look at this guy
that's about right
thank you will i just would like to say earlier today yeah when i was told that
you were coming out dressed as a leprechaun i said to myself well that'll be stupid but
you'll look like a billion dollars my friend thank you you really do thank you
so this tells me that you're irish you're celebrating anything goes well i don't know
if i'm celebrating um because st patrick's day is a very serious holiday to me uh
you know we know of it as getting drunk and drinking green beer but we forget that
in the fifth century the real st patrick he chased all the snakes out of ireland
so we do we do forget that every st patrick's day i put on my outfit
and i walked the streets of new york
educating people on the dangers of snakes and
so it
try to guess how many snake attacks just in last year alone in manhattan
in manhattan wow i uh i'm gonna guess and don't take this the wrong way i'm gonna guess it's a
low number 36 000 30. there's this there's a snake attack that occurs in this city every nine seconds
now check check under your seats ladies and gentlemen how would of course i wouldn't know
that the media doesn't want you to know that but i'm out there i'm out there every st patrick's day
wow god bless you is all i can say and it's tough you know of course so have you yourself
ever been attacked by a snake well no because i know the tactics to get away from a snake
i know there's certain parts of the city not to hang out in oh the mistakes are limited to
a certain part of certain areas of population density that you want to stay away from i see
um but uh but i've it's it's happened several times we've come very close very close yeah
yeah yeah now are you what they call a herpetologist uh no no
i'm just concerned about concerned citizens citizens yeah and uh and don't stay at the w hotel
that's the one place okay a lot of snake infestations all right the one the one downtown
okay thanks thompson square park thank you for that tip yeah now uh if i can uh talk about uh
uh that hasn't been said happy saint patrick's oh the same view thank you very much yeah
i you do look great it's super comfortable i'm not gonna lie no it's nice and i think people
should walk around in leggings more often yeah wearing it more than just saint patrick's day
uh now now this thing that you did you played major league baseball in the cactus league this
is arizona training camp for how many different teams this was last thursday i played for ten
different teams ten different teams yeah ten ten different positions uh nine positions
as well as d.h uh now i would like to point out here that i know in high school you were
a pretty good athlete pretty good yeah hit 390 my senior year wow 18 hits 18 strikeouts um
all singles it's all right so he slapped the ball around yeah the field yeah and
what positions you play uh left field right field center left field 30 fleet of
pretty pretty fleet of footwork a foot yeah okay so now now now we're not kidding around these
are the spring training games they're serious because everybody's fighting for a position on
the right were real major league baseball games we were commemorating the 50-year anniversary of bert
camponeris who for the kansas city a's played all nine positions in a in a major league game
and we were we were doing that we're raising money for cancer for college my friend craig's
charity which uh we give college scholarships to cancer survivors and a wonderful thing to do yeah
and uh so so people who have succeeded in in their uh battle against cancer right are now
given scholarships to continue their lives and their uh studies that's that's a wonderful thing
and this was a great way to uh raise money so i played uh uh and there were moments that
were terrifying i'm not gonna lie to you yeah uh trying to hit a 90 mile an hour fastball
it's next to impossible well of course yeah and and they don't ease up because the last
thing they want to do is hurt themselves well or give a give up a hit to movie boy right right
and the other intimidating thing is when they smile at you on the mound
they just smile a sly smile and then they throw it as hard as they can yeah
now give us the highs and lows of the experience the highs probably uh were uh getting a foul tip
i actually fell tipped so you made some kind of contact a dribbler down the right field
i don't think it made it past first base all right you got some wood on it that's all we
care about the low light was probably playing left field for the diamondbacks
i entered the game they were down 9-1 when i left we were losing 12-1 after four consecutive balls
were hit to me out in the outfield but they can't blame you for that they can't but the manager did
they said he did yeah he issued really he you were he was out in a press conference afterwards what
did you think of the event he's like i don't like it yeah when farrell came in we gave up
three runs because of him yeah but they were they were balls that a major leaguer would have gotten
to but i'm just too damn slow well yeah uh but and then i tried to joke around with the guys
oh did they like that no they didn't like it they didn't like it at all
yeah yeah i said come on guys here we go yeah little 11 run rally we can do it right
and no one would look at me he'd look at you yeah yeah so what are you doing that because
you're you're i just walked over to the reds dug out because that was the next team i'm supposed
to play for and then i told the reds this dugout is a lot more fun you don't want to be over there
so well uh and how did you feel physically at the end of that day that's a grueling experience you
know i i felt okay i did take a uh a bath in tiger balm oh no but you can't do that no you don't know
well i know it now yeah yeah i didn't know it then i didn't know that stuff was still illegal
myself my goodness we got some shipped in yeah from but i did okay i did okay yeah you look great
in those uniforms thank you and i'm beginning to think that any uniform you look great in
