OK, earlier in the month we chatted about
a topic that really got people talking.
This was so cool to see you guys connecting.
It was called toxic positivity. The idea.
So now it's time to take a deeper
dive into this conversation and get
answers to some difficult questions.
Because you guys said you wanted more,
we could not do that without the help from
our good friend doctor Sharon Patterson.
Thanks you so much for being back with us
to quote confess our mess and move on.
Hannah, it is time to confess
I messed I was blown away by
the response to that segment.
People not only in North Texas
but on my social media feeds.
Picked it up and we're talking about
because it impacts us so many of
us are guilty of toxic positivity.
You know, I was going
to say I was.
I wouldn't say surprised because I,
I know I resonated with that topic.
It was encouraging.
Maybe to see the way
people connected with it.
What was it that you saw?
What were some things that you
heard from people when we spoke
about that idea last week?
And why do you think it connected?
The main thing was it was so pervasive,
everybody is looking to feel good Hannah.
We are going through this pandemic and
we are hurting and what's happening.
Our society has become
obsessed with feeling good.
You see T shirts, good vibes only
or feel good or be happy and so at
as coping mechanisms to help us make
it through these difficult times.
We have obsessed and latched on
to feeling good and rejecting bad.
That's where the trouble comes in.
So I was gonna say to kind of sum it up for
folks that may have not seen it last week.
The idea of toxic positivity and tell
me if I have this correctly or not.
It's the idea that if somebody comes
to you with a really difficult
situation says I just lost a loved one.
Maybe you respond and say
everything happens for a reason.
Your intention is to be positive,
but what you're doing is denying
that person's pain, correct?
Is that right?
Perfect toxic positivity is the
belief that a positive phrase
is appropriate at all times.
It's a forced positivity and there
are times when you ought to just
stop and not be positive and get
into the negativity with that person.
OK, alright, and so you
came up with really some.
I love this a list of do's
and don'ts so we know what to
do in difficult situations.
The first one is confess our mess.
Let's just admit that we
are all guilty of this.
Admit that we tend to say.
It's gonna be OK.
Think positively.
I made it through.
You can make it through.
Admit that it's grained inside of
you and it's time to get it out of
you and to confess it and to begin
to make mental checks about what
you say and how you say it to.
People really focus in on the person,
not how you feel but how they feel.
Doctor Patterson.
Why is that important to acknowledge
whatever our struggle is or what
another person struggle is?
What does that do for us?
Simply just confessing it and acknowledging
it? Yeah, handle the bottom
line is it's time to get real.
It's safe to be artificial and superficial,
but now with this toxic positivity,
it's time to get real and be authentic
and allow people to be their authentic
selves around you because what you don't
want Hannah is to be so artificial.
To be so happy all the time that
you are annoying and irritating and
people don't want to be around you.
Yeah, you feel like you can't
really be open with them.
The next one is.
Find a balance because you don't
wanna go too far the other
way with negativity, right?
Exactly, here's a good balance.
Found a good balance between it's
going to be OK and I see you hurting.
Do you want to talk about that?
I I really like that it's a
different way of looking at it.
The next one is to embrace your emotions
as opposed to you know stuff them down.
We as human beings tend to
run away from our emotions.
Sometimes we even demonize our emotions.
But Hannah, our emotions are our friends.
They give us signs and signals and
input as to what's going on around
us and so when those bad when
those negative emotions flare up,
it's not time to run from them or
cover them up with a good vibes
only and a smile with a stop
and say hey what's going on?
Let's unpack that because
if you try to ignore it.
You repress it,
and when you repress it,
it gets bigger and bigger
and blows up on you.
Later on Doctor
Patterson this next one I love,
it's it's OK to not be OK and
there was actually a quote from
Brené Brown who said that this is
tougher perfectionist and she said
perfectionism isn't about being perfect,
it's about hiding any
vulnerabilities or flaws.
You just want to appear
perfect on the outside.
Hannah, you are exactly right.
And and Renee did coined this phrase,
but it is OK not to be OK.
Give people space to be
to be in a time of pain.
Give people space to mourn and I
want to say to you this morning.
This COVID virus has me nervous
and upset and anxious and I feel
OK about not being OK.
Let's put it out there and
and and and and live in that.
Not being OK.
Yeah, 'cause I think people when they
keep it to themselves they say am I the
only one struggling with this last one?
You say real quickly just listen
and I wanna tell you real quickly
after our last segment last week
a woman called us to say how much
your conversation helped her after
she lost her mother and her faith
community essentially said that you
know everything happens for a reason.
She said, I know they didn't mean it,
but I just wanted them to listen 15 seconds.
What's your thought on that?
Oh yes, just listen.
Don't try to fix everything because
number one you can't number 2 the person
that's coming to you wants to be heard.
People want to be heard and when
they are heard they are validated
and we humans want validation.
We want to be heard and made to feel that
we are authentic and valuable people.
Doctor Patterson, I cannot
thank you enough for your time.
We will definitely be having you back.
'cause I think we've tapped
into something that people are
are really resonating with.
Thank you Hannah. Have a good day.
You too. I'll see you soon.