does your man flirt with other women on social media? do you feel disrespected or
upset because he's liking or commenting on other women's selfies and photos? well
then stay right here because in this video I'm going to explain the
differences between harmless flirting and when things are starting to go too
far. don't go anywhere because we're starting right now hi everyone I'm dr.
Antonio burello and I'm a psychologist and a relationship coach this channel is
all about helping you build great relationships so you can grow happy with
the people you love so if you're interested in making your love life the
best part of your life start now by clicking the subscribe button and hit
the bell notification so you aren't missing anything okay let's talk about
social media flirting first what is flirting well according to the leading
researchers in the field flirting is defined as ambiguous goal motivated
behaviors that can be but aren't restricted to being interpreted as
sexually motivated and it's the motivations and intentions behind the
flirting that distinguish playful flirting from cheating but make no
mistake about it flirting always serves a purpose for example there's playfully
motivated flirting between two people who know one another
this is playful bantering and teasing that's enjoyable to both parties and
motivated by fun it's a harmless and innocent activity that makes neither
party uncomfortable and then there is esteem motivated learning that is aimed
at making another person feel good and boost their self esteem these are
complementary and non-threatening comments such as telling someone that
they look great today or that you really like that color on them or that you
think a man looks handsome in his suit today again the motivation is simply to
compliment and make another person feel good so in this case men and women
engage in flirting because it is flattering and it makes them feel
attractive or to make another person feel better about themselves and so far
these are innocent enough but if we take it a step further there's exploring
motivated and sexually motivated flirting and this is when someone is
trying to be ambiguous or indirectly could
romantic or sexual interest with a lowered risk of rejection so when I
flirt with someone I am inviting the other person to flirt back when I put
something out there such as a longer gaze or sustained eye contact or a
playful bantering I'm gauging and waiting for a response I'm waiting to
see if they are open or if they're going to ignore the flirtation or block it and
send some kind of I'm not interested message and this is the most important
part these interactions are happening between two people who know one another
and it's happening in person and privately now let's bring social media
like Facebook and Instagram into the mix and I'll explain how this changes
everything so I ask these questions on Facebook a few days ago and it started a
very vibrant debate here are the questions if a man likes a woman selfie
or photo on Facebook or Instagram is that considered flirting and if you are
in a relationship is that considered disrespectful so let me know your
thoughts in the comment section below and let's start a debate here too and I
know that people have differing opinions so just be respectful of one another so
I ask these questions because at first I didn't think liking someone's photos was
considered flirting so my first inclination was to think that it wasn't
a big deal but then a few of my friends offered a completely different
interpretation and I'll share that with you in a second but the first question
if a man likes a woman's photo on Facebook or Instagram is that flirting
with her well it depends on three things first what is the nature of the photo
second do you even know that person and third what is the purpose or motivation
or intention behind the like if it's a random woman that you don't know posing
in a tiny bikini what is the intention behind it like what do you want her to
feel when she sees that you liked her photo that's the motivation behind the
like is she going to feel like you're flirting and and I don't even want to
get into the comments like that's a whole nother level of flirting the
second part is it disrespectful to your significant other if you're liking other
woman's photos and selfies on social media and
Sara good friend of mine gave a wonderful response on Facebook and she
said I think it's disrespectful and hurtful obviously not if it's a close
family friend or childhood front etc but if a guy is going on Instagram and
liking a bunch of random girls selfies or sexy gym poses or swimsuit pictures
why what's the point of that supporting them I don't think so I think it's
incredibly disrespectful and it has nothing to do with insecurity for me
it's just a basic principle you love someone don't do anything to put them in
a position to feel that they aren't the one who takes your breath away or make
them feel that anything short of special so she brings up some excellent points
that really point to the reasons it can be disrespectful so when is the line
crossed look couples have varying degrees of comfort with flirting the
playful bantering among friends that one couple finds amusing is uncomfortable
and threatening to another couple so that's the first complication here
everyone is different but here are the confounding variables that make social
media flirting so much more damaging to relationships the first reason is
intention see innocent or esteem flirting that might happen between
co-workers or colleagues or classmates in real life can serve the purpose of
making someone you know feel good and if it's not welcomed the person who has
been flirted with can put an end to it and privately the difference with social
media if I like a woman's photo on Instagram and leave a comment saying wow
you're hot too a woman that I've never met what is the intention here I don't
have a real friendship the intention isn't the same as the playful esteem
flirting with someone that you see in person and talk to one-on-one and you're
not blasting your flirtation all over the internet for all of your friends and
connections to see and if I have a girlfriend or wife she too can see my
comment again everyone is different but it's very easy to understand how or why
she might feel disrespected by that there's a big difference between
innocent flirting between co-workers and flirting with a stranger online the
motivation is different and the outcome is different that's why it's important
to talk to your partner and agree upon boundaries acceptable to you
both and if either partner violates a promise or commitment that you've made
to the other then you have a problem regardless and besides violating a
promise or commitment here are the additional signs that you're flirting
has gone too far number one when you think about flirting
with the same person let's face it flirting is fun and can make us feel
good but daydreaming and reminiscing and looking forward to playful flirtations
with one person is a sign that more is developing so ask this question do you
often catch yourself thinking about the flirtatious friend when they're not near
you if you answer yes it's time to re-evaluate your situation because
you're starting to catch some feelings number two when you keep your
flirtatious behavior secret if the flirting either online or in person is
kept a secret from your partner your family your friends and your coworkers
ask yourself why see not telling your sensitive partner
about the attractive UPS person you flirt with is one thing but when you're
uncomfortable telling your best friend about your flirting you probably cross a
line over three when you feel guilty about it would your partner feel
betrayed if they could read your mind and experience your feelings when you
are flirting with your friend and are you guilt-ridden after flirting because
you enjoyed it so much if so perhaps your friendship is bordering on
inappropriate and it's time to stop it now
number four when you share emotional intimacy we all need the love and
acceptance and appreciation of another person and when these intimacy needs are
not met we are lonely regardless of our relationship status loneliness is your
heart craving for intimacy and connection but not having anyone willing
to connect and this can certainly occur when we're single and alone but it also
occurs in relationships where one or both partners are emotionally
unavailable the danger of flirting is that friendly bantering and flirting can
get us to open up and share more of our thoughts and emotions what starts off as
playful friendship then becomes the foundation of an emotionally intimate
relationship if you find that you share more of your emotions
with your flirtatious friend because they understand you better then you've
already moved into dangerous territory by the way I've made other videos on how
to quickly recognize red flags in new relationships click here to watch that
video now or click here to learn the three most common ways that men trick
women I'll see you in the next one