Hey everybody.
It's finally Friday.
And I'm doing this video a little bit early.
And I'm sorry for many of you,
Who I know try to get questions in at a certain particular time.
But I'm not a train.
I don't work on a schedule.
I'm all over the place.
I'm willy nilly.
So today, because I'm working in the morning,
Then I had a short break.
And I have another couple of clients.
And then I'm finished.
And we have to head to the airport.
Like, straight out the gate.
So I wanted to get this video up and shared.
So that all of you can watch it,
And do it before I, you know, on the plane and I can't do anything.
So, it's Friday.
And I'm on facebook.
And if any of you are wondering what song I'm singing,
Look up 'It's finally Friday',
It's a country song.
Because I love country music.
It's finally Friday.
And I have three questions.
As well as a journal topic from Annika S.
Thank you so much for that.
So lets get started.
First question,
'Can I ask my question here for facebook Friday?'
And the answer is yes.
If you ask your questions below the video that I posted from the day before,
So Thursday.
So twitter Thursdays.
Then yes you can ask your questions there.
'Hey Kati, I have a lot of mental health problems,'
'Which is just getting ignored by every therapist I have ever had.'
'I found a new therapist, but she is $200 an hour.'
'And I am wondering if it is really worth it.'
'I dropped out of university, I am struggling really bad right now.'
'And $200 is my whole pay check.'
'I also need skills training apparently and other things that will cost more.'
'I have PTSD, MDD, and BPD.'
If you are wondering what any of those acronyms are,
I have videos about all of them.
'Is the cost of treatment really going to be worth it?
Now I wanted to talk about this,
Because I know that I talked about getting help when funds are low.
But I thought that this was really interesting,
Because when we find help that's finally working,
And we finally feel like we are getting better.
How much money is too much money?
Now, there are a couple of things.
The one thing that I would always caution people against.
And I take this advice myself, when I see my own therapist.
Is, if the cost of treatment is going to cause you extra stress.
And worry.
And concern.
And potentially cause you just more issues on the side.
Then it's not worth it.
Because we are actually,
We might be helping one thing.
But we are creating a whole other problem.
And I have had people tell me that they have gone into debt to get treatment.
And all sorts of stuff.
And then we come out and we have all of these other issues to deal with.
And I really don't feel that it's necessary for people to set themselves up like that.
So that when you get out, you're stressed out.
Because you have to pay back these loans, or bills, or whatever.
So that's my first thought.
The second thought is,
If things are terribly terribly shitty.
And everyone seems to be horrible.
Because, for every good therapist.
I feel like there are like three bad ones.
And that's not a knock on my profession.
That's just the fact that some people aren't in it for the right reasons,
I don't think.
And it, you know, isn't good.
It's not helpful.
So if you find someone that finally works.
And you really like.
Ask them if they will work on a sliding scale.
That's perfectly normal.
It's fine to ask.
Someone who charges $200 an hour is probably used to hearing that.
And not all of their clients pay $200.
Trust me.
Even though I don't even charge that much,
I have people at different levels.
We don't always lower our fee.
We don't have to.
There's no, nothing that forces us to.
But if you're really finally getting help and it's prohibitive,
The cost is prohibitive.
Then we will consider lowering it.
Another thing that we can do.
Is we can ask that therapist who they recommend.
That maybe is a little bit cheaper.
Trust me.
Good therapists run in circles together.
We know each other.
We like each other.
We spend time together.
We go to the same meet and greets.
We're in supervision groups.
Or peer supervision groups together.
And so we usually know who's good.
I mean, I off the top of my head,
I have like five people that I would refer someone to, you know,
And then I would have to think about who would be cheaper.
But we have that information.
So a lot of it is just asking.
And just being honest about where we're at.
Because if this is helping you.
Then it's worth it.
But if it's going to cause a financial burden later,
Then it might not be worth it.
And so I would consider all of your options.
I would talk to your therapist.
I would be open about it.
