﻿How To Show RESPECT To Other Men (Without Putting Yourself Down!)
[0:00:00] [Music]
So, the other day, I’m out running going for a nice jog. We’ve got these trails back
behind my house that go deep into the woods, right up next to public land.
Now, here I am on this trail and I come up behind three guys with rifles. Now, as we’re entering
fall hunting season just around the corner, this really isn't anything out of the ordinary.
That being said, I didn't want to come up and surprise these guys especially since
they were carrying loaded weapons. So, in typical Marine Corps fashion,
I just shouted out, “Gentlemen, by your leave.” Now, unless you've served in the Marine Corps
or the navy, you probably have no idea what that even means. By your leave is just simply
an old-fashioned way of letting somebody know that you're coming up behind them and
they should be wary, they should watch out. A more informal way of saying this is simply
gangway. Now, those guys probably had no idea exactly what I said,
but they got what I meant. They picked up my tone, they greeted me nicely, and I didn't get shot.
And that got me thinking, how do you acknowledge other men, how do you show respect to another man
without making yourself look bad? First up, be honest. Speak straight tell people
what's on your mind in particular other guys. Thing with men is that we oftentimes just mean
what we say and we say what we mean. Unless, you don't, those times you don't when you're
trying to beat around the bush, you're trying to watch out for somebody else's feelings.
Here's the deal is that guys want to be straight up with each other. Have you ever had friends -- I
remember getting in fights with people, not really bad fights, but it was something that you'd push
people around. You would have a little bit of a physical confrontation and all of a sudden,
you're drinking beer, hanging out with that guy because you got it out there.
Men appreciate it when you're straight up with them. Even if it's going to hurt their feelings,
they want to hear the truth. Now with that being said,
publicly praise and privately critique. If you're going to tell somebody the truth,
they don't want to hear they don't want to be embarrassed in front of everybody. So, if you're
going to say something negative, then maybe take the person aside. Again, be straight with them
be honest get to the point, but don't you know make it so that they have to put on a show.
That's one of the problems with all these debates with, you know, politicians. They -- they have
to speak because they know that everybody's watching. I'm all about transparency, but I'm
also about people not having to put on a show. So, whenever you're going to praise somebody,
you're going to say great things about them. Do that in front of everybody. But,
if you're going to critique, if you're going to have something negative, then say it, again,
behind closed doors or at least try to keep the audience to a minimum.
Another thing you want to avoid doing, don't put words in somebody else's mouth. Actually, I mean,
listen, but don't say, “Oh, you said this,” because oftentimes, they didn't say it or if
they said that, they said it in a certain phrase and you're taking something out of context.
People hate it. They get very defensive especially men whenever they get repeated
back to them something they said, but not in -- what not the way they meant it. It's painful and
it's hurt and put you on the defensive and you're not going to be able to show another man respect
if you're trying to put words in his mouth. Now, a great way to show respect is to pay
attention to what the person is saying. So many times we're listening, but we're not listening.
We are just waiting for our turn to speak. We want to jump in there and sound smart.
How about you actually take a step back and listen to what that person is saying? So,
you could repeat it back. In fact, don't be afraid to say, “Oh, yeah. This is a great
point.” And that's a good way to show that you are actually listening to this other man, that
you ask questions. You ask him to go into more detail about a particular thing that he said.
Now, the opposite of this is trying to multitask, checking your phone, texting
somebody while you're listening to somebody. You're not listening to them, you're, again,
you're doing multiple things. You're not really doing any of them well. Give people your full
attention, don't pull off that phone. In fact, if you're going to have a meaningful conversation,
perhaps turn off the phone. Next up, stop saying maybe. We say maybe
because we don't want to hurt people's feelings. We don't want to say no, but here's the thing.
Make no your default answer. In fact, 19 out of 20 times, you should probably be saying no
to opportunities especially as you become busier as you become more successful.
Anyone that has kids know what I’m talking about. You just have to
start saying no to things because you've got to be there for the people that are important.
