Hey girls! Tiffany Dawn here and today I want to talk about this amazing email
that I got from one of you girls. And you wrote in asking like, "There's this guy
that I've been friends with for a while. I really appreciate his friendship and
he's an awesome guy but he asked what I would say if he asked me out." And she's
like, "I don't know what to say cause like I don't see him that way and I just want
to stay friends but I also really don't want to hurt him.
So how do I respond?" And the thing is like in a situation like that there's no
way to totally and 100% avoid hurting somebody because if someone puts their
heart out like that and takes a risk like that, like you are vulnerable. And if
the person says no, even in the nicest way, there is gonna be a little bit of
disappointment or maybe a little bit of hurt. However we can say no in those
situations in a way that's really encouraging and life-giving or you can
say no in a way that just tears the person down and makes them feel really
stupid for even asking. And we don't want to do that; we don't want people to feel
that way. So today I have three tips for you, three things that I would recommend
that you include if a guy asks you out and you don't want to go out with him.
Now this might not completely apply if a guy is like asking you out over and over
and he's like not a good guy and he's being real sketchy about it.
I would give a slightly different advice in that situation. Not that you ever want
to be mean to someone, but you might need to be like real firm. Like cut out the
nice stuff and just be like, "I'm not interested" at some point. But this video
specifically is like for really great guys -- guys that maybe you're even friends
with -- who are asking you out. And here are three things that I would include in
your response to them. So number one is let him know that you're honored that he
asked. Like, "Wow, thank you so much for asking me!" And just affirm like, "That
takes a lot of courage to ask a girl that and to put yourself out like that.
I'm just like thank you for asking me and like having the courage to ask me."
Tip number two is be honest and straightforward. I think a lot of times
we feel bad being honest and straightforward as women, but it's really
important. Like guys usually seem to take things at face value and so if you say
like, "Oh I don't really see anything right now with you," to them that usually
will mean like, "Oh so not right now but maybe in a few months I'll ask her again."
And then you're like leading him on with this hope that doesn't exist in your
mind but you were just trying to be too nice. So you really need to be honest
and straightforward. And for a guy, from what I understand, that's actually the
nicer thing to do - to be honest. So like, "Thank you so much for asking me. I
really just see you as a friend." Say what you mean and mean what you say.
And then number three: Let him know what you like about him. Like just affirm him, that he
really is a great guy that you're not saying no because he's a terrible person.
Unless of course he is a terrible person; then you can leave this part out. But I
think for most guys who ask us out, there's these qualities that you probably
really like about him or you really enjoy his friendship. And just kind of
let him know one or two of those things. You could say like, "There's a lot of
things I really admire about you." Just even something as simple as that so that
he doesn't leave thinking like, "What's wrong with me?" Which is easy to think
when you've been rejected. So to string all those things together, there's
different ways that you could say it and you want it to feel like it's coming
from you and genuine to you. But like an example would just be, "Wow thank you so
much for asking me. Like I know that takes a lot of courage and I just really
appreciate that. Honestly I just see us as friends and not more than that. Like I
think you're an awesome guy and there's so many things that I admire about you
but I just I don't feel that way about you and I would love to just stay
friends." Plain and simple. You've got - you're honoring him, thanking him, you're
affirming him, and you're being honest and straightforward about exactly how
you feel. And you know afterwards it might feel
awkward for a little bit. That's normal. That happens anytime somebody feels
rejected at all. Like there could be a little bit of awkwardness. But as time
passes you'll find that you can feel more normal around him and he can feel more
normal around you because you handled it in a really good way. And girls if
you're the one who's felt like you've been rejected a lot - I know I've
definitely been there - I have a video all about: How do you deal with rejection?
Which is linked down below, that you should totally check out. So I love you
girls and I'll see you on Tuesday for a 30 week of pregnancy update! Bye.