Everyone knows that if you're planning on joining the military, then you'd better be
ready to be told what to do.
From day one you'll be told what to wear, where to go, what to do when you get there,
who to talk to or not talk to, and even what time you'll get to sleep.
Meal time however has always come with some freedom- you're free to swap MREs between
soldiers and if you have the luck of eating at a chow facility then you typically have
a decent selection of food to pick from.
Now though the US military is considering a new mandatory diet to enforce on its troops,
as its researchers investigate a super diet which many hope will produce a super soldier.
The 90s had the Atkins diet, and if you have a facebook account then you've probably seen
an aunt or friend post about the miracles of the Keto diet.
You're probably used to hearing about all sorts of fad diets by now though, from all-carbs
to no-carbs, to the hilariously misguided paleo diet that is supposed to be based off
the types of foods that early man ate.
You know, back when people died at age thirty and also ate food that no longer exists.
The slew of miracle diets has probably worn you down, but it turns out that the US military
thinks there really might be something to the keto diet after all.
Currently the Pentagon is investigating a keto- or ketogenic- diet and its physical
and mental health effects on soldiers.
The diet takes its name from the physiological state known as ketosis, which is when your
body is burning almost nothing but fat for energy, while turning some of that fat into
ketones in the liver, directly juicing the brain with energy.
Typically our diets consist of a mixture of carbohydrates and fat, and so our bodies have
a great deal of carbs to burn off before it gets to the fat- which it prefers to burn
last as fat is basically an insurance policy.
That's right, that spare tire you've been carrying around your mid section is your body's
way of keeping you alive, because back before Uber Eats and supermarkets on every corner,
humans had to hunt and gather for their food, and food could be scarce indeed.
On the off chance that you came across a glut of food though- like say a bunch of woolly
mammoths entered into a suicide pact together and ran themselves off a cliff- then your
body would greedily turn all that extra food into nice thick fat that it stored around
the body.
Then when lean times came again the body would burn up all that stored fat.
So now next time somebody says you need to lose weight, just remind them that your body
is operating at peak evolutionary efficiency and doing all it can to keep you alive.
A Keto diet basically starves you of carbohydrates and instead focuses on foods that are rich
in fat, which paradoxically then makes the body burn that fat, and the fat you've been
saving up for hard times, more efficiently.
As fat is a much richer energy source than carbs, proponents of the Keto diet claim that
the diet gives the body more energy and makes it perform better.
Always looking for a way to get an edge on the battlefield, the Pentagon then decided
to put its best BS detectors on the job and started investigating the effects of a keto
diet on its troops.
Partnering with researchers at the Ohio State University, the study followed twenty-nine
soldiers in total over a twelve week exercise training program.
Fifteen of the soldiers would eat only a keto diet, while the other fourteen at a normal
diet.
All twenty nine partook in the same exercises and training programs with their performances
observed side by side.
After twelve weeks the study showed that the troops partaking in the keto diet saw a whopping
sixteen pound (7.7 kg) weight loss, along with dramatically improved body composition.
The keto soldiers also showed a 48% improvement in insulin sensitivity, which means that their
body's cells could use blood glucose more effectively thus reducing their blood sugar
levels.
As far as physical performance though, both groups of soldiers showed very similar progress
through the physical training aspects, and neither group out performed the other physically,
showing similar scores in aerobic capacity, maximal strength, power, and speed through
an obstacle course.
Clearly the keto diet is great for weight loss, but there's one group of soldiers who
have taken heed of the Ohio State University's results and become very interested in the
diet.
That group is the US Navy and its community of divers and Navy SEALs, as research has
shown that individuals in ketosis are able to stay underwater for longer periods than
those not in ketosis.
Being in ketosis dramatically changes the way your body handles oxygen deprivation and
allows a human diver to stay underwater at deeper depths and for longer amounts of time.
That's likely no big surprise to whales and dolphins, whom naturally indulge in a keto
diet every day of their lives, proving that nature is as usual way ahead of the curve
versus humans.
Lisa Sanders, director of science and technology at the US Special Operations Command, recently
stated that her labs are partnering with civilian labs to see what effects ketosis has on altitude-induced
hypoxia.
If the body can process oxygen better even at low quantities, much as its better able
to resist oxygen deprivation during diving, then that means that soldiers would be able
to better operate in low-oxygen environments such as high altitudes.
This would give US forces an unparalleled edge over their enemies when fighting in mountainous
regions, and could be especially critical for special operations forces.
Sanders also commented that her labs are investigating alternate ways of inducing ketosis in the
human body, as achieving a natural state of ketosis through diet typically requires five
days of eating a keto-only diet.
This would mean that soldiers operating at high altitudes would have to prepare for five
days before going on their mission, which would be an extremely unlikely luxury.
If ketosis could be induced quicker though, soldiers would be faster prepared to undergo
deep or long dives, and to operate in higher altitudes.
Staying within the bounds of a keto diet though requires careful meal preparation, as you
must intake less than fifty grams of carbs a day- something which would not be easily
achieved on a hectic modern day battlefield, and yet another reason alternate means of
inducing ketosis would be ideal.
However, while the Pentagon's study showed that the keto diet had no direct impact on
soldier's physical performance- other than making them more fit by losing weight- other
studies have shown that a keto diet may in fact be giving the brain a boost.
Individuals with epilepsy have been shown to suffer fewer seizures while on the diet,
granting much needed relief that doesn't come at the cost of taking a bunch of drugs with
terrible side effects.
The keto diet sounds great, and while it clearly falls far short of the health benefits your
aunt posts about on Facebook, it has proven effective at weight loss and may be giving
your brain a boost.
However, no long term research has been done on the effects of a keto diet on a human over
the long term, and as with any extreme diet, there are bound to be risks involved.
Humans evolved to be omnivores, and straying too far into specialized diets always carries
serious risks.
Yet some of the risks of a keto diet are already apparent amongst its practitioners, and the
most common side effects include high cholesterol, constipation, bad breath, and high-pressure
projectile diarrhea.
Just kidding, we made that last one up- but what we did not make up is the far more suffered
and appropriately termed, Keto Crotch.
This side effect is exactly what it sounds like- practitioners of the keto diet very
often report that their crotches begin to smell terribly, and that should come as no
surprise as any extreme diet can result in drastic PH changes in the body.
When you disturb the body's PH balance, it likes to remind you that it's still in charge
by making you stinky.
There's no known cure for keto crotch, though we guess that frequent bathing is probably
a good place to start, and maybe it wouldn't hurt to keep an air freshener in your underwear.
A keto diet may not lead to super soldiers in the end, but it might lead to much more
fit and leaner soldiers, which would improve the overall health of the US fighting force.
If government labs can figure out how to induce ketosis without undergoing a five day diet
change, it would also give US troops an edge in mountain combat, and give its divers and
Navy SEALs much greater endurance at deeper depths when carrying out dangerous missions.
Perhaps, with all the resources of the US military behind it, research into the keto
diet could even discover a cure for keto crouch, putting to rest the fears and suffering of
millions of keto practitioners around the nation.
Think you would ever risk a smelly crotch for weight loss?
What's the craziest diet you ever tried?
Also, be sure to check out our other video, Why the military can’t quit Windows XP!
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