AND HE GOT... DEMENTIA.
AND HE FORGOT THAT HE WAS I REALLY DIFFICULT PERSON.
( LAUGHTER )
TELEVISION AT THE ASSISTED LIVING CENTER WAS REALLY
COMPLICATED.
SO HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO WORK THE TV.
AND IT WAS THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS THAT HE HADN'T HAD, LIKE,
FOX NEWS ON.
OR HE HADN'T HAD CONSERVATIVE TALK RADIO THAT JUST KEPT HIM AT
A BOILING POINT.
SO HE REALLY DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON IN THE WORLD.
AND IT MADE HIM A BETTER PERSON.
YOU BE, HE WAS JUST... AND HE WAS DELIGHTFUL.
AND, LIKE, AMY AND I WENT TO VISIT HIM.
AND WE SAID "WE BOTH HAD OUR SHOTS."
AND HE SAID, "I HAVEN'T HAD A DRINK SINCE I GOT HERE."
>> Stephen: DAVID, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU.
HIS BOOK IS "HAPPY-GO-LUCKY."
DAVID SEDARIS, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
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