-Hi, and in this video,
we're going to talk about one common way that women
kill attraction with men they really like.
[music]
Hi there, Mat Shaffer, your dating,
empowerment and relationship coach,
here to talk to you about this one common thing
that I see my clients and students do over
and over and over again that kills attraction with men.
It's really sad because it's always with the men
they really like.
The men they really like,
they do this one thing and it just ends up killing
the polarity of the situation and pushing him
much further away than he would be otherwise.
We're going to unpack it.
I'm going to tell you what to do
and why you shouldn't be doing this.
Before I do, take a second,
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All right, and so now let's dive into this.
What is this one thing that women do
that you might be doing to men
that you're really interested in?
Well, I'll tell you, it's trying to prove yourself.
I have a phrase that I use with my clients.
A man's not going out with you because of your resume.
A man doesn't want to read your resume on a date.
What do I mean by this?
I mean that a lot of times I think when a woman,
and I've known with my clients,
when a woman is really interested in a man,
when she's really drawn to him,
when she's excited about him,
she feels this need to prove herself.
To prove herself by talking about
all of her accomplishments,
talking about all of the things that she's done in her life.
Basically reading it all off,
like she's reading her resume to him.
When we talk about masculine and feminine energy,
what energy do you think a woman is embodying
when she's resume reading to a man?
You're right, it's masculine.
It's very masculine to do that.
I understand that a lot of women
because they have to be in their masculine at work
or in other areas of their life,
being grounded in your accomplishments
and how you're crushing it and doing all these things,
that is a high value thing.
I'm not saying that men don't place some value on a woman
who's doing big things in their life.
I know,
I enjoy spending time with women who have big goals
and big vision and are moving towards them.
That is attractive.
It is attractive to men,
but it's not the main reason
that you're going to generate attraction
with a man on a date.
You don't want to try to generate attraction
by reading your resume or talking about your accomplishments
because here's the thing,
attraction is based in you being in your feminine
and him being in his masculine.
Okay.
A man,
in order to really get polarized and get attracted to you
in a magnetic way,
he doesn't want to hear about your accomplishments
and have to think about them and process them
and determine if that makes you higher value or not.
A man wants to feel,
he wants to have an experience with you.
Do you see what I'm saying?
That's what's going to generate attraction,
is you being warm and soft and receiving and light
and vibrant and free and inviting towards him
and just being present, right?
A man wants to be with a woman to be set free.
If you can be that warm, feminine,
inviting force in the way that you're connecting with him,
in the way that you're showing up, have fun with him,
play with him in the conversation,
that's going to generate attraction.
I'm not saying you can't throw in
some of your accomplishments
along the way to help demonstrate value.
You're welcome to do that, but don't lead with that.
When you do that,
men perceive that and they can perceive it
as trying too hard.
They can pick up on it.
This is something that women don't truly get a lot of times.
Men are much more intuitive
than you give them credit for, okay?
Men can actually pick up on the emotional undertones
of how you're expressing yourself to them.
I know a lot of men who if a woman is trying really hard,
they're going to automatically check out.
If he feels like you're trying to prove yourself
and trying to prove your worth,
that isn't how you demonstrate worth and value to a man.
You don't do it by reading all the things you've done.
You demonstrate worth by being in your power,
by showing up grounded,
unapologetic in ownership of the woman that you are.
You don't need to say or do anything
to prove yourself to him.
Just by virtue of who you are, how you're showing up.
How you're holding yourself,
how you're connecting with him
and being in your feminine power,
being in that embodied feminine space.
That's how you show a man that you are high value.
That's how you create an experience with a man.
That's how you create attraction with a man.
All you're doing when you show up to a date
and you're sitting here telling him
about all the great things that you've done
and you're doing and that you're going to do
and have you ever tried these things?
You're operating from that space
is that you're pushing him away.
You're killing the magnetism
and the masculine-feminine dynamic of the relationship.
You're not putting yourself in the best chance
to generate that electrifying attraction
that's going to create a great fun experience
for both of you and give you the best chance
of getting another date.
Just to bring this whole thing back home,
don't read a man your resume.
Don't try to prove yourself to him.
Show up to a date as though you have nothing to prove
because you don't.
You're worthy of a loving, powerful, supportive relationship
just by virtue of who you are.
You're worthy of being seen and cherished and celebrated
just by virtue of the rating
and feminine being that you are.
You don't have to prove anything to anybody.
Show up, be yourself.
Be in your magnetic feminine space, connect with him,
be present, be light, be inviting,
create an experience with him
and see where it goes from there.
That's how you create amazing attraction.
I hope you enjoyed this video.
If you did, take a second,
hit that little subscribe button
and I will see you next time on my YouTube channel.
Bye-bye.