You can talk about money.
I know that it seems weird.
And some people are really funny about money.
But we have to be honest about it.
Because if it's going to cause issues for us,
They need to know.
Okay.
And if any of you have experience with this,
Ways that you have verbalised that really helped.
Can you let us know below,
So that we can help one another.
Okay.
Question number two,
'I'm wondering if emotional eating and intuitive eating are oppositional.'
'Is it normal that the eating behaviour is influenced by mood.'
'Or should we try to avoid it if we're intuitively eating?'
'What about the holidays?'
'Celebrating is often also expressed by food and eating. Emotional eating?'
'Or do we celebrate by eating food of other kinds,'
'And quality instead of raising the amount?'
I thought this was a good question.
And I know a lot of us are stressed about the holidays.
And eating.
And food.
And what are we doing.
And mental health.
And family.
And ehh, it's soo much, right.
And it can be really overwhelming.
So lets go by this one step at a time.
So if emotional eating and intuitive eating are oppositional.
Yes.
If we are eating intuitively,
That means that we're listening to what our body asks for.
And we are giving it what it asks for.
And we're stopping when it tells us it's had enough.
And we're not eating fast.
We're not eating ridiculously slow.
We're enjoying the food.
We're tasking the food.
Emotional eating is when we feel a certain way,
And we eat because of how we feel.
Have you seen that weight watchers commercial lately?
Which, I have to admit, it's funny.
And I'm not a big fan of, you know, that kind of stuff.
But it always happens around the holidays.
But it's like,
'If you're happy and you know it, eat a snack.'
'If you're sad and you know it, eat a snack.'
And that's really what emotional eating is.
We feel a certain way,
And we eat as a way to cope or deal with those feelings.
So I want you to kind of see the difference.
Feelings, emotional feelings,
Have no relationship to what our body needs and asks for.
We're talking, we're separating these two things,
Head and body.
Okay.
Now, the best way to manage this,
Because I know for many of us, that's really difficult.
And we're like,
'But I don't know, because then I think this way,'
'And if I see this commercial and I smell that food,'
'I feel hungry. Even though I know I'm not hungry.'
'But my mind tells me I'm hungry, but my body tells me I'm not.'
'I don't know, maybe.'
It can be really hard to like separate it.
It's like, wow.
My head just exploded.
Right.
So the best way,
And if any of you have any other tips, let us know.
But the best way that I have my clients manage this,
Is to check in in two ways.
Number one,
Emotional.
Rate your emotionality, or emotionalness,
On a scale of one to ten.
One being, I have no emotion I feel nothing.
Like I just woke up in the morning and I am like,
Nothing.
Ten being like,
I can't deal with myself.
My emotions are running wild.
I feel like every time I breathe, I'm breathing out emotion.
Okay.
So I want you to rate it in there.
Think of like a six as like a healthy normal amount of feeling.
Especially with the holidays going on.
Maybe a seven.
But I want you to pay attention to how you're emotionally feeling.
And then, after you do that.
I want you to rate your hunger-fullness.
And the intuitive eating workbook,
If any of you have it.
Has a great description for each of those numbers.
I don't have time to go over all of them right now.
But think of like six is, 'I could still eat a little more.'
Seven is, 'I'm comfortably full.'
Eight is, 'I've had one bite too many.'
So keep that in mind.
Now I want you to rate both of those.
And I want you to write these down.
I want you to keep track of them.
Even if it's in your phone in your notes or something.
And notice how your emotionality effects your hunger-fullness.
And if you see a relation.
Or a correlation between them.
And that's one of the easiest ways.
The checking in emotionally can really help us notice,
If we're a nine and then we got ourselves to a ten in fullness,
Those two might be correlated.
Or if we're a nine emotional.
And we kept ourselves at like a five where we're really hungry,
That might be related.
So that would be what I would do to manage that.
And to pay attention to that.
Now she said,
'Do we celebrate by eating food of other kinds and quality,'
'Instead of raising the amount?'
