Located in modern-day Iraq, Kuwait, and Turkey,
the region between the river Tigris and the Euphrates was the cradle of human civilization.
This was the first place on earth where seven thousand years ago
men settled down, built a city, and then did some pretty nutty and messed up stuff.
Welcome to Nutty History and today let’s find out what creepy things were normal in Mess-oh-Potamia!
The first civilization to flourish between the river Tigris and Euphrates, and as a matter of
fact, anywhere on the planet, was the Sumerian civilization. The Sumerians settled in the
Lower Mesopotamia region which would be Kuwait and Southern Iraq today. The capital of Sumer
settlement was Ur which according to the Bible was the home of Abraham before he resettled in Canaan.
Ur was also considered the home of the Sumerian mythical king Gilgamesh, and because Ur’s kings
thought of themselves as descendents of Gilgamesh, they claimed to be related to gods and considered
themselves divine. Ur’s royalty commanded so much devotion and obedience that when monarchs died,
it was expected of their court to follow their king into the next world. A common theory about
this insane ritual of what can only be described as a mass sacrifice of human lives started with
King Meskalamdug. Meskalamdug most possibly ruled the Sumer empire in the 26th century BCE.
The paramount ruler of Sumerians didn’t want to walk the journey of the afterlife alone.
He desired to have his whole convoy accompany him to the afterlife. That means a huge number
of soldiers, courtiers, and of course, an entire choir of women was asked to take their own life
and prepare themselves for being entombed with the monarch. A lot of historians believe that
the guards, servants, bards, and attendants, who were chosen to accompany their royal employer
into the afterlife died serenely and voluntarily by drinking poison. As disturbing and creepy as
that may sound, there is doubt how likely it was that everybody so merrily accepted their
doom given mortality rates could not have been quite comforting back in the day. Unfortunately,
archaeologists found evidence regarding the fate of some insolent employees. There are a number of
remains found in these royal tombs with their skulls punctured with a spike. That indicates
that willing or not, your life expectancy could not have been higher than your employer in royal
service. Imagine you are desperate for a job and only opening around the town is to become
a servant of an old, frail, and may drop dead anytime monarch. Would you dare to take it?
Given that civilization was still pretty much in the alpha stage of development,
a lot of necessities were missing in those times such as health care. Add fanatical religion,
and you get the perfect recipe for an apathetic society where only the fittest could survive.
In Babylonia there was no time to learn the old survival skill either,
you were tested from the moment you were born. Babylonians believed that babies born with any
ailment or abnormality were a sign of the child cursed by the Gods. They believed that
such cases of birth were the outcome of either mother being a witch or her copulating with an
animal. Born with missing limbs? Get ready to be thrown in the river. Born as conjoined twins?
You would be thrown into the river. Born as an intersex child? You bet your behind, you would
be thrown into the river. I don't suggest drinking any water from that river..Even if one came out of
their mother with an extra digit, it would result in being abandoned on the side of the road to die
and become the meal of stray animals. That doesn’t mean being born normal was an easy road either.
A lot of adolescent kids would die in ritual homicides before coming of age. In 2014, a macabre
discovery in southeastern Turkey revealed a bronze age tomb dating somewhere between 3100 BC and 2800
BC. The tomb contained bodies of two, 12-year-old children, surrounded by ornaments and goods.
Later, six more bodies of teenagers were found nearby the tomb with similar MO.
It is hypothesized that all these teenagers were sacrificed by puncturing them with a
ritualistic dagger. Further excavations have revealed a series of other burials at the site,
including a mass death pit containing at least fifty individuals who were buried simultaneously.
Historians believe that sacrifices like this could have been one way of controlling the population.
After the Sumer and Akkadians, Assyrian Empire rose in Mesopotamia around 1900 BCE.
But Assyrians achieved their peak around 900 BC and their kings were known to rule with a
crimson fist. That means they ruled with an iron fist but also loved to make those fists bloody.
These psychopathic rulers had a wanton desire for slaughter and torture. When Ashurnasirpal
the second became king, he inherited an expansive and stable empire because of his father and
grandfather’s efforts. This ready-made empire allowed Ashurnasirpal to use royal resources
otherwise known as common welfare. And given his bloodthirst, he chose to raise a hellacious army
to intimidate neighboring city-states and kingdoms into submission or desolate them.
