SCOTT KELLY MAY HAVE MISSED A LOT OF THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE SO
FAR, BUT THERE IS PLENTY MORE FOR HIM TO CATCH UP ON BECAUSE
IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS, FIVE MORE STATES WILL WEIGH IN
ON THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION: MICHIGAN, OHIO, LOUISIANA,
NEBRASKA AND FLORIDA.
IN FLORIDA, THEY WILL CAST THEIR VOTES THE TRADITIONAL WAY, BY
VOTING FOR WHOEVER LOOKS MORE LIKE THEIR GRANDSON.
(LAUGHTER) BUT EVEN THEN, WE STILL WON'T
EVEN BE HALFWAY THROUGH THE PRIMARY PROCESS.
WHICH MEANS THIS IS THE ROAD TO THE WHITE HOUSE!
♪ >> I JUST WANT A JOB!
JUST GET ME A JOB!
♪ >> Stephen: WELL, HE MIGHT GET
ONE BECAUSE DONALD TRUMP'S BIG WIN ON SUPER
TUESDAY HAS MADE IT CLEAR THAT HE IS THE LIKELY NOMINEE OF THE
REPUBLICAN PARTY, AND THAT HAS SENT THE REPUBLICAN
ESTABLISHMENT INTO A PANIC.
THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH THIS GUY, BUT THE VOTERS ARE CHOOSING
THIS.
IT'S LIKE AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE.
AND UNLIKE TRUMP'S OTHER MARRIAGES, THIS ONE COULD LAST
EIGHT YEARS.
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)
THEY HAVE WOKEN UP IN BED WITH THIS GUY, BUT THEY'RE NOT TAKING
IT LYING DOWN!
(LAUGHTER) FOR INSTANCE, IF TRUMP IS THE
NOMINEE, REPUBLICAN SENATE MAJORITY LEADER MITCH MCCONNELL
VOWS THAT HIS COLLEAGUES WILL "DROP HIM LIKE A HOT ROCK."
WHICH IS A HUGE SACRIFICE FOR SOMEONE WHO IS PART TORTOISE.
THAT'S HIS FAVORITE BASKING SPOT!
RIGHT THERE!
AND, TODAY, IN A DESPERATE BID TO STOP TRUMP FROM GETTING THE
NOMINATION, THEY TRIED A NEW APPROACH OF A VERY OLD APPROACH.
>> HERE'S WHAT I KNOW: DONALD TRUMP IS A PHONY, A FRAUD.
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S RIGHT.
FACED WITH A MONSTER, THE G.O.P.
HAD ONLY ONE CHOICE.
>> "RELEASE THE ROMNEY!" (LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE) >> STEPHEN: YES, THEY BROKE THE
SEAL ON MITT'S HYPERBARIC DIGNITY CHAMBER, AND HE BROUGHT
THE PAIN.
>> NOW, I'M FAR FROM THE FIRST TO CONCLUDE THAT DONALD TRUMP
LACKS THE TEMPERAMENT TO BE PRESIDENT.
YOU SAY WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, ISN'T HE A HUGE BUSINESS SUCCESS?
DOESN'T HE KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT?
NO, HE ISN'T AND, NO, HE DOESN'T.
WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO TRUMP AIRLINES?
HOW ABOUT TRUMP UNIVERSITY?
AND THEN THERE'S TRUMP MAGAZINE.
AND TRUMP VODKA, AND TRUMP STEAKS, AND TRUMP MORTGAGE.
A BUSINESS GENIUS, HE IS NOT.
>> STEPHEN: TRUE.
TRUMP HAS PUT HIS NAME ON SOME TERRIBLE INVESTMENTS.
FOR EXAMPLE, FOUR YEARS AGO, HE ENDORSED MITT ROMNEY!
(APPLAUSE) ALL IN ALL, A VERY POWERFUL
STATEMENT FROM A MEMBER OF THE REPUBLICAN ESTABLISHMENT.
LET'S SEE HOW TRUMP'S SUPPORTERS RESPONDED.
( ROARS ) >> STEPHEN: OH, THAT'S RIGHT,
MITT.
THEY WANT TO FEAST ON YOUR FLESH.
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN ROMNEY DOESN'T HAVE A ROUGH AND TUMBLE
PLAN TO SAVE THE PARTY.
