Hello I’m from the Australien Government with an important announcement as we enter
the next stage of the climate crisis
MASSIVE FIRES
MASSIVE FLOODS
MASSIVE BULLSHIT
As things fall apart and calls grow for us to urgently reduce our emissions
we've come up with a PR campaign, I mean technology
that makes us look like climate heroes whilst doing sweet nada
Introducing Carbon Capture and Storage
Carbon Capture and Storage, or CCS, is a complex mining process
whereby fossil fuel companies inject donations into the arseholes of politicians
to delay climate action and let them keep making the ching-ching
CCS entails two key stages: Capture and Storage
In the Capture phase, also known as State Capture, fossil fuel interests infiltrate
your Government at every level
so that we’ll ignore scientists and keep approving new coal and gas projects
But don’t worry, in the Storage phase we pay those fossil fuel companies
billions of dollars to bury their emissions underground
Does it work? Absolutely
Those companies store the billions of dollars deep, deep down in their bank accounts
where no tax officer can reach them
What’s that, do they store the carbon? Yeh nah
CCS has missed every single target we’ve set for it
Let’s take a look!
Twenty years ago, we told you that by today CCS would capture 5,000 million tons of CO2 per year
Today, the world can barely capture 10
Which is so far off target you can’t even see it on this graph
And when you remember that our global emissions are 36 BILLION tonnes each year
even if had met it’s target, it would contribute approximately...
FUCK ALL
We also said there’d be a hundred CCS projects running by today
Today, there are only 6
But the biggest one’s right here in Straya - so how’s it been doing?
Well we gave Chevron $60 million dollars to capture it’s emissions and in 2016 it captured...
Fuck All
In 2017...
Fuck All
In 2018...
Fuck All
But in 2019, it finally... got clogged up by sand
To date, Gorgon has captured only 30% of it’s target - and that’s just it’s processing emissions
If you include all those released when the gas is finally burned, it captured barely 2%
But hey, Chevron stored 100% of that $60 million you gave them
CAPTURE AND STORAGE!
And that’s just the latest fail
Here at the Canadien Government we spent aboot a billion dollars to prove CCS works, at this power plant
Except it proved it doesn’t, by failing to reach it’s target every single year, eh
And here at the US Government, we said this one would give us Clean Coal
It was years late, billions over budget, and then gave up coz it cleaned jack shit
As did this one
And it’s not just the technology that sucks, the economics do too
Coz CCS is so expensive that even if it worked, which it doesn’t
implementing it would be unprofitable for our mates
Unless of course we make you pay for it
Which is exactly what we’ve been doing by blowing $4 billion of your tax dollars on CCS
Including these new projects we just approved
And the best part is we’re paying for them by diverting funds away
from agencies which are meant to subsidise actual climate solutions
Like renewables and EVs
So to sum up: we’re making you pay fossil fuel companies to reduce emissions
by funding a technology that doesn’t reduce emissions
with tax dollars that were meant for solutions that do
to benefit companies that pay fuck-all tax in the first place
CAPTURE AND STORAGE!
There IS another way to make CCS profitable: Enhanced Oil Recovery
That’s when the captured CO2 is used to flush out oil from deposits
which would otherwise be too hard to reach
Oil which once burned can release more carbon than was captured
You might call that bullshit, but we call that Carbon Capture Use
Which is why we’ve added a U to CCS
Given Santos millions to pull off that trick at Moomba, and called it cLeAn EnErGy
Speaking of bullshit, have you heard of Clean Hydrogen?
Fuck Green Hydrogen, the energy source with zero emissions made from renewables and water
Here’s “Clean Hydrogen”: made with coal or gas which emits more than if you just burned
the fucking coal or gas in the first place
But don’t worry, it’s “clean” - coz we’ll bury that problem too, with CCS
And those are just some of the New Technologies we’ll be using to avoid taking real climate action
And when you add them to the mix, you can clearly see what we’re all about...
Australien Government
Authorised by the Department for Prolonging the Fossil Fuel Era and Making you Pay For It