Since I was young my dad
always taught us that we should
leave this world in better conditions
than we´ve found it.
And for this reason I´ve decided to write
a book. I wrote an essay called "Código de Vida"
(The Code of Life) from which I would like
to share some ideas with you.
today.
Since I was a kid, I had a great
passion for fixing broken things.
I enjoyed fixing all the things
that I have found broken.
And that might also be the reason
for later in life choosing engineering
major in college.
There I have learned many techniques
for analysing problems
And one of the problems
which I had identified
at younger age
were unhappy marriages.
And yes, in my environment
there were many marriages,
but not all of them were happy.
This lead me to explore this problem
more deply
with the result that I got married
30 times.
(laughter)
Ha...
Les see...
Could you please help me
with the next slide.
Yeap.
OK
Thank you.
Well
Let´s ask ourselves a question.
Are happy marriages
an "impossible transformation" (theme of the event)
Only in 2012
in Mexiko there were more
than 99,000 cases of divorce.
And as you can see
in this graph
the trend is increasing
anualy.
What is happening is that
the frequency of
couples breaking up
is increasing steadily.
But not only this.
Fewer couples are deciding
to get married.
And what´s even more
disturbing is to see
that
it seems that
they are not willing
to establish profound
and lasting relationships.
What are the consequences
for our society?
Well.
If the family cells of the social fabric
are not formed by happy couples
we will have
a more difficult time
establishing
a healthy society.
I´d like to invite you at this point to
take a closer look at the problem.
Let´s see.
Our society currently uses
a model for marriages
that features some relevant
key relevant characteristics.
Amongst them, the first
is the duration.
The majority of people who get married
today promise themselves
love "until death sets us apart".
Some promise
even more.
They promise "eternal love".
As if this life
was not enough.
(laughter)
In reality, however,
if we think a few years back
around 60 years ago
life expectancy
in the city of Guadalajara
was about
50, 55 years.
Today, this number
is at 70-75 years.
And its not difficult to understand
that it is not the same to be
married with someone for 20 years
as it is for 50 years.
Another characteristic is
sexual fidelity.
Well.
These circumstances have also changed
Making a promise
of this magnitude today
really questionable.
A final characteristic is
the exclusivity of
emotional relationships.
Today our interactions
with other people
is increasing steadily.
Which makes this promise
equally something
difficult to commit.
In summary
Marriage,
or our current
model of marriage
is a set of standardized
expectations and conditions for all.
Which is equivalent to
insisting that all of us
from today on should use
the same shoe model
and shoe size.
All the same.
Imagine how inconvenient
this would be for all of us.
He he (laughter in audience)
Therefore it is important to
recognise that all of us
are individuals.
We are unique
and we change.
And equally,
our relationships are
unique and changing.
This audience that
is gathered here today
does not feel
think or act in the same
way as it did
5 or 10 years ago.
Hence, we can assume that
we won´t think, feel or act
in a same way
in 5 or 10 years.
Therefore, contrary to the
traditional model that establishes
that we have to find ourselves
our soul mate
who can fulfill
our interests, needs
and values;
we have to find
something new,
and we have to find it soon
because currently the traditional model
forces many people to
satisfy their needs in
obscurity, right?
OK.
The new model that I propose
is called
Multi-modal
Multivalent
Temporary
And this model proposes
that instead of
looking to satisfy
the code of our
needs, values and interests
with only one person; we should see
to fulfil them with a number of people at a time.
Lets take a look.
(laughter)
(some people applaud)
yes, yes, yes..
(applauses and laugher increases)
Don´t get too excited.
(laughter)
Why Multi-Modal?
Let´s try to explain this concept
with an example.
Lets assume that I am in a
relationship with Maria,
with whom I have found a great
match for most of my interests
and needs
except for one.
As it happens to be, I like
to hike in the mountains
and she does not even like to
go for a walk in the Alcalde Park. OK?
In this case
the model establishes that I aught to build a
relationship with someone
with whom I can
satisfy this interest
or need.
And what happens with Maria?
Exactly the same.
Lets assume that she
were really into literature
and I was not.
The new model establishes for this situation
that she ought to be seeking
someone with whom she
could satisfy here interest.
Why Multivalent?
Let´s continue with
our example.
Lets say that Maria and I
share an interest,
such as Dancing, for example.
But the extent
of this interests
is very different.
Meanwhile for me
it is enough to
accompany here to,
lets say,
several times per month
at a romantic place.
For here it might not be sufficient
because dancing
is her passion
and she expects me to
accompany her
at least twice a week
to the dance club.
Luckily, this model
proposes again
that she seeks out a person
with whom she
can satisfy her needs
to the extent she
needs.
The final characteristic
of the model
is Temporality.
And what this means is
that instead of promising
love until death sets us appart
or eternal love,
the difference is that we
define an expiration date
for our relationship.
Like in medicines.
An expiration date.
It could be 5 or 10 years.
Whatever the couple decides
with the option for renewal.
Once this period has passed
it can be renewed.
This condition would drive
that we offer
the best version of ourselves
to the relationship
and to our partner.
Because otherwisse
they will not renew our contract.
(laughter)
And at this point I would like to invite
the audience members who are married
or in a relationship
to reflect for a moment
if we would ask at this moment
to reflect for a moment if
your partner would renew their contract
Do you think they would do it?
What do you think?
Think a little bit about this question.
Well, this point of view has helped me
and my partner to extend
our relationship for
more than 30 years,
making happy marriages
a possible transformation.
Thank you very much.
(applause)