- I'm a doctor, these are memes.
I'm about to dissect them.
(air whooshing)
Huge thank you to Thrive Market for sponsoring this video.
"How much do you overthink?"
Yo, they keep me up at night
because they're like, "Select all the automobiles."
And then I see a tractor in one of them.
And I'm like, "Is this a trick?"
In fact, if you're riding down the street on a tractor,
you could be like a heliobacter.
Yo, got that heliobacter on the tractor.
I'm going to change it and give you that intrinsic factor.
Oh. (beeping)
"If you're a doctor and don't point at your food and say,
"'That's just what the doctor ordered,'"
"whenever you're at a restaurant,
"you need to have your medical license revoked."
That's so good.
I have never used that line before.
And you know what I'm doing tonight?
I'm going to go downstairs, get my Amazon order
that's delivered and be like,
"That's just what the doctor ordered."
"A second great reason to not eat uranium."
"How many calories in uranium."
"20 billion calories?"
Isn't uranium like radiotoxic?
I think the problem that you would have
is that it's radioactive, not the 20 billion calories.
That's all I'm trying to put out there,
so don't eat uranium.
Like I've seen too many movies where they're like,
"Oh my God, the uranium."
(gentle jazz music)
"I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles."
"Your next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster."
(laughs) (thumping)
Quality, fatherly joke.
Dad Jokes, "I saw a microbiologist today.
"He was much bigger than I expected."
Okay, Dad, very punny.
Why is there no field of macrobiology?
I guess that would be just biology.
"I'm on a diet.
"I used to eat six slices of pizza, now I eat three."
Health, health, health, hulth,
health, health, health, hulth.
"German word for birth control pills."
"Birth control pills," "Antibabypillen."
No, it's not.
It is not antibabypillen.
I'm fact-checking it.
Oh my God, someone wrote something, "Antibabypillen."
No. - [Computer] Antibabypillen.
- Antibabypillen, yo, it's a word.
It has a Wikipedia page.
(laughing)
- [Sam] Well, what do you know?
- Why are we calling it birth control in America?
We should call it anti baby pill.
Also known as (in foreign language).
(beeping)
"Pack a bag.
"Just the essentials."
Explosion, "God, I'm starving."
Lavender- (laughs)
Those are not essentials.
Those are essential oils.
Not the same thing.
I'm grabbing water, first aid kit, Bear.
- [Sam] Himalayan salt lamp?
- No, that's heavy.
I don't want to bring ...
Actually, actually, Himalayan salt lamp might be good.
If someone attacks me, you can kind of fight with it.
- [Sam] You could lick it, for nutrients.
- No, "When you accidentally
"take two Flintstones gummy vitamins instead of one
"because they were stuck together."
(laughs)
This is Winnie the Bear.
"Doctor: 'The disease is gone.'
"Mother: 'That's great news.
"'When will I see my healthy son?'
"'I just told you that the disease is gone.'"
No, why am I laughing?
I shouldn't be laughing.
No. - [Sam] Is that the kind
of joke you would make with a patient?
- No, if you watch my meme reviews,
I'm curious how you think I am in my bedside manner?
Do you think I'm just a savage?
"New password, Peewoop, weak.
"Imitating computer noises, strong."
(mumbling)
It wouldn't ever just be "Peewoop."
It would be like "PeEwOoP987987986985984up-arrow, %$.
Good luck cracking that "Peewoop" password.
"Results are in.
"You have Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it rare?"
♪ It's not unusual ♪
Right, that's what we're doing?
The Carlton dance.
- [Sam] You got it. - Okay.
"Her: 'How much would it cost?'
"Dog: '$3,000 or your shoe.'
"Her: 'My shoe?'
"Do you want the operation or not?"
I'll take your bone.
"When you overhear some teens referencing to 90s music
"as classics and oldies."
It's so true though.
I mean, I listened to "Backstreet Boys" the other day
and I was like, "Wow, this is like ...
"Why did they stop making quality music like this?"
And then I reminded myself
that it's absolutely not quality music
and it's just quality 'cause I was 10 when I heard it
and it meant something to me
because I had a girl break up with me when she was 10
and I was 10.
And I was like- (grunts)
(beeping)
Back to the memes in just a second,
but first, let me tell you about Thrive Market.
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Remember Dr. Mike is spelled out.
And if you sign up for a full year, it's 30 days risk-free.
All right, let's get back to the memes.
"How to get flexible in five minutes."
"How to fix a pulled muscle-"
(laughs) (claps)
Ah, it's so true.
Anything related to exercise,
getting stronger, getting faster, breathing deeper,
becoming flexible, becoming good at meditation.
All of this you cannot do in five minutes.
Enjoy the process, not just the end result.
Kind of becoming more and more Buddhist
with each meme episode.
"Battlestar Sciatica." (laughs)
That's really good.
I don't mean to laugh at people's pain,
but this is a funny meme situation here.
Doctors and patients alike, like to lump all back pain
into the sciatica category.
It's not all sciatica, number one.
Number two, sciatica can be quite dangerous
if it's truly impinging on your spinal cord.
The prognosis for the different injuries are different.
So don't jump to conclusions.
