- Hey y'all, welcome to a very special This Is Alabama
Bless Your Rank of Golden Flake Potato Chips.
This going to be a delicious but wild ride.
(upbeat banjo music)
My name is Matt, by the way.
Me and Golden Flake go way back.
It was the potato chip of my school growing up,
we had, you know, snack time at school
and 50 cents would get you, like, a honeybun
or a bag of Golden Flake.
Is it not also the chip that Bear Bryant ate?
What I'm looking for in a Golden Flake potato chip,
well, number one is obviously like all Bless Your Ranks,
They gotta taste good.
'Cause it's food and that's how food works.
Unless it's, I dunno, a vitamin or medicine.
But then in a way Golden Flake is medicine for your soul.
Number two, for me in a potato chip, crispiness,
like, there has to be just the right amount.
You know, you don't want it to be too thin
where it's like, paper thin and it just, like,
kind of, one crunch forces the whole chip to just shatter.
Does that make any sense?
Maybe I am too rough on potato chips.
I just don't want it to be so firm that it, like,
you've gotta really bite down hard to, you know,
like those kettle chips or something.
You know? Those aren't good.
You're basically eating wood chips.
I think three, snack-ability.
'Cause they are a snack, a potato chip that you can have
just one or two bites of is not a good tater chip.
I think my ability to absolutely destroy a whole bag
without really mean to,
that's it, that's how you know you got a good snack
and not like rice cakes.
Competitor number one!
Ah, dadgummit.
It's Dill Pickle.
Kinda of glad we're getting this out of the way
'cause I don't want to end on this note.
Have a snack that'll make you smile.
I guarantee you it will not make me smile.
You know, if a pickle accidentally makes it onto my burger
and I take a bite of it and it's a pickle bite?
Guess what? I taste nothing but pickle.
It overpowers everything else.
It's terrible, it's the jerk of the food world.
And if you like pickles,
it tells me a lot about you.
I don't even like the smell of them, it's just kinda...
(packet crinkling)
I mean, they look alright.
I mean, they're a little unassuming,
like, you just look at a Dill Pickle chip.
This doesn't seem terrible to me
but I know what I'm about to get myself into
and I don't really want to do it. (sighs)
Here we go.
(chip crunching)
This is the first time I've ever even a Dill Pickle chip.
In my life.
And actually, I don't hate it.
I don't taste a whole lot of Dill Pickle on them.
Let me deep dive in here.
I can feel there's some seasoning on this one.
That was more pickle.
Pretty good!
This is really good!
I've missed out on so much,
I've never had Dill Pickle chips before
in my whole life.
I'm 34 years old
and I just didn't like the smell so didn't...
There's been so many opportunities
where I could've had Dill Pickle chips
where people offered me Dill Pickle chips
and I said, "Please, you are a disgusting beast
get that away from me."
Dill Pickle people,
I apologize for everything that I said,
that was so long ago.
It's a crispy chip,
it's salty and it's got that pickle tang to it
but it's not overwhelming.
That's a very high snack-ability.
I mean, you saw me, I cannot control myself.
I've got to stop my hand from going back in the bag.
This is how you start off a Bless Your Rank.
First place Dill Pickle chips.
Man, I don't know what's going on with me.
Competitor number two!
Oh, Original!
You've all been there,
okay, you go to a conference
and they're like, "lunch will be provided."
and you're like, "Oh man
I really hope you're bringing some pizzas,
you're catering some kind of, like, Mexican
or, like, pasta deal."
No, no, no, no, no, no.
You know what I mean.
You just go in there and there's a table
that's full of styrofoam boxes
and you're like, "Oh, this is sandwiches,
chips and a pickle."
And then it's a little bitty bag
of Original Golden Flake chips.
And you're like, "We couldn't even, you know,
spend a little bit more to get the barbecue?"
But I ate that whole bag and I want more.
You know?
Original, you don't ask for it
but it's there for you when you need it.
That's a real friend.
Here's some.
It's hugging me back.
(packet crinkling)
Good size, good potatoes here.
Good job Golden Flake!
(chip crunching)
See, I would not have grabbed these.
If you gave me all the options, I walk into the store
and say, "Matt, you got to pick one."
I would never get Original.
But it was so good!
The crunch is perfect.
The size is a good size chips.
They're almost strong enough
to use them in the best way possible,
which is a container of Barbers French Onion Dip.
You know what I'm about.
You ever just like, "What's for supper tonight?"
