IT'S TIME TO PLAY SCANDAL IN THE WIND.
SCANDAL IN THE WIND.
JON WAS MAKING FUN OF BERNIE SANDERS AT THE COMMERCIAL
BREAK.
>> GIVE ME ALL THE POINTS.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S FAIR, JUST BECAUSE I GARGLE WITH
MILK DUDS, TO MAKE FUN OF MY VOICE.
AND SINCE YOU BROUGHT UP THE POINTS I DO WANT TO POINT
OUT I'M BEHIND ON THE SCORE NATIONALLY BUT IN NEW
HAMPSHIRE AND IOWA I AM AHEAD ON POINTS.
AND THAT'S BECAUSE OF YOU.
>> Chris: THAT'S GOOD.
YOU HAVE GOOD POINTS.
MOVING ON, SINCE THE ADVENT OF PHOTOGRAPHY POLITICIANS
HAVE BEEN GETTING CAUGHT IN SCANDALOUS SITUATIONS
LIKE THIS SHAMEFUL PHOTO OF MARTIN VAN BUREN.
HE HAD GLAUCOMA, DON'T JUDGE.
BUT BY TALKING YOUR WAY OUT OF TROUBLE-- WHAT ARE YOU-- WAIT
BERNIE, COME HERE A SECOND, BERNIE, COME HERE.
BERNIE SANDERS.
>> HOLD ON, FOLKS.
I THINK, THERE IS A RESEMBLANCE HERE.
>>WHOA.
>>WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
I DON'T SEE IT.
>> Chris: ARE YOU-- (APPLAUSE)
ARE YOU-- WAIT A MINUTE.
>> I HAVE JUST ENOUGH HAIR AND I'M ALSO EXACTLY BALD
ENOUGH TO BE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
(APPLAUSE) >> Chris: TALKING YOUR WAY
OUT OF TROUBLE IS A POLITICAL TRADITION.
SO WE HAD OUR @MIDNIGHT PAPARAZZI CATCH A FEW
CANDIDATES IN COMPROMISING POSITIONS AND OUR PANEL WILL
DO THEIR DAMAGE CONTROL. FOR 250 POINTS PUT A POSITIVE
SPIN ON THESE RATHER SALACIOUS PICTURES.
HEATHER, WE WILL START WITH YOU.
YOU WILL BE HILLARY CLINTON'S SPIN DOCTOR HERE.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT YOUR CANDIDATE?
>> ALL RIGHT, AS HILLARY'S PR HERE I WANT TO SAY THE
TATTOO WASN'T FINISHED. IT IS SUPPOSED TO SAY
"NICKELBACK RULES: RULE #1, NO NICKELBACK."
>> OKAY.
SO IT WAS JUST NOT DONE YET.
>> YEAH, NOT DONE.
>> Chris: OKAY, POINTS.
BUT HILLARY DIDN'T STOP WITH GETTING INK, SHE ALSO WAS --
THERE.
>> OKAY, OKAY.
>> Chris: EXACTLY.
HOW DO YOU GET OUT OF THIS ONE?
>> WELL, TO BE FAIR, PUTIN WANTED BAREBACK AND SHE
TALKED HIM DOWN TO HORSEBACK.
>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.
WELL DONE, HEATHER ANNE CAMPBELL. YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY
NAVIGATED A LOT OF SCANDALS FOR HILLARY
CLINTON.
JON DALY, YOU WILL BE TAKING THE ROLE OF SPIN DOCTOR ON
BEHALF OF DONALD TRUMP. GOOD [BLEEP] LUCK.
LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN EXPLAIN WHAT MR. TRUMP WAS UP TO
HERE, JON DALY, HUH?
WAIT, WHAT DO YOU SAY ABOUT THAT?
>> THIS LOOKS BAD BUT AS WE'VE COVERED, MR. TRUMP HAS HAD
TROUBLE WITH HIS BUSINESSES.
AND ACTUALLY IN THIS HE WAS JUST LOOKING FOR A CHEAP WAY
TO DEMOLISH TWO CASINOS.
>> Chris: NO!
>> OH YEAH.
>> WOW.
>> Chris: BERNIE SANDERS YOU ARE UP NEXT.
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU WERE CAUGHT DOING.
WHAT'S THIS BUSINESS?
WHAT IS THAT?
HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN WHAT'S HAPPENING
AND HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS?
>> THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH SHARING A BATHTUB WITH
GUY FIERI.
TWO MEN BATHING TOGETHER IS THE RESPONSIBLE THING TO DO
IN THE MIDDLE OF A WATER CRISIS.
>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.
>> AND THAT IS ORGANIC VERMONT SYRUP THAT WE'RE
DRINKING.
>> Chris: OH YOU'RE DOING SYRUP SHOTS, ALL RIGHT.
NEXT ONE, NEXT ONE.
WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE, BERNIE SANDERS?
>> LOOK, I AM PROUD OF THAT.
I DON'T HIDE THAT FROM MY RECORD.
I'M PROUD OF THAT BECAUSE I THINK THAT ALL WORKERS
DESERVE A LIVING WAGE.
I FOUGHT FOR THAT.
AND ALSO WOMEN DESERVE EQUAL PAY WITH MEN!
AND ALSO IF YOU SIMPLY TALK IN THIS CADENCE AND POINT
YOUR FINGER IN A CERTAIN WAY YOU WILL FORCE AN AUDIENCE
TO APPLAUD AT A CERTAIN PERIOD OF TIME.
>> Chris: HE'S REALLY GOOD.