- [Instructor] Hey, Psych2Goers.
Do you remember more of being scolded
or being praised as a child?
Which one stuck with you the longest?
We often have the tendency to repeat negative
and bad memories more often than the positive ones.
These words carry weight
since there's a greater cellular activity in the brain
when negative memories are formed.
Because of this, it's important to be careful
with the way you speak to your children
as it can stick with them for a really long time.
To learn more about this here are six things
parents should never say to a child.
Number one. You can't do anything right.
Were you ever told this when you did something wrong?
Patience is a trait not everyone naturally possesses,
but it's important for parents to cut down
on these types of remarks
whenever your child isn't performing up to caliber.
It serves no purpose other than to belittle them,
which can discourage and do more harm than good
to their growth.
This phrase can also lead them to set
unrealistically high expectations for themselves
that can lead to feelings of inadequacy
and resentment later in life.
Number two. I'm disappointed in you.
This may be something you often say to your child
when they've failed to meet your expectation or standard,
but it can actually be quite damaging and harmful
for them to hear it, especially for younger children.
According to Dr. Lim Boon Leng
from Psychological Wellness in Singapore,
your children are more susceptible
to their parents' moods than older ones.
Thus, it's important to tone down your statements like this,
since it can end up bruising
your child's self esteem and confidence.
Number three. You should be like your brother or sister.
Were you ever compared to your siblings before?
It's crucial to recognize that children are individuals
with their own personalities and traits
that make them unique.
Instead of telling your kid that they should be
more like their sibling or classmate
who make excel at a certain field or subject like sports,
praise them for their strengths
and the things that they're good at
like literature or the arts instead.
There's no one perfect role model
and needlessly comparing your child to someone else's
or their sibling can make them feel inadequate.
Number four. It's your fault that something bad happened.
It's normal for every parent to feel upset,
angry, and frustrated at times
at the things that their children do.
However, it's very important to be careful
with the words you use when you're feeling that way.
Children, especially the younger ones,
are not able to differentiate your anger
as an expression of frustration from an attack on them
and therefore their sense of self-worth.
For example, if an emotionally taxing event
like the death of a pet occurs
because of your child's negligence
they can be a burden for everyone,
but in moments like these it's crucial to take the time
to be compassionate and to educate them
on how to deal with their sadness
rather than assigning blame.
This will help them understand
how to navigate emotional turmoil,
which is something they can carry
for the rest of their lives.
Number five. Don't cry.
Do your parents get uncomfortable with emotional outbursts
and tell you to stop?
Telling a child not to cry can teach them
to conceal their emotions.
This can make it more likely for them to develop
mental health issues in both the short and term.
Similarly, phrases like don't be sad
or calm down should be avoided.
Research published in Washington State University
shows that being able to openly acknowledge
how you're feeling no matter how negative it is
can help improve mental health
for both parents and children.
And number six.
You're the best at everything you do, remember that.
While warranted praise is healthy,
giving undue credit can actually be bad for them.
Some children who are praised too frequently
can develop a sense of entitlement
and become overconfident in their abilities.
At the same time, others who are praised a lot
can end up feeling immense pressure from the expectations
that their parents set on them.
This may cause them to fail to act
or become unwilling to try new things.
The best approach is to give specific and honest feedback.
For example, instead of saying your child
is the best at soccer,
be specific about their positive traits
like how they're an excellent leader
who motivates their teammates during games.
Did you relate to any of the signs above?
Let us know in the comments below.
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The references and studies used in this video,
as always, are added in the description below.
Thanks for watching and see you in our next video.