Bag of chips and a container of French Onion Dip.
Taste: just the perfect amount of saltiness.
Crunch is perfect.
Snack-ability, it's all there, it's a total package.
It's better than Dill Pickle, I'm going to say yes.
Based on the possibilities of like,
this is perfect for a dip.
Where as the table?
Would you put Dill Pickle in the French Onion Dip?
I would not. I would not try that.
First place.
Ahead of Dill Pickle.
Competitor number three!
Oh, Cheddar and Sour Cream, what's up?
Well, I'm gonna go ahead and tell you right now
on the dangerous scale, this is an 11.
There is no bag of tater chip flavors more dangerous
to me than Cheddar and Sour Cream.
This is going to be top-notch chip today,
I can go ahead and tell you right now
unless there's, like, a snake in this bag
and even then I'm like, "Are you covered
in Cheddar and Sour Cream dust?
'Cause I might lick ya!"
(packet crinkling)
Look at that, look at that!
That's a flavor chunk right there,
(beeps softly) flavor chunk.
(chip crunching)
What is there to say?
Except this is how chips were meant to be made.
This is perfection.
Shut the cameras off, let me eat.
There's no way you could eat just 20 of these chips.
I'm on my, what, three?
And I'm not slowing down at all.
And then you get these little things and I will admit
you know, at times in my life I'm not happy about,
that I have bit my finger.
I get a little too excited
about the flavor dust on my finger.
Cheddar and Sour Cream
is one of the greatest combinations of all time.
This is the greatest Alabama combination of all time.
I mean, we think about greatest Alabama combos ever,
like Bryant and Denny.
St. Paul and his Broken Bones.
Highway 280 and cussing.
This is it.
I think there's no doubt about it,
Cheddar and Sour Cream Golden Flake chips
are the greatest chips ever known to mankind.
We can go ahead, just shut the camera off now.
I don't think they're gonna to be beat
even though I have no idea what's in the bag.
These are number one.
Competitor number four!
All right, we're going to go for-
Whoa!
Sweet Southern Jalapeno!
I didn't even know these were a chip!
Southern favorites, batch 23.
I don't know what that means.
I love jalapeno, I love spicy things.
I love spicy chips.
Are we ready?
When's the last time that I tried a new Golden Flake flavor?
1997 was the year,
that was a pop quiz.
That's exactly when it happened.
I got a good feeling about this one.
(chip crunching)
That's kind of a let-down.
There's not hardly any jalapeno, I want this to be spicy.
I mean it's sweet, I guess it's not,
but we should have a little bit of a kick.
A very pathetic kick.
Like getting kicked by a toddler.
But not a strong toddler.
You know, this is pretty underwhelming.
That is missing something.
This should be like jalapeno and cheddar chips.
I mean, I'm just not crazy about them by themselves.
Oh, there we go, fourth place.
Bag number five!
(bags rustling)
Oh, I can't tell you the last time
I actually had one of these chips, you know?
'Cause unfortunately we parted ways,
you know, somewhere around 1994.
You know, like slap bracelets.
Or that Tamagotchi that I killed.
Also to this seems unnecessary
'cause, like, this is also the go-to dip.
So do you want a Sour Cream and Onion chip
going in a sour cream and onion dip?
Too much of anything can be a bad thing.
Let me get big boy right there.
There she is!
Here we go.
(chip crunching)
These have some flavor on them.
And they're not overwhelming.
And I like the dip style.
You know the flavor is good
when it leaves it on your fingers.
And we got some on the fingies right here.
You know, at a decent amount.
So you're not like, Dorito fingers.
That permanently changes the color of your skin.
I don't know about the dangerousness
of eating this whole thing.
You know, I'm not quite satisfied with it.
It's like a field trip to Montgomery.
Sorry.
They're so okay that I can't even think of like,
a way to describe it to you.
And maybe it's because I've just kinda
burned out on the flavor as a kid
'cause this was my go-to for so long.
I think it's better than Dill Pickle chips,
but I'm not going to give it the bump
ahead of Original chips.
They're safe for now.
It's in third place.
I'm sorry.
I feel like I've betrayed an old friend.
I'll still be your friend on Facebook.
You know?
I'll like your post every now and then.
And then you go on some kind of rant, you know?
Albeit, you know, political or sports or who knows what.
I might hide you or snooze you for a little while,
but I won't unfriend you.
I'm still there for you.
Competitor number six?
