real friends send each other self-help
and witch and cat memes
this is the barometer of how i measure
all my friendships michelle
great work today your report is
outstanding thank you i also
intentionally sent four memes in each
category making 444
an angel number which adds even a deeper
more divine significance to our
friendship
your attention to detail is just
[Music]
melissa what happened today well i
didn't spend as much time on instagram
today because i was working
you know what else takes work melissa
a friendship it's just a matter of where
you want to put that work totally i can
send double the means tomorrow melissa
memes are a balance
you send too few clearly you don't give
a flying [ __ ] about this friendship
you send too many that's just desperate
okay moving on to our next order of
business
snacks but yesterday a friend of mine
sent our girl group chat
an infographic made by dr kelly vincent
who condensed the information from
valerie young's book
the secret thoughts of successful women
why capable people suffer from imposter
syndrome and how to thrive in spite of
it
so young has focused her career on
researching fraudulent feelings among
high achievers
and through that research she's
uncovered five types of people who
struggle
with the impostor phenomenon and i felt
personally attacked by all of them so
here we go
one the perfectionist perfectionists are
never satisfied and they always feel
that their work could be better
rather than focus on their strengths
they tend to fixate on any flaws or
mistakes
this often leads to a great deal of
self-pressure and high amounts of
anxiety
two the superhero because these
individuals feel inadequate they feel
compelled to push themselves to
work as hard as possible you measure
your competency based on how many roles
you can juggle
and excel in fall short in any role that
evokes shame
because they feel like they should be
able to handle it three the expert
these individuals are always trying to
learn more and are never satisfied with
their level of understanding
even though they're often highly skilled
they underrate their own expertise
their primary concern according to
vincent is what and how much they know
or can do
even a minor lack of knowledge creates
feelings of failure and shame four
the natural genius these people set
excessively lofty goals for themselves
and feel crushed when they don't succeed
on their first try five
the soloist these people tend to be very
individualistic
and prefer to work alone self-worth
often stems from their productivity so
they often reject
offers of assistance they tend to see
asking for help as a sign of weakness or
incompetence
now according to the imposter phenomenon
by jaron sekulkul and james alexander
in the international journal of
behavioral science the imposter
phenomenon was first described by
pauline clance
from her observation in a clinical
setting so these individuals that she
was observing
experienced intense feelings that their
achievements are undeserved
and they worry that they're likely to be
exposed as a fraud
fun fact imposter syndrome was initially
only believed to affect professional
women
but now we know that it affects all of
us yes children yes
an estimated 70 of people will
experience this at least
once in their lives now this quote from
the article blew my mind so get ready to
have your mind blown
anyone can view themselves as an
imposter
if they failed to internalize their
success
wow that is some of the best
mind-blowing i have ever received
now if you want to read the 20-page
spread the link is below it's incredibly
fascinating it even has like this nifty
little graph about the imposter cycle
in case you wanted to see the mental
gymnastics our anxious brains are doing
all the time now what do we do about
imposter syndrome
well according to young everyone has
unconscious rules in their head about
what it means to be
competent these rules tend to begin with
should
always or never so in order to tackle
feeling like an imposter
we need to know what our rules are
vincent also gives some great examples
of this like
i should know everything in my field i
should get it right the first time i'd
never make a mistake i'd never be
confused i'd never
ask for help so if you can identify the
hidden self-limiting beliefs you have
around competency or success
you can start directly addressing those
rules
i personally struggle a lot with
perfectionism and superhero tendencies
i tell myself i should be able to do
everything i've always been someone who
can juggle a lot i never want to give up
one asset of my creative life
but instead of where's that mind-blowing
quote again instead of
internalizing my successes i gloss over
them and i only focus on the mistakes
where i feel
short how i don't measure up and how i
could do better
but not anymore children now that i'm
self-aware and i have placed a little
red flag in my brain
whenever i hear should always and never
i can begin addressing damaging imposter
syndrome behavior
and beliefs and so can you yeah
self-work is exhausting but we're gonna
keep going because what else can we do
i'm anna akana and thank you to the
patrons who supported today's video
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