- We're in quarantine,
and apparently they were in quarantine on "Scrubs" also,
and I haven't watched an episode
of "Scrubs" in quite some time.
Let's watch it right now.
I'll explain this in a bit.
Pew!
- Before I settled on the outfit
for my first date with Kylie,
I had to run it by the experts.
So be honest, but not too honest, okay,
cause I'm feeling a little chunky.
- My man is wearing a red t-shirt
underneath a white dress shirt,
untucked, with a blazer on top.
He's like combining three styles, maybe four, into one.
It's a solid no for me.
- [Elliot] Whoa.
- Short sleeve shirt under a blazer.
Why?
Oh!
- Happy birthday Laverne.
- Thanks Carla.
- Did your brother make you face cake?
- Sure did.
- [Carla] Wow.
- Think I could have a piece of that face cake?
- I heard there's a face cake.
- [Crowd] Face cake, I heard it.
- I don't know what it is with hospitals,
we love bringing unhealthy treats and snacks
to our staff lounges.
I don't get it.
Like I know we probably stress eat
more than most professions,
but the fact that we have the unhealthiest stuff
when we're supposed to be examples of health.
We do it sometimes in good comradery to celebrate birthdays,
but then there's like a birthday every other day
which means Philly fluff.
If you don't know what a Philly fluff cake is,
you're missing out.
And you're probably healthy.
- Thanks for the shirt Lonnie.
- Are you doing this because I forgot to shave this morning?
- What is going on?
Why is he wearing the name tag on his nip?
- So, what's wrong with this guy?
- Well let's see, fatigue, fever, malaise.
Have you been to Hong Kong, sir?
- I don't know if this is going
in a medically accurate direction.
And on top of it, who's gonna take up
a patient's chart and just start reading it
with a random, non-hospital employee.
Although maybe she works at a hospital, I don't know.
And gone are the days of the chart sitting
at the patient's bedside, cause people walk around there,
and health information is a protected asset.
- Could be SARS.
- Severe acute respiratory syndrome,
and now with COVID-19,
we're facing SARS-COV-2.
In the beginning, actually, when the
International Taxonomy of Viruses,
the organization that names all the viruses,
named it SARS-COV-2, I was so confused why
they chose to go with that instead of COVID-19,
and then it hit me, COVID-19 was actually
the name of the disease caused by SARS-COV-2,
and SARS-COV-2 actually has a meaning
of SARS Coronavirus two, because it was the second one
after the initial SARS.
- [Alarm Voice] Doctor suspects SARS,
that's cause for immediate quarantine lock down.
- But why did he suspect SARS?
I mean, the patient had what?
Fatigue, malaise, basically not feeling good,
and like a fever or something?
That fits 10,000 if not 100,000 different illnesses.
And FYI, when we do isolations or quarantines,
that's not how we do them.
We don't have metal doors dropping
and alarms ringing like that,
it's a lot more controlled,
it's a lot smarter,
because different illnesses require
different types of precautions.
Initially with COVID-19,
we were doing just droplet and contact precaution,
but then as we became worried about aerosolized particles,
some hospitals went to airborne precautions,
that required a negative pressure air room for patients
who were admitted with the illness.
That's why it was very difficult
on hospitals to manage all these patients.
It's a novel virus, we were learning as we went.
Like imagine, normally we're treating patients
with already existing knowledge of an illness.
Now we were treating patients and learning at the same time.
It's not an ideal scenario for ideal outcomes.
- What have you done, newbie?
- Quarantinis anyone?
(loud laughing)
- She said, "Quarantinis."
That's funny.
- Unfortunately, by hospital policy,
we have to stay locked down
until the labs come back,
and that's going to take several hours.
So let's hang in there,
and not forget this is all Dr. Dorian's fault.
(soft chuckling)
- We are short handed,
there are only four doctors here.
- I counted more than that.
- I'm talking legitimate doctors, turtle head.
Here, pee pants is a pathologist, so he doesn't count.
Johnson is a dermatologist, which is Greek for fake doctor.
(loud laughing)
- Oh my God, he said "Dermatologist
"is Greek for fake doctor."
I can only imagine how a dermatologist or pathologist
feels when they're on an airplane and someone says
is there a doctor on board and they volunteer.
There's no way they know what to do,
unless they're fresh out of residency
and they just got some training,
but otherwise, like if you're seeing skin conditions
all the time, or you're looking at slides,
how do you know how to handle anaphylaxis
in the air without an EpiPen, or an Epi auto injector?
By the way, we're gonna have a dermatologist
on very soon, and not to critique
my horrible SPF situation here.
Please don't judge me.
I know it's embarrassing.
I didn't apply the SPF correctly.
I don't know how I did it so poorly, but look at this.
- I'm bored, I'm a surgeon and there's no surgery.
- Why do you think I brought you in here?
- Oh my God, that rhythm on the monitor.
I don't understand,
they have all of this equipment,
they have medical aids,
but what is going on on their monitors?
