Hey guys welcome back, thanks for joining me for another video so in this week's video
I wanted to go over love bombing and the reason why I wanted to make this video was I think it's really important to
educate yourself on
The phases of a relationship, and there's a difference between
Love bombing and what that is when we are in the beginning of a healthy normal relationship
and we're going through that honeymoon phase when everything is amazing and when we're actually with someone who is highly manipulative and
Narcissistic so I want you to understand the difference between the two now if you are new to my channel welcome
My name is Stephanie
I'm a life and relationship coach if you are a subscriber
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So we've all been in relationships where the first few months of the relationship is absolutely amazing
We're saying the nicest things to each other. You know we're so affectionate with each other. We make time for each other
We're just putting our best foot forward. We're showing the best possible version of ourselves
To the person that we're seeing and so this is that honeymoon phase
Where we're doing all the right things for saying all the right things
We haven't fully fully exposed ourselves yet to who we really are you know we're eating very properly
We're not probably ordering something off the menu that we really want to we just haven't
You know shown our true selves yet to this person and we're doing that over time by
Allowing that person to show them bits and pieces who of who they are and we're doing the same in return
So this is the honeymoon phase when everything is amazing
Everything's romantic and these grand gestures and the sex is great and everyone's just having a great time
Technically a honeymoon phase is kind of a love bombing phase because we are putting our best foot forward
You are I think Chris Rock says it and like one of his stand-up shows like you're meeting the person's representative
You're meeting the best possible version of the person you're seeing every single time you hang out with them, or you're with them
So this technically is love bonding
This is not really the most authentic person that you're gonna meet
You know this isn't your true self that's coming out you guys haven't experienced a lot of things in life
For you to be vulnerable or for you to be stressed or sad or frustrated
Or you know excited or needing help and all of those things that make us human
We haven't really shown each other both sides of ourselves, so
The love the honeymoon phase in the beginning of any relationship is technically a love bombing phase as well
so love bombing really is just showering each other with affection and
Gifts and talking about the future and love at first sight and just all of those emotions that come up
You know this is my prince charming
This is the woman of my dreams
like all of those things that is the love bombing phase like this is the part of every relationship where
We're basically running on this infatuation with this other person. It's not real. Love yet
It's just infatuation based off of these kind of superficial things that are happening in the beginning of the relationship
so like I said that is a normal part of every relationship in the very beginning is absolutely amazing when you're dealing with someone who's
Narcissistic not only isn't amazing, but it's on another level of amazing, so there's real grand gestures
You know there's poems that are written. There's a dozen flowers that are constantly being sent to you
You know this person is really rushing the relationship really fast, so you're gonna hear
I love you really really soon in at the beginning of this relationship when you're dealing with someone who is narcissistic or highly manipulative
now the reason for all of this is when you're dealing with someone who's narcissistic or
highly manipulative the love-bombing phase never dies
It really lasts for quite a while actually because what they're doing is they're really grooming you to get that narcissistic
Supply from you
So they really want to hook you in they want you to feel
Like this person the narcissist is your soul mate
So they know probably a lot about you, and they know where your they know what you want to hear
They know what you want to see they know how they should be behaving in order for you to
Basically fall in love with this fake character that they're playing now with a healthy relationship
when we're in that honeymoon phase
Eventually that phase you know it fizzles
So maybe you know and that's because life actually starts to happen in this relationship meaning
You know we are now
Hanging out after work, and you're seeing me after I've had a tough day at work
And how do we respond to each other you know when a family member passes away we experience those things together?
When we're going through a difficult time when we're going through great times
We just start showing
That real our true self to our partner so the honeymoon phase while of course you can always you know
Rekindle the spark and you can always make a real effort
Every single day to keep your relationship on a great track where you know you're really attracted to your partner
And you're making time for each other and you're scheduling regular date nights and all of those things
Life is just going to happen, and it's not gonna always be sunshine and roses every single day which that and that's just reality
Whereas with a narcissist?
