A long time ago, I did some crazy stuff...
but I get sad when I think about it.
So I'm never gonna tell that story again.
C'mon... Pretty Please?
I even found an old picture from that time.
What do you think, old me?
should I tell them our story?
yeaaaaaaaaah!
I wanna fight!
You should be in school!
I'd rather jump off this cliff!
Weeeeeee!
Fine! You can learn how to fight!
Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!
But first you have to learn your origin bedtime story
But mom! Books are boring!
But this book is fully animated
It even has voice overs!
Wow!
Hey everyone, I'm Zeus!
I created humans and I think they're pretty great!
Well I'm Ares the god of war
and I think they're bad!
Well then I'm going to banish you to earth!
Ha ha! Dummy! Now I'm just gonna cause war on earth!
Then with my last bit of strength...
I will leave a god killing weapon on an island of women!
I always did like the ladies....
bleeeegh
Is the ultimate weapon me?
Uh... no dum dum, it's this sword!
Oh.
Did you tell Diana the truth?
That she is the weapon?
She doesn't need to know that!
It's literally her reason for existing!
We have to stretch this out for at least 2 hours.
Now, how can we seemlessly age her into an adult?
I'll start the montage
sneaking out and
swinging swords
and stabbin spears
and sneakin out
and riding horses
and shootin bows
and pointin swords
Mom's watching now oh my gosh
dont mess up now. You're so dang close
Mess up almost immediately
OH CRAP YOU ALMOST KILLED YOUR AUNT
Now walk away.....
Ugh!
I need a nap
AAaaaaaaaaaaaagh!
Someone freakin help meeeeeeee!
Fine!
This is bad!
Oh... you're just gonna stand there?
I guess I'll die now.
Odensleep!
Ooh!
Hello
Oh my gosh! You're so hot!
you are so hot!
Wanna have an action scene?
Do I ever!
Oh you meant this kind of action scene
That's what I meant too!
What did you think I meant?
Uhhhhhhh.
Nothing.
Now I just need a close relative to die tragically...
so I can start being a super hero.
As you wish!
There we go!
You will tell us who you are and why you are here!
No!
Come on... pretty please?
I'm totally a spy!
And I stole this book from the bad guys!
And I have to get back to London...
Or else this war is NEVER gonna end!
War!
War means, Ares! We must stop him!
No! Go away!
I'm so conflicted!
What should I do, cow?
Dis obey your mommy!
Okay!
Gimme dat!
And dat!
Aaaaaand That!
What are you doing?
I'm taking this hottie, and we are gonna stop Ares!
Yeah!
wait. What?
Cool. Good luck.
You're not going to try to stop me?
No.
Do you think I could have that magic book...
so I can remember what Ares looks like?
No.
Hey poison lady.
I need you to make me something strong enough to fight a super hero
I got you fam
I don't know...
Is this FDA approved?
Oooooooo Yeeeeaaaaah
Where are we?
Welcome to the world of man!
This place sucks!
Ugh... there's also tons of babies!
This place rocks!
No Diana! We have to be careful!
German spies are everywhere.
What? No they're not.
Freeze! ha ha!
Told you.
Give us back that book you stole!
Take this instead!
you can stop bullets?
That's right I can, Sucka!
Do it again!
And again!
Wow! That book must be important!
Steve Trevor, you're back!
Yes General! Please look at this book!
The bad guys are developing a gas that will destroy everything
You have to let us go stop them!
That's dumb! You're dumb!
I think you should let them go!
You can trust me!
I'm not the real bad guy or anything.
See! The not really the bad guy guy thinks we should go!
Fine.
Alright let's go. Time to get the runnin crew together!
Runnin crew, introduce yourselves!
I like to lie.
I have PTSD!
And I'm a demigod.
Wow really!
Are we going to learn more about that?
nope.
Where's my donut!?
Steve, we have to help these people!
No we gotta go!
I'm helping and you can't stop me!
The only way we can stop them is by crossing No Man's Land!
That means no Man can cross it!
Good thing I aint no man.
Oh crap! A woman!
They found a loop hole!
Shoot her! Shoot her!
Should we shoot her exposed legs?
No just keep shooting the shield!
Why didn't we name this "No Person's Land"?!
It's not like she's gonna destroy them all
well alright then.
Yay you saved us!
We almost died!
Do you know where the bad guys are headed?
They're about to have a party!
Alright, we'll just send Diana in.
NOOOOO!
You must be sneaky!
But she's like really powerful!
Do you want this movie to be over in two seconds?
Besides I haven't had my big reveal yet.
What?
Nothing! Be sneaky!
Alright guys, we have to be sneaky.
No Diana. You hear me?
Don't worry. We'll watch her.
You watching her?
She just pulled a Batman
Who's Batman?
I would kill to have your dress.
What?
I hope you are enjoying the bad guy party.
Ares!
There you are.
Time to die!
I said no Diana!
This movie isn't called Wonder Steve!
out of my way!
Fire the gas!
Uh oh! They're shooting at the town we just saved!
Hello? Anyone here?
Boooo! You didn't save us!
We died!
That's it!
Wasn't it funny when we gassed that defenseless town just now?
I heard that!
Uh oh!
Good thing I have these drugs!
Drugs are bad for your health!
I did it!
I killed Ares!
You sure about that?
What?
Who said that?
It's me!
Time for my big reveal!
Ares!?
Were you surprised?
NO!
My god killing weapon!
That wasn't the god killing weapon.
You are!
Whaaaaat?
Wow. You didn't know that?
Your mother really must've not wanted you to succeed.
They're loading the gas into the plane!
We have to stop it!
Has anyone seen Diana?
Oh Diana! There you are!
Listen, Diana...
I have to go be the hero now.
I'm tired of you stealing all the spotlight.
What are you saying?
You're so powerful!
It kind of scares me a little!
And you're honestly not that punctual!
You just kind of do your own thing all the time.
Whatever it is, I can do it.
Take this!
It'll help you keep better track of time!
Where are you going?
You like my new armor?
It suits you.
That's it!
Only I get to make puns here!
You're grounded!
Oh look! it's your boyfriend!
Steve!
I have to blow up the plane!
I'm gonna need a rain check on that dance, Diana.
Don't do it!
I can save you!
I can literally fly now!
It doesn't matter!
I'm gonna be in the sequel anyway.
Spoiler alert!
Fanny packs, here I come!
A man named Steve sacrificing himself on a plane in a world war...
Now where have I seen that before?
Shut up!
Ow!
That's it! Lightning time!
You're really trying to kill the daughter of Zeus with lightning?
I'm not very smart.
Thor called!
He wants his powers back!
What's with all the Marvel references!
Wakanda Forever!
And with that... the war ended
And all of the Germans were suddenly friendly.
Remember two seconds ago when we were trying to kill eachother?
Ya!
And peace was finally in hand.
Forever and ever.
Well then why didn't you stop Hitler?
Ummmmmmm.