The rhythms that are being shown
looks like the patient is literally coding as we speak,
I don't understand.
Just show a proper rhythm.
- The only thing I detest more than treating patients
is treating patients on an empty stomach.
I'm famished.
- You've been in here for eight minutes.
- I haven't eaten since yesterday.
I've been starving myself because
I was going to a steak house tonight.
It was just gonna be me, a 24 ounce porter house,
and a fist full of blood thinners.
- This is, like, the exact opposite of the
chief of family medicine that I worked with.
Well he's technically the family medicine program director,
Dr. Joseph Tribuna.
He will starve himself for 10 days if he has to
in order to make sure his patients are taken care of.
I have never seen an attending who during rounds
will not only make sure that they're getting
the diagnosis right, their patients taken care of,
all of that, but then also they'll,
he would literally open a patient's food for them,
help them eat it.
Like no job was too big or too small
to make sure that the patient was comfortable.
(soft thunder) Whoa.
- So how's it going for Kylie?
- There was nothing exciting going on.
This sucks!
I need to look like a stud,
and a doctor can't look like a stud
unless he's saving somebody's life.
I need somebody to have a heart attack.
- Got $20?
- Come on Steve, stay with me buddy.
You're not getting this one!
- Oh my God!
What are you doing?
I mean, I know it's fake.
But it's too fake.
It's a fake within a fake.
It's a show that's poorly medically acted
on top of a fake person having a fake heart attack.
Okay, there's too many fakes.
- Could you make your face a little bit redder buddy?
Come on. - I want more money.
- What?
- $50 or I tell the girl.
- I don't have it.
- Get it.
- Elliot, I need another doctor over here, stat.
(chuckling)
- He said, "I need another doctor stat."
- Do you have $30.
- I gave you 20, I'm tapped.
Ask Johnson, he's loaded.
- I need a dermatologist over here, stat!
(laughing loudly)
- Look how these chest compressions are so bad.
- Time to shine.
What do you need?
Is it a rash?
(coughing) - "Is it a rash?"
- Look, I need this guy faked a heart attack.
He wants $50, we only have 20.
- You know, I feel like you guys
just use me for my money.
- You have a trust fund, now give me the money.
- Ah!
(machine beeping)
- Clear!
- I'm alive!
- Stop shocking people who's hearts
are beating normally, please.
This happens too often on these shows.
At least it's comedic here.
And by the way with this heart attack,
if someone has a heart attack,
you don't just run and start doing chest compressions
if they're breathing and have a pulse.
The chest compressions are for when a heart stops.
Literally, so the heart's not beating,
you're doing chest compressions to simulate a heart beat.
Like, even if you do chest compressions perfectly,
you're still only moving the blood,
circulating the blood, at about 20%
of the efficiency that the heart would do it normally.
So no, if someone has a heart attack,
you don't just start doing chest compressions,
and you certainly don't just shock them out of no where.
The main thing you wanna do when someone's
having a heart attack is to open up their arteries
that are currently blocked.
And there's multiple ways we do it,
stints, there's procedures, medications,
and a lot of the times, it's very time sensitive.
Actually there's something know as door-to-balloon time,
which is like when you come in with the first signs
of a heart attack, we know,
we have to get you in that cath lab
to open up your blocked artery,
or otherwise cardiac tissue is gonna die,
and some of the damage could be permanent.
- Seeing you in your element today,
you seem so-- - [J.D.] Here it comes.
Sexy.
- Genuine.
- [J.D.] She would have said sexy if I had a mustache.
- You know, James lied all the time,
and I don't know, it's just nice
to be with a guy I can trust.
- Trust is the foundation of any good relationship.
Spousal or otherwise.
Work or otherwise.
Friendship or otherwise.
Doctor or patient, or otherwise.
I don't know anymore.
- Laverne, I bet you're tempted to break open
that face cake and just tear it apart.
- No one's touching this.
- Oh I don't care, I'm not even hungry.
- Why is it called face cake?
Why is it called
(slow audio) face cake?
Someone explain it to me.
- Hi Glen.
- [Both] Hey.
- I'm Glen. - I'm Glen.
Look, let's not go down that road again.
- Why is his ID like floating on his chest?
Do you guys see that?
- I don't understand why Carla
didn't tell me about you guys?
- Is it just me or in "Scrubs" they always have
conversations over patients that are comatose?
Just go into a meeting room.
There's so many empty rooms.
Why do you have to do it over a patient's body?
- The lab results are back and there is no SARS.
The quarantine is over.
- I just wanna know why they thought
it was SARS in the first place,
why they had to quarantine the entire department,
why didn't they just do a flu swab
and a respiratory panel right away?
Get some quick results,
find out that it's RSV and just go about their merry way.
Instead they order a complicated test that takes--
All right, it's a show, I get it.
Check out this House MD episode
about a quarantine, or, these crazy Facebook health posts,
are they even real?
What?
As always, stay happy and healthy.
But which one you clicking on?
(upbeat music)