And I say, Yes.
I want you to watch my, 'Ways to Stay Mindful During the Holidays',
And I talk about actually enjoying the food.
We get certain foods this time of year that we don't always get.
I want you to spend some time just actually savouring it.
Not getting a huge heaping plate.
I would encourage you,
For those who struggle with binge eating.
To notice how much other people are taking.
If you don't have family that's full of binge eaters.
Some of us do.
So take one scoop of each thing,
Try them.
See what you like more of.
If you finish that one item and you check in with yourself.
You take a minute.
And you're still hungry.
You go back and get the items that you really liked.
But get only another little scoop.
And we just have to play it by ear.
And take our time.
It's when we rush and when we don't check in with ourselves,
That we find ourselves mindlessly eating or emotionally eating.
Okay.
I hope that helps.
I know it's really hard.
And I'm trying to make this video quick.
And it's hard to squeeze it all in.
Okay, question number three,
'Kati, how do I make peace with my past?'
'How do I basically forgive and forget people,'
'Who have hurt, betrayed, and put me down?'
'Including parents, relatives, friends.'
'I'm holding on to a lot.'
Now I have talked in my video,
Wow I don't know, a month ago,
About, I think it was forgiveness and acceptance.
Yes.
Look this up, if you have not watched it.
I talk about how anger and forgiveness can co-exist.
You can be angry because someone is terrible, and they have done terrible things to you.
But forgiveness means that you, yourself let go, and you live.
Because the only thing that holding on to something,
The only person that holding onto stuff hurts,
Is us.
Is yourself.
It's not the person that hurt you.
They don't even know you're holding onto it.
And so,
The best way to let go of it,
Is to process through it.
Talk it out.
Talk it out with friends.
Talk it out with a therapist would be the best option.
Because then you can get some unpartial advice,
And insight into what's going on with you.
And it really helps to just be able to bounce ideas off someone and talk it out.
I would journal.
I would talk to friends.
I would even talk to family members,
The ones that might not be involved.
And just talk it out.
Talk it out until you feel like you have an understanding of what was happening.
Why it happened.
How you felt.
And what you're going to do about it now.
And how you're feeling now.
And we have to come to terms ourselves,
With what's happened and how we're going to proceed.
This is all up to you.
This has nothing to do with the person that hurt you.
Or had betrayed you.
You have to decide what you want to do moving forward.
And I think processing through and talking it out really gives us that option,
And that time that we need to make that decision.
And decide how we want to proceed.
Okay.
I know it's hard.
And it takes time.
Give yourself patience.
Hurt can be really hard to get over and move past.
But remember,
Anger and forgiveness can co-exist.
They are not mutually exclusive.
You don't have to love the person and be so happy for them for everything.
You could be angry and like forgive them.
So that you can live your life.
And check out my video about forgiveness and acceptance.
I think it will really help.
Now journal topic today,
Like I said from Annika.
Is, 'You can't have a better tomorrow. If you don't stop thinking about yesterday.'
'This is my recovery quote from depression and bulimia,'
'Because I think that once in a while we should,'
'Try to realise that no matter how bad the day has been,'
'We have a new chance every day to make the best out of it.'
'We are not trapped in the thoughts forever.'
'Don't know if that's a real journal topic, but more like a little inspiration.'
And I think it's both.
So write down that quote.
Think about what it means to you.
What have you been holding onto?
What should you let go of?
And how are we going to move forward to a better tomorrow?
I love you all.
Have a wonderful weekend.
This week I will be on vacation.
I am flying out tonight to Washington State to visit my family.
And so I will be doing those inspirational videos.
They may not come every day.
I will do my best to put them out every, you know,
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.
But Thursday is Christmas.
So I may skip that day.
I'm just letting you know ahead of time.
But I will be here.
I will be posting videos.
I love you all.
And I will see you on Tuesday.
Bye.
Subtitles by the Amara.org community