Hello! I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it, so you don't have to. Hey everybody, it's January! You know what that means!
Probably not, 'cause I just made it up! It's Nickelodeon Month!
[90s Nickelodeon theme]
Nickelodeooooon!
Nickelodeon, the first television network made for kids BY kids. Well, okay, not by kids.
That would be stupid, but certainly the first television network FOR kids.
This was a groundbreaking channel with a groundbreaking notion. And what did this groundbreaking creation give us?
Mostly British and Canadian shows.
But we didn't care! It was on all the time! That is, until evening when it was switched over to older adult shows on Nick at Nite.
But even those were so unplausible and ridiculous that we enjoyed them too. But, let's be honest, after a while
there's only so many reruns and syndicated shows that they could run, so Nickelodeon finally made the logical choice to produce their own material.
And what was the result?
Nicktoons, a series of cartoons made specifically for the Nickelodeon channel.
There were many of these cartoons, and they even continue the trademark name of Nicktoons even to this day.
But we were there when they first popped up and don't you forget it.
So, let's take a look at one of their finest, and certainly strangest of shows: Ren and Stimpy.
A lot of people have mixed feelings towards this cartoon and there's a good reason: It's friggin' insane!
Little made sense, and half the time the humor came from just how totally out of control and psychotic it was. And it kicked ASS!
Sure, it was gross and vulgar, but on the other hand...
It was GROSS and VULGAR! Kids love that kind of stuff, and this was one of the first cartoon shows to totally engross us in it.
I mean, no other cartoon looked or acted like this. It was something completely different.
So, how do I really describe what this show is like? Well, it stars a big dumb cat named Stimpy and angry Mexican Chihuahua named Ren.
Ren: "You sick little monkey!"
And the rest, in all honesty, is pretty much like talking to a kid on the ultimate of sugar highs.
Man: "Hey, kid! What do you want to see on TV?"
Kid: "I don't knoooow..."
Man: "Have some candy!"
*ding!*
Kid: "I want to see a dog and cat dancing around like Jell-o! Then I want to see them hit their butts together 'cause butts are funny!
"Then I want them to tell my grandmother to suck eggs!"
Stimpy: "I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs!"
Kid: "And then I want them to take a hammer and smash themselves on the head with it!"
[Laughs]
[Snores]
One of the biggest controversies about the show is whether or not Ren and Stimpy are gay, to which the creator of the show, John Kay, answered:
"I don't know, it's none of my business."
To be honest, I already talked about this show before on one of my countdowns, so I'm not going to go into too much detail.
But let's just say the show definitely knew how to capture the craziest side of our silliness.
So let's move on to Nickelodeon's other biggest hit [rugrats]. This was made in a more innocent time
We're crawling babies were funny men with purple hair was acceptable and keyboards synthesizers seem to rule the Earth
the show was pretty much about... babies...
And, that's it. It was pretty much just about babies.
[Announcer saying Adventure Ho!]
so they dealt with tough, nail-biting dilemmas like
"Can't the dog come with us," or, "do we need to take a nap?" or, "You want me to do
What on there!?" Chucky: They call it gettin'
potty-trained! Critic: actually this episode is, probably, one of the most fans as it talks about what all of the kids love to talk about,
shitting. Chucky: They're trying to make me use that instead of my diaper!
Phil: That can't happen
Dhil: Yea! How's that gonna fit in your pants!?
Critic: Oh, this is just too precious. Tommy: Maybe you could just stop pooping all together! Critic: and that's just gross.
Dhil: Maybe you could put alotta napkins in your pants, and use 'em like a diaper! Critic: That's even grosser.
Phil: Maybe you could poop in your room and not in your toy box! Critic: Okay, stop stop.
Look, weather you call it poopee or poop or whatever
It's still shit, you're talking about shit! knock it off, you're grossing me out!
[Gross pooping noise]
Chucky: Uh oh...
Critic: Oh, that's charming. Chucky: They can't make me
I'm gonna wear my diapers forever, and nobody is gonna stop me! Critic: Don't worry a kid when he gets be 80
you have to wear him again anyway.
Speaking of growing up,
I always imagine what these kids would look like when they eventually got older
I think everybody imagine that like Chucky would grow up to be Garth Tommy will grow up to be Paul giamatti
Twins would grow up to be john and Joan Cusac, because they already look alike,
And the always power-hungry Angelica? Well for some reason I always saw her as Hillary Clinton
I can't help it, it's just the first thing that popped in my head. Actually something I always noticed about these cartoons
Is that they always open in a strange way that is they usually do an extreme closeup of something and then eventually back off to
Show us what it is. That sounds fine and good, but what happens when the image almost looks pervert in like this one
Is it... two pigs humping?