And when desolation was the only option, Ashurnasirpal the second’s wrath was purely
methodical on insurrectionists. Once to quell a rebellion, he burned, blinded, beheaded rebels,
set the maidens of the city ablaze, and cast a good number of enemy soldiers to hot deserts
so they would die very slowly of dehydration. But the most inhumane punishment was reserved for the
chiefs. He flayed all the insolent leaders who refused to submit to him
and he used their skin to make leather for the pillar that was constructed against the city
gate so everybody entering the city must know what was the price of disobeying the emperor.
It might be sad to say but unlike romantic novels preaching that marriage is a binding of two hearts
with nothing but pure love, the reality is very different. Since the dawn of marriage in humanity,
it has always been, first and foremost, legally binding. Whether it be between husband and wife,
husband and father-in-law, fathers of husband and bride, or between two entire families,
the rules of marriage have been pretty much the same. And that doesn’t change no matter how far
back you go in history. Even back in Mesopotamia, marriage was a contractual obligation with legal
consequences regarding a monetary exchange, fiscal settlements, and transfer of property. And when we
say the transfer of property, depending on the time and place in history we are talking about,
property may include the bride herself. One of the most popular methods to get hitched in Mesopotamia
was to buy a bride from a bride auction. Now mind you this description of events comes
from Herodotus, the Greek historian who is well known for the habit of often exaggerating facts.
Also, his account of Mesopotamia and Persia was highly influenced by Greece’s well-known
disdain for Persia because of the strained relationship between the two countries.
Herodotus wrote that Mesopotamian villages would hold annual events where all marriageable females
would be gathered in a single space like cattle and male bidders would form a circle around
them. You can not imagine such a scene without having goosebumps from anguish. Obviously, the
most beautiful would be sold to the richest man bidding highest without a care for her consent.
After being forced into marriage, women were often forced to be faithful under the penalty of death.
Under the Code of Hammurabi instituted by the Babylonians,
a wife who committed adultery could be thrown into the river with her paramour to drown.
If a husband chose to spare his wife's life, the male lover would be saved as well.
And speaking of Hammurabi Code, let's look at the justice system of Babylonia.
Located 60 miles away from present-day Baghdad, Babylonia became the capital of Mesopotamia during
the second millennium B.C. The first kings of the Babylonian empire were called Amorites
and Hammurabi was considered as the greatest among them who is now known for Hammurabi’s Code.
The Hammurabi code of Laws was a collection of 282 rules which would make you wonder why
tyrannical laws in a modern context aren’t called hammurabian instead of draconian. Nonetheless,
the Hammurabi Code of Laws is an important historical milestone. It is the earliest record
of complete written laws carved on a black stone stele out of a four-ton slab of diorite. A durable
but incredibly difficult stone for carving. Written in an “if this then that” format,
the codes suggested punishment to be a severe form of the crime the guilty had committed.
Apart from the literal eye for an eye law, a son would lose both his hands for striking his father
and a wife could be drowned for merely disrespecting her husband.
While the laws themselves were inhumane and horrible, it was the judges who would freak
one out for their peculiar enthusiasm for handing out such sadistic punishments. If you travel back
in time, one might mistake a real Babylonian court for a Monty Python or Blackadder skit
because of how gleefully the judges performed their duty. Using religion and superstition to
cause misery and pain to other human beings is not rare in humanity. In fact, even today we know how
many people lose their lives in the name of God every year. Slavery itself has been justified by
the story of Canaan and the divinity of Kings. So, it shouldn’t be surprising that the concept
of slavery began with the cradle of civilization itself. During the Akkadian empire around 2300 BC,
kings would deploy bands of men out to plunder neighboring city-states. Now you might think well
Vikings raided Europe too for goods and materials, what’s wrong with that? Well, Akkadians didn’t
raid for goods, they raid for men. The whole objective of pillaging for Akkadians was to
acquire slaves that they can own and abuse the slaves, treating them no better than cattle.
The Akkadian rulers propagated the belief that as God-Kings they were ordained by Gods to subjugate
inferiors. Akkadians exploited these slaves with back-breaking labor which became the backbone
of the infrastructure that builds the Akkadian empire. So, what do you think, was Mesopotamia
one of the most messed up civilizations in history? What other civilization would you like
us to cover next? Tell us in the comments below. And as always thanks for watching Nutty History.