Alright. Let's get this shit over with. Come on.
*cheery elevator music*
Have a seat. Don't get too comfortable though. You're never going to see this office ever again.
Oh I'm going to talk as white as I can during this interview *chuckles*
My smile has gotten me through everything in life. So I'm just going to be smiling a lot.
You didn't happen to bring a piece of paper with a surface level description of what you do on it?
I made this in college, and it's just covered in lies.
Here's a template from online. If you could just not read that.
No. Redstone Real Estate does not exist. I saw it on a coffee mug and put it on my resume.
Yeah, I'm not actually reading this. It's just a bullshit formality. *Crunches up paper* Let me start by giving you a vague description of what this job entails.
I'll listen poorly.
Yeah that's gonna help me realize it's never gonna work out.
Now legally I'm not allowed to ask you any questions about age, sex or nationality. But I'm gonna go 'head and make some wild assumptions about you based on your appearance.
As a woman, I wouldn't expect for you to get past the surface level observation.
I'm more concerned with the background check.
I'm gonna try to mold myself into what it is you want me to be.
So tell me. What makes you so damn special?
You know what? I can't think of a damn thing
I'm actually constantly afraid that I'm not special at all.
So when you're not at work, how do you waste your time?
Oh mostly drinking at bars, and hopefully complaining about you in the future.
*chuckes* I'm not listening. Do you have any ill informed questions for me?
I didn't think about this part at all.
How many people here are douchebags like you?
Do you think I got the job?
Well my gut feeling right now is that you have a lot going on on the outside. You are a nightmare to be with in conversation and you're unfortunately still a woman. So you're not going to get the job.
But let's go ahead and press our dirty palms together anyway.
That's fine. I've got two more shitty job interviews to get to today.
Safe to assume I won't hear from you again?
I'm gonna go cry in my car and replay this conversation and tell myself how much of an idiot I am.
Well this was a complete waste of both of our times because I'm just going to hire the boss' nephew anyway. I will literally never think of you ever again.
*cheery elevator music*
Google search. How to get away with sexual harassment.