Is it the inside of a woman's...?
What is that!
Oh, it's the inside of a dog's mouth panting
Duh!
Though the other kids are cute
I guess, the one kid that everyone seems to remember is angelica for being such a brat little bitch.
Angelica: You, little babies really make me laugh
Can i get on the phone? Huh huh huh huh-?
Don't you dummies know anything? Critic: Yeah, everyone remembers
How harsh she was but here's the thing,
She's so mean that she's actually kind of creepy. Don't believe me look what happens when I put her face over these disasters
[Satanic Laughing]
But not even Angela and all the negativity can prepare you for the scariest, ugliest,
Most horrifying creation that Nickelodeon studios has ever produced...
Doug...
Now perhaps some of you are wondering why I think so harshly of what appears to be a relatively harmless cartoon
well
Let's just say you knew someone with a very similar name, someone who grew up with that name all his life
It happened to be raised at the exact same time this show came out.
Do you think any jokes are funny remarks in connection with this show could possibly affect his life in any negative way? Do you?
DO YOU!?
[Rabid audience laughter and "Doug funny" jokes/teasing]
Whoa... excuse me, I uh... just having another one of my random psychotic episodes brought on by this very show
Luckily I didn't take anyone's life this time
but with that said
But with that said this was a pretty lame show
I mean the show was pretty much just about a kid who went to high school and
That's it. It was pretty much just about a kid who went to high school
[Confused announcer saying "Adventure... Ho?"
Doug or, Doug Funny if you want to know his full name has some very odd friends, like Mosquito Valentine, Bud Dink, his dog
Porkchop, and Patti Mayonnaise.
What is up with these names what you didn't have room for Johnny Pictureframe Larry Toiletpaper or Suzy Contraceptive?
Ugh. He spends most of his time going after patty mayonnaise because, well, she looks pretty and apparently that's all he needs
Doug: Patty Mayonnaise...
Doug 2: She's just as bland as I am.
Also, what is up with everybody's skin Color in the show? Did the town get infected by radioactive poisoning?
Blue dude: Yo man, let me take care of this!
Lesser Doug: I never liked them "blue people,"
On top of that, the music always sounds like it is literally
farting out its soundtrack. Just listen,
[Music sounds very wet and uncomfortable]
[Seriously this reminds me of the Rugrets clip]
We're gonna need a faster Tempo, Howard more pork and beans!
There's also this bully named Roger who constantly tries to make Doug's life a living hell.
Why? because all kids with leather jackets are just bullies now. Did you know that?
It's like an official law. He also travels around with his pet cat named Stinky, who probably lives up to his namesake
This show is so unrealistic
I mean
what kind of boy would travel around with a cat where leather covered his hair in gel obsess over his looks and
constantly co-actor a submissive boy, roughly his age- oh...
Think the best way to describe this show is that it's kind of like the early episodes of the simpsons
They're not funny not well animated and surround you in a world of awkward uncomfortableness, But whereas the Simpsons got funny, Doug
Just psychologically tortured me for a life. I mean uh...
Psychologically tortured anyone named Doug for life (hahaha.. ha)
[Incomprehensible Noise, maybe "Next show"?]
Rocko's Modern life
This show is kind of like ren & Stimpy except maybe a little bit more reserved and not quite as controversial
But I did capture a lot of the zaniness as the show's main character was a tiny Kangaroo with an australian accent, who, for some
reason has a gigantic
hole in his face
Must have been the battle of the boomerangs, koala bears and wallabies. You know the great war of the australian stereotypes
Where the dingoes go high into the night attacking the armies of shrimp on the Barbie?
But the ancient league of fosters bombed all the alligator Hunters, leaving nothing
But the Kangaroos and eucalyptus leaves to brave the darkness. Or, so I've heard.
Rocko also has a cast of interesting characters
Most notably a cow named Hefer, who is kind of like an inbred version of the starfish from Sponge Bob
Philip Turtle --All who looks like woody allen is just as slimy, and of course the Big-heads who I swear are just the Grinch's
Testicles if they sprouted legs and started complaining about everything.
Frog thing: Oh Ned, this mountain cabin sounds SO romantic!
Doug 2; Douglectric Dougaloo: You know I used to be a man,
But I thought my voice was too feminine so I changed. Rocko himself is a pretty normal and innocent character
But the adventures he embarks on certainly are not. For example,
There's one episode where Philbert is looking to practice dentistry on his friend
So he takes him to the academy of dentists where he performs in front of a stadium of people?