Yes.
Two plus three is five, plus one more is six.
What's that one more?
Mesquite Barbecue! (growling)
But these get me fired up.
When I see this bag sitting somewhere,
like, again I go back to the potato chip
at a lunch meeting or whatever, they provide you the chips.
When I see, like, some of the options are Mesquite Barbecue,
you've elevated.
You've taken it to a whole nother level.
The sandwiches may still be the same
sad ham cheese sandwiches,
but if you fill in some barbecue chips as an option
you've kicked it up a notch.
Let's get you in a little Alabama summer mood.
You start feeling the mosquito bites on you
and they ain't even around you.
Ice in your sweet tea melted immediately.
(packet crinkling)
The thing about the barbecue flavoring on this chip
is that I know which ones are going to be good.
I'm going to go straight for the best one,
this puppy is covered up.
Lookie there, that's taken a bath
in some barbecue sprinkles.
The ole barbecue fairy just seasoned this one
and moved onto the next.
She's a real thing.
When you want more barbecue
what you do is you take your rib bones
from the ribs you had the night before
and you put them under your pillow at night
and the barbecue fairy,
she comes up out of the pit smoker
and she sprinkles some of her magic Mesquite Barbecue,
it's the same thing that Golden Flake uses,
and then you wake up in the morning
there's some big ole saucy ribs underneath the pillow.
Barbecue fairy is real, look it up.
Actually don't, I don't know what's going to happen
on Google if you Google barbecue fairies.
Let's go.
It's the sweet barbecue for me.
I don't want anything with this
except a slice of white bread for some reason.
(chip crunching)
Okay, so the dangerousness of this,
I just zoned out, just wanted to eat chips now,
is really high.
I'm talking Cheddar Sour Cream dangerous level.
We have a show down here.
Flavor at the top.
And I would say tied neck and neck.
Crispness, it's the same styled chip.
Dangerousness of the whole bag?
Very, very dangerous.
I don't think though
that it's more dangerous than Cheddar and Sour Cream.
I mean, there is a connection here and it is palpable.
I see it, you see it, you see it.
This is second place.
(bags rustling)
Competitor number seven.
Sweet Heat Barbecue.
You grow up on Golden Flake,
you start here okay?
Then you start to adventure with flavors,
you get a little bit older,
you might dabble in the Sour Cream and Onion,
you might go a different path with the Dill Pickle.
Then you land somewhere over here maybe
with the Mesquite Barbecue
and the Cheddar Sour Cream.
But all paths, all Golden Flake paths
will eventually lead to Sweet Heat .
This is how you've achieved greatness
in the tater chip world.
This flavor right here?
No one else is even trying it.
This I don't know anybody else doing this
and I don't even know how to really
describe the flavor to you.
It is a barbecue
but it has got a little bit of the sweetness of Mesquite
but also some heat coming in there too
that's not overwhelming.
It warms, it's a warm heat.
We need more words to describe things.
I see one chip right here that is going to be the one.
'Cause it is loaded with flavor.
Today was your lucky day, buddy.
There it is.
We're going through the whole range of emotions
You hit the crunch of a potato chip,
then you get immediately that sweet
barbecue flavor
then comes the heat.
It's a smooth finish, smooth ride out from there.
And there's so much, like, flavor and stuff here,
I don't want anything else with it.
It's the perfect potato chip.
If you're a person who enjoys flavors, this is your chip.
It's one of Alabama's greatest gifts to the world.
This is it. Sweet Heat Barbecue chip.
I don't think I'm going to mess with anything else
but I do think
that Sweet Heat is in front of Cheddar and Sour Cream.
And I feel like there's a good bit
of distance between these two.
I feel like these are neck and neck
but I feel like Sweet Heat is just ahead of them.
It's the best of both worlds just, you know,
mashed together whether you like it or not.
And I love it!
So Golden Flake, here's what I would be doing.
Stop this, either add Cheddar and Sour Cream to it
or make it disappear.
And then find other things
that you can add Sweet Heat flavoring to.
Have we tried Sweet Heat ice cream?
Give Blue Bell a call?
I think what we've learned today
is that what we've known all along.
That Golden Flake is the best potato chip out there.
We get out of this pandemic and we go back to conferences,
the last thing I want to see
is a cold ham and cheese sandwich
and a bag of Original chips.
Splurge, just spend some more money on this.
Thank you.
(packet crinkling)
(upbeat music)
(chips rattling)