Welcome back to the Gentleman's Gazette!
In today's video we discuss how to dress up when others don't and I'll share with you
my seven tips on how to deal with people who question you about the way you dress.
If you like classic style then wanting to dress up when others don't happens to you
all the time.
Recently the viewer Amir left a comment on our video Things I Get the Most Compliments
On.
Raphael, I've been upgrading my style.
I used to wear graphic tees, ripped jeans and sneakers and now I wear untucked casual
button-ups, dark wash jeans or chinos and chukka boots.
However I still don't feel satisfied with my current style.
The thing is that people around here never dress up.
Is there anything wrong with dressing up all the time even to the most casual of occasions?
I'm really scared of this step.
Amir, I can totally sympathize with you.
You want to dress up and put your best foot forward yet there are others who question
your motives maybe think you're better than them and it may even be vocal towards you
about it.
I'm often the most dressed up person in a room and it inevitably will catch some attention.
People ask me what the occasion is and I just say it's Tuesday simply because that's the
way I like to dress.
Recently my wife and I went out for dinner in a new hip restaurant in town and of course
we wear nice clothes.
So the waiter asked, "Oh where are you headed?" and we just said, "Here!"
And she was really surprised because otherwise people just don't dress up as much just to
go out for dinner.
Dressing up will always make you stand out and it really pays to know how to deal with
the positive aspects as well as the negative ones.
If you haven't already done so I suggest you watch the 101 Things That Change When You
Dress Up because we cover mostly positive things but also some negative ones.
The paradox on style is that many people care about it for different reasons.
Usually it falls within a spectrum of people dressing for themselves or people dressing
purely for others.
In any case clothes and accessories are something you wear directly in your body and because
of that it immediately becomes part of your visual identity.
So to start you should ask yourself, "Am I dressing for myself or do I dress to impress
others?"
Being inappropriately attired can be a form of disrespect or it can be seen as a cry for
attention.
At the same time dressing to fit in can mean that you're indifferent about your outward
appearance or that you simply want to be invisible among a group of many.
Here is my approach to this.
If you want to dress up - Do it, enjoy it and own it!
There's really nothing wrong with it and I've been doing it for over 20 years and the benefits
far outweigh the negatives.
Yes, there will always be someone who has to say something negative about you or the
way you dress but you just have to deal with it.
Some of them may feel threatened when they judge you or they elevate themselves above
you and think they're superior to you.
Just look at YouTube comments for example.
No matter what I or anyone else produces there will always be someone who has something really
negative to say about your approach and how you do it.
At the same time they don't go out and produce a better video they just criticize you.
Rather than being impacted by the haters I focus on the comments of the people with constructive
criticism, questions or simple observations so we can do videos like this.
So all this may be easier said than done.
Now here are the 7 tips I use specifically to deal with issues that arise from dressing
well in everyday situations.
One, whenever you dress appropriateness is a very important consideration.
For example at a wedding you never want to out dress the bride and the groom because
it's their day.
At the same time if you go to a funeral a burgundy or red flannel suit will simply detract
from the event and it would be inappropriate.
When there's a dress code indicated such as cocktail attire you should not wear black
tie because that would be obviously overdressed.
To learn more about specific dress codes and what they mean so you can dress appropriately
please check out this video here.
Two, if there isn't a dress code consider how much flexibility there is.
For example when you're in a plane you see people wearing sweatpants or a suit so whatever
you feel comfortable with works.
On the other hand, if you're in a business meeting and you're not the boss the dress
code can be pretty much stipulated without being written down.
In that case consider the company culture.
There's nothing worse than wearing a three-piece suit in a startup company that simply wears
jeans and t-shirts all the time.
It makes you look odd and stand out in a weird way.
If you're in a social event with friends you should truly be able to wear whatever you
want and whatever you are comfortable with and whatever you're supported by.
If it's a more casual outing it's okay to be more casual.
This weekend I went to a brewery and I just wore a regular dress shirt with a knit tie
and a nice knit cardigan.
Three, dress to please yourself.
Think of dressing as your hobby and it's something that you enjoy.
It's about you and what you like to do not about others.
Four, learn how to accept a compliment graciously because otherwise you may come off like an
arrogant prick.
When you dress up more compliments will be coming your way and we did a video on how
to accept it like a gentleman here.
Five, it's very important to have a comeback ready.
If you're asked why you're dressed up have a few answers prepared that you can give right
away so you don't have to engage in lengthy conversations, shut the conversation down
and simply go about your way.
By having an appropriate comeback you exude confidence most other people will just leave
it at that and won't bother you again.
It's important that a response should never be defensive or mean.
Saying things like because "I'm not a peasant" or "I wasn't raised by wolves" will always
be kind of offensive to people and it automatically reflects on them which will just draw you
into a longer argument and it's just a pain.
That aside as a gentleman you never go down under a level and to learn more about What
It Means To Be A Gentleman Today, please check out this video here.
Ideally you shouldn't go down the rabbit hole of explaining.
It's the same politics if you start explaining you're losing.
Aggressive or negative people want to engage you in a fight, want to drag you down to their
level, and then they beat you with experience so don't do that.
The best comebacks are short and sweet.
"What did you dress up for today?"
"It's Thursday!"
Or if you want to be snarky you could say something like "Adulthood."
But again that may be seen as offensive.
"Why you look so fancy?"
"Why not?"
"Why are you so well-dressed?"
"Because I know how to."
"Do you think you're better than us?"
"No, dressing up is just my hobby."
The sooner you'll accept that judgment will always be around the easier it gets to focus
on what you truly want.
Six, the single biggest secrets to dressing up when others don't is to not care what others
think of you.
Personally I'd say it comes very naturally to me and being on YouTube and being exposed
and having that negativity around me just helped me to develop an even thicker skin.
There's a good saying along the lines of "What other people think of you is none of your
business" and I pretty much agree with that.
People-pleasing, approval addiction or the fear of rejection will always be in the way
of what you truly want for yourself.
If you care a lot what other people think of you, you may want to look into the book
The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck.
You can find a link to it on our website here.
Last but not the least, be authentic because that provides you with confidence and people
who are confident are perceived in a much different way.
Fewer people will want to argue with you and they will accept you as who you are.
So in today's outfit I'm wearing a rather bold ensemble.
It is a classic boat club blazer with bold stripes.
I even have pants for it as a suit so it's definitely a statement piece.
I bought it vintage because I liked it and in this combination I'm wearing it with a
solid light blue shirt with a silk jacquard tie with small polka dots from Fort Belvedere
which you can find in our shop here.
The shoes are burgundy red double monk straps which go well with my tie and I chose socks
in Burgundy and off-white which tie my khakis and my shoes quite well together.
Because my blazer is so bold, I opted for a simple light blue pocket square with burgundy
red embroidery which works well with my tie, my shoes, my belt, my socks and so the whole
outfit is tied together.
Likewise my ring is a red carnelian which goes with a red theme.
It's in silver which goes with the buckles of my belt as well as my shoes.
Next to me you can see a brown fur coat which for many people is over the top but I live
in Minnesota where winters get really cold and I love to wear a warm overcoat.
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