Like I said that honeymoon phase that love bombing phase lasts a really really long time and again
They're doing it to just groom the victim
They're getting they're doing it's just basically hook you in whereas over here in a healthy relationship. We're doing it because
We're all a little insecure when we first start dating or and we're so
Infatuated with each other that we haven't really
Exposed who we really are and what we're vulnerable to and where our wounds are and all of those other things
we haven't really talked about our past and how that made us feel and and gone through all the
Experiences that we have gone through and life together
So we haven't really started the mature aspect of a relationship
that friendship in a relationship where we're sharing and we're communicating and
Compromising and all of those other healthy things that you have to do in order for a relationship
To work and in order for it to be a healthy relationship
So as the honeymoon phase and a healthy relationship attends to you know fizzle out a little bit we start incorporating
more of those healthy behaviors
Into that relationship the communication and the compromising and things of that sort
Whereas with the narcissist or a highly manipulative person?
There is a motive for everything that they're doing so when a narcissist is
Love-bombing the only reason why they're doing this is because they have an agenda now a narcissist is basically someone who is highly highly
Manipulative, and so they know what to do they know what to say they know how to behave in order to get what they want
from you, so
if you are not playing by their rules if you're not giving them what it is that they're seeking whether it's
narcissistic supply whether it's
admiration whether it's thinking that they walk on water whether it's
Overlooking you know anything that they're doing and not holding them accountable or holding them responsible for their own actions
Again the narcissist wants to see that perfect mirror
They want to see
that false image of
themselves that they're trying to portray to the world they want to see that in you and if you're not gonna mirror that back
Then that's when the love-bombing stops
And the devaluing starts to happen
Which is basically where all of the abuse really happened now once that abuse starts to happen once
The you know guilt and the shame and the gaslighting in the projection and and maybe physical abuse a lot
Of emotional abuse a lot of verbal abuse once all of this stuff
Maybe even sexual abuse once this stuff starts to happen
that's basically your punishment for not giving the narcissist what they want and not giving the emotionally abusive or
Highly manipulative person what they wanted so they're giving you backlash?
And if you take that backlash on and you know and you think okay, it's me I did something wrong
I'm so sorry, and you kind of come back
You know this is when the cycle kind of just keeps going and going and going now if you basically pull away
And you say okay, no, I didn't do anything wrong and we're good here
So I'm gonna leave this relationship now very likely the narcissist or or abusive person is going to come back to you
And they're gonna start that love bombing all over again
So here's that abusive cycle of you know I'm things are gonna get better here come the dozen roses
I'm so sorry. You know or if there's something that the narcissus wants from you that they know normally you would say no to
They're gonna do grand gestures, and they're gonna confess their love and maybe during that week before they ask for that favor
They're really affectionate and you're having sex all the time, and they mean the point to have a really romantic
You know date night with you. There's always an agenda to what they're doing nothing they do is ever
genuine and coming from a loving place
which is I'm just trying to give love and not necessarily mean anything in return and
even if you're not in a
Narcissistic way abusive relationships a lot of relationships are like that nowadays. They're just very very codependent where I?
Need to get something from you in order for me to feel better
You know the point of relationships
And love really is to give love and when you give love you actually end up getting love in return
And I think a lot of couples have friction in their relationship
Because you know there's so much resentment because they're not getting what they need out of the relationship
instead of being the partner that each person's should be
Individually and giving love and giving attention and making your partner priority by giving all of that
You don't realize that you're actually gonna get everything that you want in return the problem is in these
Narcissistically abusive relationships when that cycle is happening when that back-and-forth is happening when that love bombing is happening
You know are you taking on all of that so when that love bombing is happening?
Are you that insecure?
That you need this person to be the white knight
Or you need this woman to be the woman of your gym of your dreams the point of healthy relationships
Is to come to the table completely filled up where whatever that person gives?