You're saying no to plenty of good opportunities and that frees you up to be able to say yes
to amazing opportunities when they come up. Now, another way to show respect is to actually
expand on why you're telling somebody no. And this is someone if you've spent a bit of time with
them, they've given you that pitch for 30 minutes about why they want you to join their startup,
about why they want you to come work with their company, about you know why they want you to join
whatever it is that they're doing. You want to say no to it, give them the reason why.
I often tell people, “Hey, I got four kids, I've got three businesses, and I have a
wife. I want to spend time with them.” That's what's important. When you've got young kids,
you have to make this a priority. Because if you don't put barriers if you don't put boundaries
on what is acceptable and what is not, people are going to walk right past it.
So, make sure that you've got those boundaries up there and when people push,
let them know straight up this is my priority. People understand, at least the right people do.
[0:04:54] Another way you can show respect
to other men is when they tell you something confidential. When it's in confidence, if they
haven't given you permission to pass around this information, then don't pass it around. You've
heard the saying, loose lips sink ships. Well, loose lips also ruin friendships,
they ruin business partnerships. In fact, I have to admit that I was let go of a job,
part of it was I think I had loose lips. I didn't -- I didn't see an issue with
talking about certain things that they saw as private. Don't be a blabber mouth. When people
talk to you in confidence, keep it confident. Now, this one is really powerful and so few guys
actually do this. If you see another guy doing something that you're impressed with that you
think is awesome that you think is really good, let them know you're proud of them.
Now, this works out really well if it's a younger man, you're a little bit older of a guy.
But you could even tell, there is no age constraint and this applies -- everything
I'm talking about here by the way, also applies to women. And this can be women
showing men respect, men showing women respect. But, the point here is when you see somebody
doing something awesome, let them know that you're proud of them. That they are -- you're proud that
that's your father, you're proud that that's your friend, you're proud to work with that person.
What does it cost you? And it gives them -- it just makes somebody, “Wow! They're proud of me.”
Because you just don't hear it very often. So, be very liberal with throwing out the word proud
if you see it. Be someone that gives compliments that says nice things
encouraging things to other people because believe me not enough people hear it.
And, when you become that kind of person, believe me, it's going to make its way back to you
and your -- people are just going to enjoy. They're going to want to be around somebody
who makes them feel good about themselves. Another thing you need to do to show respect
is to greet somebody. Greet a man especially when he shows up at a new location,
they're in the office, comes over to your house. I have parties at my house, not so much anymore.
But when we did that, it was something that was very important to greet everyone
that arrives and to make them feel at home. How many times have you looked around at an
event or had something at work and somebody just looks out of place? They're the new person, greet
people, shake their hand. And if you're going over to see somebody you're visiting their home, you
don't really know anyone, then introduce yourself. This is important that you greet and meet.
It seems like an archaic rule, but it's there for a reason. It makes people feel comfortable.
Now, this next way to show respect is pretty rare nowadays, but that is to carry a challenge coin
and give it to a person that deserves your respect.
Back in ’03, I picked this one up when serving under a guy named, [Mathis?]. Just last year, I
got this one handed to me by my old XO, who's now over at Marine Corps Recruiting Depot San Diego.
And, I still carry ones like this. Whenever I run into somebody,
maybe their father was a marine their dad was a marine, they start telling me these stories and
I hand them this coin and it makes their day. And, of course, I've continued this tradition
here at Real Men Real Style by rewarding people that leave me great comments and share this video
with the men and women out there who could use it, I will I'll get you a coin or at
least I'll choose a few winners down below. So, what video to watch next? Do you like
challenge coins? You want to check out this secret video right here. So, this video is unlisted and
I'm talking about my new fragrance that's coming out and I will tell you it's coming with a
challenge coin. It's a very interesting concept. So, if you're interested in my fragrances coming
out, you're interested in challenge coins, you're interested in the psychology of smell,
you're going to love what I'm doing right here. [0:08:15] End of audio