Group hug!
Hi guys, and welcome to the Internet!
We are back off tour, and I have many a story to tell, beginning with this one
- Okay - Do you remember
- ... when we were getting our massages ... - Yeah
- ... in Los Angeles, - Yeah
and I was stuck in reception with the gay guy from Modern Family
- Yeah - ... for about a fifteen minutes
I don't know his name. - Is he gay in real life?
- I think he is - It was the ginger one
- And he was at reception, and I was, I was purposefully listening hard
to see if he was a real arsehole
He wasn't, might I add. He was ver ...
- He's not really reached that level of fame, has he?
Arsehole fame. - But what's funny is he kept looking over to me, cuz I was waiting for Rosie to have hers finished
and I was in the reception, and I thought,
"Okay, do I: A, act too cool for school?"
which is the, the route I chose
But I was tempted to do this.
Maybe he was straight or bi and he liked you
He wasn't straight. He was there with another guy who was clearly gay.
Oh I hope he's, I hope he's out in real life - They could just be friends
- ... because I'm... I think he probably is gay.
- Shall I quickly Wikipedia it?
- You should probably google that - ... before you out the gay guy.
- You should probably google that. - Okay
Is Jesse Tyler [Ferguson] gay? Let's look it up. - Okay, it's not gonna be on his IMDB under his credits.
It's not gonna be like "Modern Family - Massive gay". - I had to find out.
Okay, so he's out, okay good - I think he's gay
I'll also add that he was very polite to people - Good
- Yeah I know. He wore a cap very, very low, just in case he was recognised, because of his superstardom,
but, um, didn't get past me, did it? - Or you do that ... Or you do that in LA cuz it's really hot
- Shannon does it because of her superstardom, I bet
- Shannon's so famous she has to wear a cap indoors
So we're back. We're back after a mental few weeks, aren't we, Rosie?
I know, it's been cra ... It's, it hasn't stopped being mental, has it?
It hasn't. As soon as we got back, we didn't get a day off, and we started working again. By choice.
... Kind of ... - No, not really, but we enjoy what we do, so that's good.
Favourite moment from the tour, hit me with it
- From the tour? - From the tour
- Or the time when we were ... okay - The time we were away
Okay
Probably all the bisexual girls I met who was like, "I love your bisexual videos",
and the one who was like, "You're my favourite"
That was probably my, one of my favourite memories.
We met some really cool girls in New York, who I liked
Just meeting the people, I think it was fun.
I enjoyed, I really enjoyed all the shows.
Don't know, haven't got ... I actually can't pick one - Alright, "can't pick one"
Um, my favourite memories from tour, uh
when people laughed more at my jokes,
when I had most of the stage time
when people kissed me, not you
Um, probably when people went mental when we left each venue. For me.
Just a few amongst many
Do you know what my least favourite time was?
- Spending it with you
Zing!
You know what, Wony, I'm gonna go wead my highway code book now
- No, don't read the highway code book - No, I is. I'm gonna wead it.
Genuinely my favourite moment on tour ... - Yeah
- ... was getting to do it with my best friend ...
... Dave. And also ...
She didn't like that, did she? - No, she didn't
She's very protective of me. - Not a single bit.
I had a lot of time on the planes - Yeah
- ... and traveling time to think about things, to like contemplate big things in life
- Nine planes in twelve days - Ten planes
- It was nine - No, it was ten, we came home.
- Right. I'm gonna show you that ... How, how certain are you that it was ten planes? - One hundred percent
- A hundred percent? - Yeah
- Okay - Plane there
- Okay. Plane there. - To, to LA
- To Seattle - To Seattle
- To San Francisco - To San Francisco
- To Chicago - No ... Yeah, yeah
- Then to Toronto - To Toronto
- Back to Chicago - To Chicago
- To New York - New York
- To Miami - To Miami
- Home - No, we had two in Miami
- No, we didn't
- I think you missed one
Eyeballs, right?
Eye sockets, they live in it like a bed
And when you blink, it's like the duvet
And they're gonna sleep in their beds, and they pull the duvet over
So when we go to bed, they go to bed.
And how come I always get things in my eye, when eyelashes are there for a reason?
