The chalkboard gag in the intro to The Simpsons has become an iconic sight in TV comedy - and
over the years, Bart Simpson has written a whole heap of words on that chalkboard.
From controversial political statements to in-jokes to colorful innuendos,
these are Bart's most savage chalkboard jokes.
It's not easy being a teacher. Even putting aside the low pay and awful working conditions,
you've sometimes got to deal with students like Bart Simpson. After all,
Bart's penchant for stirring up trouble is the reason why he's perpetually writing
lines in the first place. Time and again, he's ruthlessly attacked the faculty of
Springfield Elementary School with smart-mouth remarks, devious pranks, and wisecracks.
Bart's teacher, Edna Krabappel, has especially suffered at Bart's hands - as seen in his rather
questionable remarks concerning her appearance in the intro for the episode "The Ziff Who Came
to Dinner." Other Bart chalkboard notes regarding Mrs. Krabappel include "I will not call my teacher
'Hot Cakes', "I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface," and "I will not hide the teacher's Prozac."
Bart has even remarked on Mrs. Krabappel's love life, such as when he was forced to admit that
"Teacher was not dumped - it was mutual" and "Over 40 & single is not funny." Ouch.
During The Simpsons' time on television, the show has become infamous for predicting the future.
It mocked the idea of using chemicals found in gym mats as hidden fillers in processed foods
all the way back in 1995 - which, grossly enough, turned out to be true in 2014.
Homer Simpson even got pretty close to guessing the weight of
the recently discovered Higgs boson particle in 1998's "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace."
But The Simpsons made one of its most notorious predictions to date in "Bart to
the Future," which originally aired in 2000. The episode takes place in the year 2030,
when Lisa has just become President of the United States and is facing
some economic difficulties thanks to the previous Commander in Chief.
"As you know, we've inherited quite a budget crunch from President Trump."
Shortly after Trump's election to the presidency, the show referenced its own
uncanny prediction with a chalkboard gag in which Bart writes "Being right sucks."
Many of Bart's chalkboard quotes are peppered with evocative innuendos and playful puns. He
apparently couldn't "stop talking about the twelve inch pianist" in "Marge Be Not Proud," and makes
a nod to Sir Mix-A-Lot when he notes "Sherri does not 'got back'" in "Wild Barts Can't Be Broken."
Among some of his more colorful innuendoes, you've got Bart vowing not to "hang donuts
on his person," promising not to "make fun of Cupid's dink," and acknowledging that
"Pork is not a verb." Bart also shares some of his rejected words of wisdom in "101 Mitigations,"
when he is seen writing "Chili fries do not go in like a lamb and out like a lion."
But things get taken to the next level during the opening sequence for the episode
"Pray Anything," in which Bart scribbles out "SpongeBob is not a contraceptive."
Gotta give the kid credit for creativity, don't you?
Bart certainly gets up to his fair share of shenanigans, and, if the show's chalkboard gags
are anything to go by, they don't all happen on screen. Over the years, some of Bart's prank-based
chalkboards have included "I will not yell 'Fire' in a crowded classroom," "I will not yell 'She's
dead' during roll call," and "The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with 'Hail Satan.'"
He apparently harassed a blind person by promising to "return the seeing-eye dog" in "Whacking Day,"
and vowed he wouldn't "put hot sauce in the CPR dummy" at the start of "Father Knows Worst."
Bart has also expressed a rather more worrying side to his classroom
antics - including writing "Five days is not too long to wait for a gun,"
"Non-flammable is not a challenge," and "Hooligan is not a profession."
One of Bart's most notable moments of chalkboard mischief hails from the episode
"D'oh Canada." Bart writes "Haw Haw!" on the blackboard,
then hits it, which rotates to reveal Nelson taped to the other side. Who's laughing now?
"Ha h-aw."
The writers on The Simpsons are no strangers to getting meta, and this is usually most noticeable
during the show's opening sequences - and, of course, the chalkboard gags. For example,
there's the time when Bart cut corners while writing "I will not cut corners" by only writing
the line out six times, and filling out the remaining lines with "ditto" quotation marks.
He also slyly remarks "This punishment is not boring and pointless" in "Kamp Krusty,"
and writes "I'm sorry I broke the blackboard" on a whiteboard in "Black-Eyed, Please."
In reference to how critics described South Park when it first aired, Bart writes "I'm not
Charlie Brown on acid" in "The Blunder Years." He also poked fun at The Simpsons itself by writing
"I will not celebrate meaningless milestones" when the show was airing its hundredth episode.
After Butterfinger canceled their Simpsons ad campaign because the brand had been the butt
of some of the show's jokes, Bart responded by writing "I will not bite the hand that feeds
me Butterfingers." Then, when The Simpsons hit the big screen and got their own movie in 2007,
Bart promised not to "illegally download this movie" in its intro.
He also joked that he "will never win an Emmy" in "Homer's Barbershop Quartet" - even though,
by that point, the show had already won nine.
Throughout 2020, the United States - and the rest of the world - faced
the first waves of the COVID-19 pandemic. Seemingly overnight,
countless people found themselves struggling to adapt to a new way of life.
In an attempt to stem the tide, many offices went virtual - and so did schools. Parents
everywhere suddenly found themselves trying to help their children navigate
online classrooms and curricula. And, from the looks of it,
not even The Simpsons were immune to the chaos of the coronavirus pandemic.