Make sure your doctor does a full physical exam
because if it's not sciatica,
there might be different treatment.
Like if you have a kidney stone causing low back pain,
that wouldn't require physical therapy.
You dig?
"Did you know?
"Rub a bit of olive oil and Epsom salt
"on the painful spots in your body
"and it will immediately feel greasier and saltier."
Facts, the most accurate meme medical piece
of advice I've ever seen.
I should tattoo this on my body.
A billion likes.
Get a billion likes on this video,
I'm tattooing this on my body.
"Doctor: 'Your wife is in a better place.'
"Husband: 'In heaven?'
"'No, in my apartment.'"
What is with this savagery, man?
(laughing)
No, no, this is not okay.
This belongs on "Grey's Anatomy" memes, not on my Reddit.
This doctor took care of this person's wife
and made sure she was better
and she was recovering in his apartment.
Sam thought something else.
I'll just put that there.
- [Sam] I think we both agree that's what happened.
(beeping) - "Removing objects
"from stab wounds will increase the blood loss
"and thus it will increase the chance of that person dying.
"Leave that object be, and don't try to remove it."
Facts, I've said this many times
in my medical drama reviews.
"I removed it from my friend's wound,
"but I remembered your post and put it back.
"Thanks for the information."
The purpose of not taking it out
is so that it holds the bleeding.
If you take it out and you put it back in,
you're creating more bleeding.
The person's gonna bleed.
You're stabbing your friend.
I have Bear hair.
I'll just swallow it.
(gentle jazz music)
I really like this Thrive snack
'cause it's 130 calories per serving.
(crunching)
"Worst thing about getting the vaccine shot
"was when I had to take off my 'Blink-182' sweatshirt
"and everyone saw I was also wearing a 'Blink-182' t-shirt."
And then you had to take off the t-shirt
and you had a tattoo of "Blink-182" below it.
I get it, all the small things.
(clapping)
"Nurse giving me vaccine:
"'Be sure you drink lots of fluids.'
"Me: 'That's literally all I drink.'"
Level 1,000 big brain play.
"I've been diagnosed."
"What's wrong?"
He has a diagonal nose.
(laughing) (beeping)
"How the da Vinci robot looks like."
"How kids see the da Vinci machine."
It honestly could be one of the most frightening pieces
of medical technology.
If you combine the da Vinci robot
with Elon Musk's dream AI robot thing,
it's honestly my nightmare.
"I want this zit to go away.
"Maybe I should turn it into an open wound."
Honestly, there's something about watching a zit pop
that is utterly pleasurable to the inside of our bodies.
Like it's almost an alien wanting to escape.
You try to avoid doing this as much as possible
'cause by picking at it,
you could actually create an infection.
You can create scars.
There's all these issues that come up
when you pop your own pimples.
"In 1989, Mario was just a plumber," and Dr. Mike was born.
"In 1990, he started a medical practice.
"That's a problem.
"A minimum of seven years is required
"to become an independently practicing doctor.
"If you or a loved one were ever treated by Dr. Mario,
"you may be entitled to compensation.
"All prescriptions and doctor's note he has written
"are fraudulent and must be stopped."
Better get LegalEagle on board to fact check this.
Could be malpractice, suing Nintendo.
"Where does it hurt?"
"Headache, stomach, no one does chest compressions."
It does hurt when no one does chest compressions,
but it also doesn't hurt
'cause if you need chest compressions,
that means you're clinically dead
and you don't feel anything, so.
Cute, cute, cute, but inaccurate.
"This is called 100% customer satisfaction."
"How to Sleep Well."
As a doctor, I'm going to diagnose this image right now.
It looks like it's nighttime in this image.
It's 8:00 PM.
What shouldn't you be doing at 8:00 PM?
Napping, because when you nap at 8:00 PM,
you try and go to sleep at night, you can't fall asleep.
Instead of napping, while holding this book,
she should read the book and learn
that you shouldn't nap so close to bedtime
because it'll affect your sleeping patterns.
Facts, no printer.
"Salesman: 'Do you want that cord?'"
"Customer: 'No, I want Discord.'"
You want to be on our Discord?
That's linked down below.
We have a private Discord and Patreon for super cool peeps
that pay $9.99 a month.
And guess what we donate all that $9.99 a month?
To charity, and you choose which charity.
"I morphed my two favorite doctors on YouTube."
Oh, Dr. K, oh my god.
Interesting face, that face on the bottom
looks like two humans faces morphed together,
not like an individual human.
Shout out to Dr. K.
I hope he's doing well.
I heard he was battling with some COVID,
so we're sending him positive vibes.
"Are you DownToDate?"
"And that's when I ordered toradol instead of morphine."
"I love that we can speak medicine to each other."
"Try DownToDate, the first dating app exclusively
"for physicians, by physicians."
Is this like UpToDate?
UpToDate is the medical software we use
to get our knowledge base up.
So I guess DownToDate is like the opposite of UpToDate.
It's nerdy, but it's cute.
UpToDate is legit.
I'm a member.
These are seven bad doctors.
Click here to check that out.
And huge thank you to Thrive Market again
for sponsoring this video.
Click the link down below to get 25% off your first order
and a free gift.
As always, stay happy and healthy.
(upbeat music)