And eyebrows
What are eyebrows there for?
Apparently they're also for catching things.
- Really? - Yeah. Like, if something falls in your eye, you got double protection
What if it comes up from underneath? - I mean, what comes up, up from underneath?
- I don't know ... - Sharks?
But rain normally rains down, doesn't it?
- Did you just say sharks? - Yeah, because you're meant to lie at the bottom of the ocean, aren't they,
cuz they attack from beneath
Eyebrows and eyelashes do not protect you from the attacks of a shark - No!
I'm gonna have words with ... I see you at the end of all this.
I did tell this story at our pre-tour party in LA, but I'm gonna tell it again.
Basically, when we had our massages, obviously we were really ill. I had a lot of phlegm.
As you know, when you're lying on your stomach, you look through this little hole.
You put your head on this little thing, and there's a little hole, right?
- Yeah, can I say, those ... - You put your head through the hole!
- Those aren't comfy - They're not comfortable. I couldn't breathe. - It's like being reborn
- So basically, she put this thing ... First of all, I felt cocooned in my own sweat. It was horrid
Little did I know, things were happening here
So the time came when I had to get onto my back, and the lady was like,
"If you will just get onto your back?"
So I turned over, not knowing that the biggest snot string was,
was attached from my nose, and went through the hole, and I'm not even kidding, it must have been a foot long
I didn't know until I suffered from whiplash
because I turned onto ... - Did it go across your own face? - Rosie, I turned onto my back,
not only did it go across my own face, it must've ... This is the slow motion of what must have happened.
And she saw all of this. I went ...
And she said to me ... - Shall I say, some people would pay good money to do that to your face. - Ro ...
I didn't know what to do, so I just had to like, I just got it all
I just got it all, pocketed it, right? - Bleh
- And then she just looked at me, I ... It was dark, so I couldn't really see and my eyes are being closed,
so I was adjusting like this, and she went,
"Would you like a tissue?"
And I was like, "*sniff* Yeah that would be great"
- Can I ask you something? Was your masseuse Cammie Scott?
No. I wish it was!
Rose, d'you remember when we were in Miami,
me, you and Dave were having like a real serious conversation, right,
walking along, and then this really fit girl walked past, right?
And not only was she fit, but she was wearing a white crop top and no bra and I could see everything.
We were, we like all tried to carry on talking,
and Rose ... Like Dave was really respectful, and I was really respectful,
and Rose went, "Ah! Nearly had my eye out!"
And we were like ...
Rosie was walking along, and this girl, this group of girls, just ... were on bikes, first, - Mmm
- ... which I love. They were so, they looked so hot ... - They were fit babes - And they just stopped, and they were like,
What did they say? - She went, "Hey girl, you cute!"
- And I was like ... - I was like, Glowing!
Seriously, it was so nice!
I mean, she could've been talking to me
- She was talking to me - She could've been talking to both of us
- She was talking to me - She could've been talking to Dave
- I know. I know she loved my outfit. I clocked her clocking me
I've never had a girl say that to me - Yeah, you have
- No, I haven't
- "Hey girl, you cute"? - Yeah. I've never been in America, and have a, another girl ...
- You had that guy - ... be like, "Hey girl, you're cu ..." Yeah I had the guy
- He ... I mean, he could've, he could've been talking to me - Ugh, he was so awful.
- No he was talking to me, and he's go ... he goes,
"Whoa, you're just beautiful"
- No he said like, "You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen" or something - And I was like ...
And d'you know what's really embarrassing? I was with Dave, and I said to Dave,
"Dave, I know we're just friends, right?"
"But you could've been my boyfriend, and he would literally be disrespecting in front of your face"
He was like, "Didn't even think about that!" And I was like, "Yeah, well, I did, Dave. I did"
So do you not think that I'm your girlfriend and he disrespected me?
Oh yeah, mm hm
The frat house
The stories we've got to tell you guys - I hate Ally Hills
No, you don't - Yeah, I does
- You don't hate anyone - Yeah, I does
- You're just a little bit surprised that she was genuinely,
a little bit, a lot ... - I knew that from the beginning, that's why I hate her
That's why I bitched at her on Twitter, and then you made me apologise
... I didn't want to. - Yeah, I did make you apologise. You don't speak to people like that.
