Are You Feeling Stuck?
Are you feeling stuck in a rut?
Bored?
Restless?
Do you feel as though the passion is gone from your everyday life, and now you’re
simply going through the motions as if you were stuck on autopilot?
Maybe you’re not at the level of success that you’d like to be, or you’re just
waiting for that bolt of inspiration to strike and tell you what you need to do in order
to change your life for the better.
Well, we here at Bestie might not be able to offer anything quite that dramatic, but
what we can provide are some potentially useful tips and strategies on how to get unstuck
in your day to day life and make some much-needed changes to your mindset.
Before we begin, we’d like to suggest that you subscribe to Bestie to stay on top of
our daily content, and click the notification bell to make sure that you never miss a video.
When we’re feeling stuck in life, it might feel as though the most obvious solution to
find some radical new way to change your life.
It’s time to get a new job, or go on vacation, or make some other massive change to your
everyday life and lifestyle that will hopefully reignite that spark of passion inside you.
However, while seeking out these new sources of inspiration can be helpful, the help they
provide doesn’t always last, and you may be surprised to learn that the reason for
that might have more to do with your mindset than your situation.
According to author and licensed social worker Robert Taibbi, your reasons for feeling stuck
might stem from the fact that we tend to focus on the content of our lives, rather than the
process that brings us there.
By placing a greater emphasis on the process, we can potentially change our way of thinking
about our own lives and strive towards a happier and more content mindset overall.
So what exactly is the difference between “content” and “process”, anyway?
According to Taibbi, “content” and “process” are the two categories of communication classified
by the field of therapy.
In communication, content refers to the facts, nouns and things being discussed; basically,
content is the “what” of the conversation.
“Process”, on the other hand, refers not to these topics themselves, but rather how
we discuss or address them.
As Taibbi puts it: “ A waterfall = content.
The water is falling = process”.
To cite another example that Taibbi uses, imagine a couple that gets into an argument
about how much money they should be spending on groceries.
In this argument, the “content” is the facts and information about the situation
at hand; maybe one of the spouses is using their partner’s most recent receipt at the
story as an example of unnecessary spending, or one of them is upset amount the amount
of money owed on their most recent credit card statement.
Taibbi points out that we are typically trained to zero in on the content of a discussion,
especially in situations that cause emotional distress.
In the case of the grocery argument, both spouses feel as though they need to convince
their partner that they are in the right, and they believe they can achieve this by
finding the right content that will change their mind.
In this situation, neither of them are stopping to consider how the information from their
side of the argument can be presented, or whether there’s a way to have this discussion
in a more productive or collaborative manner.
Instead, the emotional part of your brain tells you that the only true solution is just
to find the right content, and once you do, everything will fall into place.
However, by only addressing the content and not the process-- the “what”, but not
the “how”-- these solutions are only temporary fixes and won’t do anything to prevent future
conflicts from arising.
Similarly, when we are feeling stuck in a rut, the mindset of prioritizing content over
the process, the same problems can arise.
If you are bored and dissatisfied with your job, it might feel as though your solution
is to quit and find a new one that you have more passion for.
And in some cases, that might prove to be just what you needed, but what happens if,
after a few weeks or months, you start to feel the same way about your new job as well?
In many conditions that affect our mental health, many problems can arise as a result
of ignoring the process and focusing solely on the content.
If you happen to be a frequent worrier, is it because you simply have more to worry about
than the average person, or could the problem potentially lie within your worrying process
itself and the way you respond to the things that cause worry?
If you are feeling trapped or stuck in a rut, is the problem only related to the situation
that you find yourself stuck in, or is the way you respond to that situation also to
blame?
If you frequently struggle with managing feelings of anger or stress, then that means that even
when the subject of your anger changes, the fact that you have difficulty with anger itself
stays the same.
In these cases, it becomes apparent that there might be more layers to a problem than what
you might initially perceive, and in order to fix these problems, you might need to keep
peeling back these layers until you find and address the root cause of the problem.
So, with all of this in mind, how can you change your life in a way that addresses both
the content and the process of your problems, and gets you unstuck from your current situation
in life?
Taibbi suggests that in order to do this, you need to change the way you perceive and
respond to the situations that negatively impact your emotions, and begin making changes
and paradigm shifts that can move you towards running your life in a way you want it to
be run.
Firstly, begin focusing on what you want out of life, as opposed to trying to build your
life around a set of rules and things that you think you “should” have.
According to Taibbi, one of the things that can drive a developmental crisis is this mindset
of viewing life as a checklist, leading to stress, anxiety or depression when the success
you think you should have at your current stage doesn’t always arrive “on time”
or when you think it should.
Instead of focusing on the things that you think you “should” have, try to instead
focus on the things you want instead, and take steps to strive toward those wants.
Another detriment that can lead to you feeling stuck is an inability to handle confrontation.
When you live in fear of the reactions or emotional responses that come from a confrontation
with other, you may find yourself becoming overly passive and accommodating, even at
the expense of your own personal wants, needs and desires.
One of the ways in which you can change your life for the better is to learn how to tolerate
and manage confrontation in an assertive but healthy manner, which can potentially help
you to stop putting the wants and needs of others ahead of your own.
During these periods of confrontation with others, you should also be mindful of your
own emotions and learn how to better regulate them, so as not to damage your relationships
with loved ones, coworkers, and other important people in your life.
Regulating your emotions properly will also help prevent you from derailing yourself by
making poor decisions that were motivated by negative emotions.
When you find yourself feeling stuck, another thing to consider is your priorities.
When feeling stuck in a rut, it can be easy to fall back into a routine in which we live
our lives on autopilot.
If you want to start living happier and with more passion, you might want to take a step
back and re-evaluate your priorities in order to break the cycle of that routine.
By resetting your priorities, you can start taking steps towards personal wants and needs
that may have gone previously ignored, and further your personal growth by being both
aware of and honest about what you want to get out of life.
Finally, one key strategy you can put into effect to get out of a rut is to let go of
past mistakes and seek closure for them.
When something happens in your life that you regret, it can be tempting to replay that
memory over and over in your mind, thinking about what could have gone differently.
Try to remember that the past is in the past, and dwelling on these past experiences will
do nothing to change your life in the present.
Instead, look for healthy ways to get closure and let go of these negative memories, and
shift your focus towards the present instead.
Feeling stuck or unable to progress in life is a common thing that many individuals experience.
When we look for the right inspiration to solve these problems and feelings of stagnation,
our efforts can sometimes end up as misguided, because we end up focusing on the content
of our problems rather than the process of how we go about dealing with them.
By placing a greater amount of focus and emphasis on the process, we can identify the real causes
behind why we’re feeling this way, and potentially find ways in order to improve our situation
in ways that aren’t only short-term foxes.
Have you ever found yourself feeling stuck in your current situation?
Do you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and experiences with others?
If you do, we encourage you to keep the discussion going in the comment section below this video.
If you have any personal tips, techniques or strategies that you have found particularly
useful in these situations, we’d love to hear those as well, so don’t be afraid
to share.