As a way to honor these drastic changes,
The Simpsons modified its chalkboard gag for an episode that aired on April 19th,
2020. During the intro to "The Incredible Lightness of Being a Baby," Bart's classroom
is empty, and a single line on the board reads "School online" - a poignant nod to
the dramatic events that would have resonated with students, parents, and teachers everywhere.
Ralph Wiggum is one of The Simpsons' stranger, and most endearing, characters. Sure, he's a perfectly
sweet little boy, but he's also incredibly odd and about as brainless as you can get.
"That's where I saw the leprechaun!"
"Right, a leprechaun." "He told me to burn things."
"Uh… huh."
Of course, Bart is well aware of Ralph's many quirks,
and is constantly teasing him for it - even during the show's chalkboard gags.
In the intro to "Fear of Flying," Bart writes "Ralph won't 'morph' if you squeeze him hard
enough" - a reference to the color-morphing stress balls that were popular at the time
the show aired. One of Bart's more savage notes concerning his odd classmate can be
seen in "Apocalypse Cow," in which he writes, "A person's a person, no matter how Ralph."
Class pets are a fun way to reinforce the lessons they're taught in school, as well as help students
experience the responsibility of taking care of a small life. In fact, studies have also shown that
pets in the classroom have positive impacts on student behavior, enhanced social interaction,
and student attitudes. Not that you'd know it, looking at Bart. Those poor, poor hamsters.
There have been a handful of class hamsters featured on The Simpsons over the years,
including Nibbles, the hamster who bravely helped save those trapped inside the school in "Skinner's
Sense of Snow," and even made it to space and back in "She of Little Faith." Regardless of their
heroism, however, Bart has relentlessly mocked his class hamsters during the show's chalkboard gags.
During the intro to "Homer the Whopper," Bart writes "The class hamster isn't just sleeping,"
and in "Day of the Jackanapes," he notes, "The hamster did not have a "full life."
Yikes. Get in that ball and run for the hills, little hamster.
"Godspeed Nibbles. Godspeed… Nuts."
Being a parent is a massive blessing, but it can also be incredibly frustrating,
and having a kid like Bart must make it even harder to exercise discipline. Still,
that doesn't exactly excuse Homer's particular approach to parenting - that is,
strangling Bart whenever he loses his patience.
Luckily, this is just a cartoon, which generally makes Homer's strangulations more humorous than
horrific. Still, this is one aspect of the show that hasn't aged too well over the last
30 years, and even though it's set in the context of the show's off-the-wall humor,
it can still be a tough pill to swallow. And this problem is eloquently touched upon during
the chalkboard gag for "Frink Gets Testy," in which Homer can be seen writing "Strangling
is not an effective parenting tool" as a smug Bart watches on.
During the show's time on television, The Simpsons has stirred up plenty of controversy surrounding
religion. One obvious example of this is Ned Flanders, who is a constant target for jokes about
Christianity. But one of the more subtle ways the show has poked fun at religion over various
episodes is through the use of Bart's chalkboard quotes. In the intro to "The Burns and the Bees,"
Bart writes, "Jesus is not mad his birthday is on Christmas," and in "Realty Bites," he notes,
"There was no Roman god named 'Fartacus'." But one of his darkest and funniest remarks comes
during the intro to "Dark Knight Court," in which Bart writes, "Jesus' last words were not 'TGIF'."
In a world like The Simpsons, mothers are the cornerstones
of their households - and that goes doubly for Marge Simpson.
"Mom, you're always trying to give me potatoes. What is it with you?"
"I just think they're neat."
But even though Marge loves Bart unconditionally, he can definitely
make things difficult at times. Just take his attitude to Mother's Day, for example.
Over the years, Bart has lambasted that particular holiday by writing things such as "Today is not
Mothra's Day," "Eating my vegetables is not a Mother's Day present," and "Dirty clothes
are not a Mother's Day gift." In the intro to "Homer Scissorhands," he even writes,
"I do not deserve a Mother's Day gift for being 'one badass mother.'" But hey,
maybe it's not all that bad. During the intro to "Ned'N'Edna's Blend," in
one of his more lucid moments, Bart writes "Call your mother during the commercials."
During the 25th season of The Simpsons, executive producer Al Jean dropped a
massive bombshell on fans - that in the near future, they'd be killing off a major character.
The writers had initially planned for the death to take place later that season,
but in the end they had to delay it until the show's 26th season.
This delay only stirred the public's interest that much more, and for months,
Simpsons fans were left in a state of deep suspense. Furious speculation and rumors
circulated across the internet over who exactly the unlucky soul would be.
Many suspected Krusty the Clown as being the doomed character - but when the episode "Clown
in the Dumps" finally did air, it turned out his father, Rabbi Hyman Krustofsky,
was the long-hinted character who would ultimately pass away. Playing up to fans' speculation about
the long-awaited episode, the show opens with an equally memorable chalkboard gag. In his
typical ruthless fashion, Bart writes "Spoiler Alert: Unfortunately, my dad doesn't die."
Another major Simpsons character who passed away on the show is Bart's teacher, Edna Krabappel.
During season 25, the actor who voiced the character, Marcia Wallace, passed away.
As a humble way of paying respect to Wallace's memory, Bart's normally savage
tone was tamed for the chalkboard gag opening the episode following Wallace's passing.
In "Four Regrettings and a Funeral," a solemn-looking Bart
writes just one line on the chalkboard: "We'll really miss you, Mrs. K."
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