-Our first guest tonight is an Emmy Award-nominated actor
and comedian you know from such shows as "30 Rock,"
"Saturday Night Live," and "The Last O.G."
He is currently traveling North America
for his "No Disrespect" stand-up tour.
Please welcome back to the show,
our friend Tracy Morgan, everybody!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Hey, Tracy Morgan, hey!
We're happy to have you.
It's very exciting.
I know you have a lot going on right now,
but I want to start by asking -- I know you're a lover of sharks.
-Yeah. -You're a man with a home full
of aquariums, and you just hosted
a special "Shark Week" special.
-Yeah, man, I love me some sharks.
More than flounder.
-You like sharks more than flounder?
-Yes! I love sharks, man.
-I never even heard this. -It's in my blood.
Marine life is in my blood. -Always.
-A lot of people don't know that Jacques Cousteau
is my biological grandpa. -[ Laughs ] What? Really?
[ Laughter ]
-Jacques Cousteau! -You're a quarter Cousteau?
-Jacques Cousteau Morgan.
-[ Laughs ] Really? -That was his name.
My grandmother did catering on his boat, the Calypso.
-Oh, wow!
-And he loved her red beans and rice.
-[ Laughs ]
-Loved them, one thing led to another.
-Really? -And voilà.
-Well, voilà -- -They start getting busy.
-Yeah.
-On the seat. -On the seat?
-You know, he got a sign on the
back of his boat that said... -Jacques Cousteau --
-..."if this Calypso is a-rockin',
don't come a-knockin'." -I didn't know that.
What an interesting slice of marine history.
-Yeah.
-You -- I want to have a serious moment here.
I did read that you were getting a divorce.
I was very sorry to read that.
-Yeah, man, I'm getting a divorce, man.
My ex-wife took that social distancing too far.
[ Laughter ]
She moved out, and I ain't seen her since!
I called her up, I said, "Baby, you quarantining?"
She said, "Call it what you want to call it.
I ain't never coming back to you."
-Well, so that is very sad, but I'm wondering,
are you getting back in the game?
Are you gonna try dating again?
Are you gonna use the dating apps?
-Yeah, I'm on the app!
-You're on the app? -I'm on Tinder!
-Okay. -Tray Bag is on Tinder.
My Tinder profile is just a Walmart truck
dropping a bag of money on my front lawn.
[ Laughter ]
I'm holding a sign to say, "Can I live?"
-Do you -- I know [indistinct]
I know your ex-wife was younger than you.
Are you dating women your age now?
-Yeah, I'm dating age-appropriate, man.
I'm going for old broads. -Okay. What age --
-75, 80.
-Oh, you are? -That's my thing!
You got pushing around the oxygen tank,
you know, she has emphysema.
-Oh, wow.
-That's what I love!
Organic names like Blanche or Flossie.
She smokes Pall Mall cigarettes,
has a casino voice.
She [raspy voice] talks like this, "I love you, too, Tracy."
-[ Laughs ]
-♪ I see trees of green, red roses, too ♪
That's my baby girl.
[ Laughter ]
-Now, it is the end of the school year,
have you had to go to graduations?
Have you been attending that sort of --
-I've been to one. -Okay.
-My Uncle Leonard, he graduated.
-Oh, he did? Your uncle? -In prison, in prison.
He did 38 years in prison, and he's just getting his GED.
-Oh, wow, that's -- -I was like,
"Well, what you been doing for 38 years?"
And the warden got these convicts thinking
they're gonna get their diploma and go off to college.
That's not going to happen. -No?
-They're gonna get that piece of paper and go back to their cell.
-Do they wear -- Do they give them the cap and gown?
-Yeah, they got the cap and gown
and the state-issue greens underneath with the shackles.
You can see the guard up in the tower with the rifle.
They actually on the stage singing the graduation song.
Convicts up there going...
♪ How do I say goodbye to what we had? ♪
♪ The good -- ♪ They got them doing it.
I just left. -Oh, you left, yeah.
-It was funny. -You, um...
[ Laughter ]
-Going back on the road must be nice.
I know people are gonna be happy to see you.
Are you happy now that the pandemic is cooling down
you get to go out and do some live comedy again?
What are you looking for there, Tracy?
-I'm sorry. -[ Laughs ]
-I was looking at the guy up there.
He's not smiling. [ Laughter ]
He's not laughing at none of my jokes.
Why are you shortchanging me, man?
What have I done to you?
What was you saying?
-Well, just based on that,
we can tell how much you love an audience.
Are you excited to get back out and do stand up again?
-Yeah, man, but now I've got to worry about monkeypox.
-Monkeypox? -Yeah, monkeypox.
-You're concerned about, oh, the pandemic's over,
but you're worried about --
-I'm worried about the monkeypox.
They're out there! -Yeah.
-And monkeypox has been around forever.
-Oh, it's not new.
-It's been around since the '90s.
-Really? -They ain't nothing but clap.
-What? -The monkeypox --
my cousin, Bernard, he got the monkeypox in '96.
-Oh, wow. -Well, he had gonorrhea, too,
so they just gave him a shot of penicillin
and got rid of both of them.
-Oh, they knocked them out at once.
That's nice. Yeah. -Yeah.
-One shot for the price of -- -Monkeypox.
That's the reason why Michael Jackson got rid of Bubbles.
[ Laughter ]
Bubbles gave him monkeypox.
Bubbles was a nasty chimp.
[ Laughter ]
He hit anything moving.
-Yeah, you know what? We don't hear a lot about --
-Bubbles was nasty! [ Laughter ]
He can't come to my house. -Bubbles can't --
-He better stay away from my sister, I know that.
[ Laughter ]
-We'll be right back with more from Tracy Morgan.