but you really look like a big leaguer well i'm still hoping for a call dave oh you know
sure i feel like i turned some heads yeah i bet it would be coming in but your your boys must
have been thrilled they loved it they've got to be bat boys for the dodgers and uh even though
my oldest boy noticed he kept saying anytime there was a rowdy fan he'd turn to my wife and go mama
it's a good lesson for us all you know what else i enjoyed was
and there there are many lovely moments on the saturday night live 40th anniversary paul paul
schaefer was featured with her good friend bill murray and you of course were on uh jeopardy
yeah that was great yeah and what um what what do you remember from that night i mean it was
crazy three hours of non-stop big time comedy uh kind of you know a wonderful experience very
surreal to get everyone together in that one room uh you know i and i had to i had to rush
backstage i couldn't sit out there for the beginning of the show because they wanted me
to get ready for the jeopardy sketch but as soon as i got ready i i got back out into the studio
because i wanted to watch at least watch the monologue and here comes steve martin and you know
to to be the you know de facto host for that moment and kick off the show and i look up and
there's bill o'reilly everyone's just clapping and bill arrives like this really what's the
problem i don't know i don't know if you got a a wrong seating assignment or something
or what but just a real sour puss yeah do you know bill o'reilly i know i've never met him um too bad
just a real charmer yeah yeah that's hard to explain yeah but uh yeah he he i don't
know what he was doing there if he wasn't a fan of saturday night exactly and maybe he
was maybe just really a student of comedy yeah and he didn't want to yeah that's what you know
he was studying maybe he was just going that's funny yeah that's funny
uh well that kind of take the gas out of the room a little bit if you were focused on him
yeah for sure uh but but otherwise incredible night and uh uh it's wonderful that that show
uh has been the birthplace of so much tremendous comedy and continues continues no slowing down
speaking of tremendous comedy i thought the combination of you and kevin hart was fantastic
it must have been great i mean the energy this kid has yeah he's got a lot of energy yeah he's uh but
he's a super super funny guy uh but it must have been great fun working
with him and like i said the the chemistry on the screen is fantastic you uh playing
um kind of a i don't know how would you describe kind of a dimwit not a dimwit a little bit of a
a good-natured dimwit um forget i said dimwit just played a regular guy yeah
a regular i'm i'm a a a hedge fund guy who's really a financial genius but doesn't have
any social skills like savant savant yeah and uh um and i find out that i've i've been uh
accused of embezzling 200 million dollars and i'm about to go into maximum security prison
you are you've been set up bamboozled to be a father in law and kevin is going to help me
uh get ready for this situation he's going to help you get ready to go away to prison
right for thirty thousand dollars and then and then the uh the fun begins right now uh
well it seems to me like there was so he how much of that was you guys just doing it uh doing what
no ah you know oh wait a minute no no no none of that
kevin and i when when we did it we
we just had a lot of fun yeah yeah and we listen to each other which is when you're doing it you
should listen to each other right you know when you're getting the laughs yeah yeah that's that's
exactly well that's i guess what i was talking about yeah yeah um yeah and and and uh we have a
12 off of each other oh and uh a nice kid nice kid and he's um he's significantly shorter than i am
and that that gives uh some of the comedy the physical disparity between us
it's the kind of thing bill riley would love this kind of the examination of comedy bill bill's not
he's he's going to think this movie's so funny he's just going to be completely silent yeah yeah
you know we were talking about baseball earlier did i miss my opportunity for some harry carrie
no no not not right st louis cardinals and the chicago cubs
perry carey uh beloved beloved into the season 1998 last game well we saw some great things today
some were terrific some were inspiring it's too bad today's win didn't give us a pennant
but i'm sure that in the near future
as sure as god's green apples this cubs team is going to make a world series
i don't know who the manager is going to be but it's got to be someone who can handle veterans
we got a mixture of young guys and veterans well you want to listen to
the veterans because they teach the young guys exactly exactly like the sack of life
he didn't say that what about uh ernie banks one of the great cubs of all time yeah yeah well uh uh
it's it's nice to know that the cubs have been in the world series many many times since then
this year's the year i feel it okay i played for the cubs i played first base yeah and this and
on thursday you liked what you saw i gave him a pep talker like guys we can do it this year
and they shook their heads let's uh you know i i can't leave you without yes there there
there's something that i do in my youth program when i'm educating people about snakes
and snakes yeah it's a version of of an irish classic that i'd love to sing to you if that's
all right yes i'm so sorry i completely no it's fine if you'll indulge me i love it
oh daddy boy
the snakes the snakes are calling
from the upper east side and down from chinatown
don't walk the high line and stay away from dumbo because in dumbo
the snakes wear skinny jeans wear this outfit
on every saint patrick's day laugh and throw potatoes at me
but all i want
is tourists to know about the dangers of snakes oh danny boy watch out for snails
it's emotional the great will ferrell ladies and gentlemen god bless you will
you