HE KNOWS THERE'S A WAY TO STOP TRUMP FROM GETTING THE NUMBER OF
DELEGATES HE NEEDS AT THE CONVENTION.
>> I BELIEVE WE CAN NOMINATE A PERSON WHO CAN WIN THE GENERAL
ELECTION AND WHO WILL REPRESENT THE VALUES AND POLICIES OF
CONSERVATISM.
GIVEN THE CURRENT DELEGATE SELECTION PROCESS, THAT MEANS
THAT I'D VOTE FOR MARCO RUBIO IN FLORIDA AND FOR JOHN KASICH IN
OHIO, AND FOR TED CRUZ OR WHICHEVER ONE OF THE OTHER TWO
CONTENDERS HAS THE BEST CHANCE TO BEATING MR. TRUMP IN A GIVEN
STATE.
>> STEPHEN: WHAT AN INSPIRING MESSAGE FOR THE WORLD'S
GREATEST DEMOCRACY: DON'T VOTE FOR WHO YOU THINK SHOULD BE
PRESIDENT, VOTE FOR WHICHEVER CANDIDATE IN YOUR STATE HAS THE
BEST CHANCE OF KEEPING TRUMP FROM GETTING DELEGATES.
IT'S A SYSTEM OFTEN EMPLOYED BY BROS IN BARS THAT RHYMES WITH
"CLOCK BLOCK."
(LAUGHTER) AND I KNOW THERE'S AN ANGRY
REPUBLICAN BASE OUT THERE, BUT THIS GUY SAYS IT IS THE ONLY WAY
TO SAVE DEMOCRACY FROM THE VOTERS.
AFTER YOU VOTE, MAYBE YOU WILL GET A STICKER THAT SAYS, "I DID
WHAT MITT ROMNEY TOLD ME TO."
(LAUGHTER) THIS GAME OF GANGING UP AGAINST
THE POPULAR GUY WHO'S WINNING, THAT'S NOT DEMOCRACY.
THAT'S A REALITY SHOW STRATEGY.
AND THAT IS TRUMP'S HOME TURF.
YOU HONESTLY THINK YOU ARE GOING TO BE BETTER AT THIS THAN HIM?
IT'S LIKE SAYING, "YOU KNOW THE WAY TO FIX OUR GREAT WHITE SHARK
PROBLEM IS, GET IN THE WATER WITH HIM.
BUT FIRST LET ME PUT ON MY LUCKY HAM."
TRUMP IS NOT RUNNING A POLITICAL -- THAT'S THE HAM.
(LAUGHTER) TRUMP IS NOT RUNNING A POLITICAL
CAMPAIGN.
HE'S A REALITY SHOW CONTESTANT WHO'S ESTABLISHED HIMSELF AS A
VILLAIN TO POLARIZE THE AUDIENCE, THEN DO WHATEVER IT
TAKES TO MAKE IT TO THE FINAL TRIBAL COUNCIL TO GET THE ROSE
THAT LETS HIM HAVE SEX WITH THE TOP CHEF.
(APPLAUSE) THEN YOU GET TO NAME A SUPREME
COURT JUSTICE IN THE FANTASY SUITE.
(LAUGHTER) BUT LET'S JUST SAY FOR A MINUTE
THIS PLAN TO STOP TRUMP WORKS.
WHO THEN COULD THE REPUBLICANS RUN FOR PRESIDENT?
THE GUYS WHO LOST?
THAT DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT.
NO, YOU NEED SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN LEGITIMATELY CHOSEN BY
REPUBLICAN VOTERS.
HOLD ON A MINUTE!
MITT, WHY DIDN'T YOU THINK OF THIS?
MITT, I DON'T KNOW IF THIS HAS OCCURRED TO YOU, BUT YOU FIT
THAT DESCRIPTION!
OH, DO IT, MITT.
DON'T THINK ABOUT IT, JUST GATHER UP THE GANG, THE FAMILY,
GATHER UP TAGG AND BLITT AND GUFF AND TUPP, STRAP THE DOG TO
THE CAR AND HEAD TO THE CONVENTION.
I'M READY.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I'VE STILL GOT ALL KINDS OF
STUFF FROM 2012.
I'VE STILL GOT MY GANGNAM STYLE CD, MY LINSANITY SHIRT AND MY
OFFICIAL PORTRAIT OF MITT ROMNEY ON THIS JUST FOR MEN BOX.
COLOR: DRESSAGE HORSE.