But that's not the weird part. He is then taught by a teacher who is a cat with a hook for a hand
but that's not the strange part. One of Rocco's teeth breaks loose grows seven stories high and starts attacking the City by destroying all the
buildings while Philbert tries to dress up like the tooth Fairy to stop him
But that's not the strange part, no the strange part is this: Talking Foot: hey kids. My name is goorden. Let's talk about-
[Critic yelling over foot loudly]
Critic: So, for as fucking weird as many of these jokes get sometimes they hit a little too close in
Familiarity. like tell me this bit sounds familiar at all. Philbert: I never really wanted to be a dentist anyway
I always wanted, to be a chimney Sweep. [I] didn't want to be a barber anyway. I wanted to be a lumberjack
leaping from Roof to
Oldtown High Rises leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia, and I'd sing
sing
sing sing
[I] mean, there's paint omage and others just plain ripping off and I [needed] these were balls of great comedians
Have to stop all right enough [is] enough. [this] is the final this is a very very last draw
Well at least we get some originality from the next show that popped up ah real monsters now. I have to admit
[I] was just starting to get out of the nickelodeon phase when the show came out, so I didn't watch much of it
But what I did was a pretty cool show all the monsters look creative than him really funny
Enjoyable personalities the story was about an academy of monsters whose job was to go out into the world scare the daylights out of people
Return back with a report of their partners gee would it be horrible as some other successful studio pawn that office their idea how much?
It so the lineup you have take is who kind of looked like the noise from the Domino's commercials?
Crowd who looks like how most people look after laser eye surgery just keeping it real people and don't bleed
Huh kind of looks like [beetlejuice] is dildo if he had one
I guess she's supposed to have some sort of accent
But God help me if I can tell you which one they've got to do something if humans are not afraid of him
Thank you fear of all monsters. [it's] like somebody said this character has an accent. Okay, what kind?
just an
accent
They all have to work for [their]
Intimidating boss known as the ground who ice where's the cartoon version of Tim curry from Rocky horror picture Show?
sweet Transvestite
On [this] show was good
But I always had the feeling that some of these jokes had a double meaning like listen to some of these lines and tell me
If they sound decent have you fucked good boy? Oh? Yeah? [oh] our mothers and fathers loves each other very much
[yeah], hey what hey what if you see a monster just saying
coochie-Coochie
All right, [Noah's] going to what you go around my monster. I just [supposed] to use two fingers
next character
All right, this is the last show. I'm gonna talk about because this is when I officially stop watching Nickelodeon
I actually never saw a single episode of this show
But I know a lot [of] people did so I decided to take a look at it from what I can gather
it's a show pretty much just about a kid in the Bronx and
That's it [it] pretty much [is] about a kid in the Bronx
It's a tough time where kids walk like they're a production of West side story girls repeatedly shout the word arnold for some strange reason
And an army of boys against an army of girls ultimately results in the boys very politely stepping out of their way
I'm high
There's a boy named Arnold who was blessed without the pressures of having a personality?
His best friend Gerald the one black person that every white person claims to know and then there's hell
Who's so tough that she actually names her fists? They're gonna have to answer to old betsy that's not so tough
I named my [fists] - this is Glenda and pancake [I]
know it doesn't seem very threatening, but when you look at the
Job if they had to deal with tough nail biting city drama then everybody in the Bronx has to deal with like
again
Even though Helga constantly makes fun of Arnold she secretly has a crush on him [that] quite literally drives her to madness. [oh]
Go [in] love you, and yet. I hate you [and] I love [you] hate you
you
Arnold we love him so much [sir] which [leads] either the heads of summer
Also, maybe it's because I don't watch the [show], but why does Arnold wear a plaid skirt?
[I] mean is it a kilt is it a jacket is he just an open transvestite
I mean Brooklyn that wouldn't surprise me but come on. How about a little clarification yeah well from Whatever reason
I guess the show didn't seem that bad from what I saw, but [sadly] I've reached my peak by this point
I had run older and Nickelodeon cartoons
No longer seemed entertaining it strange to think that for all the loud of bizarre shows I remember
Nickelodeon [Ag] had a lot of quiet and subtle shows as well
It was like the mood swings of children's programming. We loved it every last bit
nicktoons were different surreal and one-of-a-kind making it a very memorable part of our childhoods and
Trust me when I say I'm [not] really as bitter about the whole doug show as [eyelid] on
I mean, it didn't leave nearly as bad a mark as you amazing
Singing it's going back going back
I like to do this. I'm the nostalgic