That's all great stuff, but you're already giving all of that stuff to yourself
And when you have internal wounds that aren't healed which is I'm not lovable which is I'm codependent which is
I'm a people pleaser, which is I'm insecure and you have all of those stories playing
Someone is abusive is very easily going to be able to love bomb you because you're empty and you're looking for that
Person to fill you up so by them
love bombing you and doing all these grand gestures and saying all these things and promise you and promising you the world and and
All of this and you getting caught up in all of the emotion of the relationship
You're not able to logically think is this person right for me
And so often so many people that's kind of where they get tripped up
They allow their own. Especially women they allow their emotions to take over and
overlook red flags to
overlook whether or not that woman or man is projecting a fantasy on to someone else who's
Not playing the character that you want, so if you don't know what you want in a relationship
Or if you do know and you're so insecure and you start getting abuse you're gonna project well
You know it was really great in the beginning
So it'll come back or you're gonna project what you want in a partner on
Someone who is not that person and I think that's where a lot of people
In the early phases of dating get like I said tripped up and end up making
Really bad choices on partners is they're not dating in a healthy way so when we're dating in a healthy way
We're allowing ourselves to of course emotionally get somewhat invested in a relationship
But we won't let it get too far because when we when you let it get too far
That's when all logic goes out the window because love is blind so when we're dating we just want to basically
Slowly get to know someone we want to be in the moment and let our emotions of course take over
But we want to never lose that logical side of ourselves
That says is this person really right for me, and is this person
Consistently showing me who they say that they are and that's something that's so important when you're dating and when you're in these relationships
Is if you notice that you're in the cycle with this narcissist or this abusive?
Person you know what is it gonna take for you to get out of that cycle
You know and it really comes down to you healing whatever's going on inside
That's causing you to stay stuck in these Beus of relationships
That's why you'll always hear that line when people show you who they are believe them
Because it's not what a person says to you
It's the actions that they take each and every day and love is a choice
love is of course a feeling but to love someone is a choice every day to wake up and
Through good times and bad you choose to love this person you choose to stay with this person and you choose to always
Consistently be working on your relationship
Because relationships are work. They shouldn't be a lot of hard work
They should be work that you want to put in and it's just like your job. It's just like your children
It's just like yourself you take the time
To love yourself to take care of yourself and do the things that fill you up and make you happy you take the time to
Spend quality time with your children because it's a priority because it's important to you because you want to nurture that relationship
It's the same thing you do it with your job
You know you spend all this time working eight twelve hours a day, whatever
It is to nurture this job and to earn more money
And whatever it is that you're trying to achieve in life and the same goes for your relationships
So when people say well a relationship shouldn't be work. Yeah, it shouldn't be
Strenuous work where you guys are constantly fighting?
and you don't show the same interest or values and the
Communication is off and there are just some people that just don't click together and that's totally fine
But a relationship is always going to be work because you have to choose every day to make your relationship a priority
And when you're in a relationship with someone who's narcissistic all of these love bombing
Techniques and things that they do
You know showering of affection early on and saying I love you so quickly and all of these grand gestures
And you know promising you the world, and oh you're my soul mate. Just very early on in the relationship
Those are red flags, and that's not someone who's coming from a healthy whole place
So I hope that that has helped you understand
what love bombing is and basically how it starts in the beginning of the relationship and
Even throughout a relationship with a narcissist it comes and goes and love-bombing comes and goes
Ultimately when the narcissist wants something from you so they're not getting something from you whether that's attention you know
narcissistic supply
admiration
Anything they're going to use love-bombing to get that from you
They basically want to lure you back in into that abusive cycle
So it can start all over again the difference between that and a healthy relationship is just that sweet honeymoon phase or a relationship that
Eventually will kind of simmer and that's when the real mature
Friendship love actually comes into play so if you're not seeing
That and you're just constantly saying this cycle happen
You know you're in an emotionally abusive or unhealthy
Relationship because any relationship that is healthy and is good for you is not gonna have that cycle. It's not gonna have that back-and-forth
So again, I hope that that has helped you guys if any of you guys are interested in one-on-one coaching
I've been getting a lot of requests for that
I will link all of that stuff down below if you're interested in following me on social media
Or I will link that down below as well
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