- I said to her, "I didn't want to say sorry. I only did it because Rose told me to."
If it did come out that Shannon had a diary, or Cammie had a diary, or Amy Ordman had a diary,
or any other human being had a diary written about how much they loved you,
and how much you helped them in the coming out process, and then wrote you a song,
I probably wouldn't be okay with that.
Not that I'm a jealous person, cuz I'm not - Shannon has written a diary, and Amy
- Shannon's got a soft spot for you. - I know
- And I've seen it many a time - So have I
- Probably because she told me once, if she was gonna fuck either one of us, it would be you.
- Really? - Yeah
- She said that? - Yeah
- Did she? - Yeah
I asked the question. Then I had to act like I was okay with the answer - That's what Shannon's ...
That's what Shannon's friend Vanessa said, as well
So, for those of you who didn't know, our Exposed tour ...
was excellent, but also for those of you who didn't know,
we had a segment within our tour called "Geography Test"
And at each place that we visited, we gave Rosie, uh, a genuine test on the location of where she was,
little, like, fun facts about each city, and - Like landmarks and stuff
- It went down really, really well, and I actually think that it should be, like, a segment within this channel
because your lack - no offence in any way - of knowledge was so shocking, yet so funny,
I think it has the potential to become something within its own right
- Like, a segment, okay
Okay! uh shuh uh shuh uh shuh uh shuh
The question is, have you retained any of the knowledge that you learned whilst on tour.
- Yeah - Let's see. Question one:
What state is Seattle in?
- Washington - Correct. What s ... province is Toronto in?
- Canada.
Would you trust me to drive you around when I can drive?
I could drive around in our car. Let's just get insured me on it.
- "Let's just get insured me on it"? - Yeah
- Do I trust you to drive me around? Let's see, you can't construct a sentence - Right. I paid for half of the car,
You're old enough and has been driving long enough to legally be my, like, car person
- That doesn't mean I've got nerves of steel
So guys, it's Halloween soon, right?
It's only just dawned on me that I have ginger hair,
so I could be a sexy, slutty Pennywise.
- And I'm gonna be Babadook. - I want you to be Babadook!
- I will be Babadook - And we'll be the lesbian version of Babadook
- I'd be a great Babadook - ... and Pennywise
- People will ship it. Please be Babadook. All you gotta do is like not brush your hair and wear, like, a bag.
And then I'll just wear, like, a clown uniform
- Maybe you should be Babadook - Oh please, let's be Babadook and ... Awwww
I also got dzindzer hairs
Okay, fine, let's do that. That'll be really fun - You look like Babadook. And you have to go,
Dook, dook, dook - Dook. Is that what he does? I can't remember.
Yeah, he did like, you have to see ... - Are you gonna feed me worms?
- Yeah
- No, I had worms when I was seventeen. I'm done with that.
I'm over that scene. I'm over it. - Had your fair share of worms.
Wait a second, I didn't have worms when I was seventeen. That was you!
What would lure you into a sewer with a clown?
- James McAvoy
- An original answer - And you can't have a go ... But I've gone off him again
- Oh really, why is that? Because he's gross?
- Yeah, because he posted three new instagram photos
Shall I show you the picture? - Yeah, go on, then. - Okay
- Do you want me to give you an honest answer? - His ... Also, I don't like his instagram name
- What is it, what is it? - It's jamesmcavoyrealdeal
That. - Ohhh.
- And then - "James McAvoy"
- He wasn't loving this bit ... - "real deal"
- "jamesmcavoyrealdeal"
- Rosie, he's lost some serious points.
Also, ewww
No offence
Yes, Rosie
- You don't have seven states in the north - You do ...
- You have seven states in the south - Rosie, think about it like this
We are England, we're an island. We're in the northern hemisphere
- Yeah? - Yeah, you can go down south, can't you?
- Yeah, cuz you got out of the northern heavensph ... heav ... heav ... heav ... heavensph ...
- Do not finish that sentence.
Alright guys, take care of yourself. We will see you next week.
Love to all, and good night.
Bye!