[Ryan] ...so we got tickets and packed everything up and flew overseas... you know what I'm
saying now? *laughs* Nope. *laughs*
[Ryan] Hi, we're Ryan and Selena Frederick. [Selena] We're the founders of Fierce Marriage
and we've been married 15 years. We don't know everything about marriage,
but what we do know we like to share openly and honestly. [Ryan] I have no idea what she's going to say.
Is this supposed to be funny? [Selena] Okay, look at him? So I saw him in seventh grade and he was
a sight to behold. No, he was a guitar-playing, Nirvana/Pearl Jam/grunge kind
of guy. He had the baggy pants, the bleached hair, braces, not the guy that I
would, I don't know, picture liking as a high schooler or middle schooler.
[Ryan] I visited Selena's school in eighth grade. My mom was going to be, she was
interviewing for a job at this Christian high school slash middle school that she
was at and I was not an outgoing kid at all and so I was very shy and so I just
basically wanted to hide in a corner. They hid me off to the corner in the PE
class, of all things, and there she was. Just beautiful. Most beautiful girl I'd
ever seen. My heart dropped through the soles of my shoes and, yeah I just, I
thought, I know I chalked it up to just, you know, pre-teen angst, right? Or just,
you know, puppy love or whatever. But yeah, I don't know, that's when I first saw her
and then I didn't actually go to that school until the next year and then she
was too cool for me. [Selena] I saw him a couple years later, he came back from football camp,
his hair was all one color, and he bulked up
a little bit, lost the baggy pants and started dressing normal.
[Ryan] I just waited. Bided my time. Puberty happened and around 10th grade
we started talking, became friends. [Selena] ...and yeah, I think the first time I really started
noticing him was in our English class. He started speaking up and having these
really authentic, great, intellectual thoughts about, I don't know,
"Dante's Inferno" or something and I realized he was very smart.
*laughs* That sounds really arrogant of me. *laughs* But, yes, and that's when I started to like him
and want to spend more time with him and pursue him [Director] So you guys were high school sweethearts? [Selena] Yes, high school sweethearts.
[Selena] We got engaged over Christmas, actually.
Christmas break during college. He woke me up very early in the morning.
I was staying at my mom's house and he came in with a video camera,
a big old one, we didn't have smartphones then. And he said, 'Wake up! We're going
on airplane somewhere.' And I said 'What are we doing? What? Who are you?'
[Ryan] To be honest I just, I sold, I had a car. I sold my car. I bought an engagement ring and
I bought two tickets to New York City and I woke her up early one morning,
at like 5:00 a.m. She had no idea was happening. Blindfolded her,
took her to the airport, she thought it was just a Christmas thing so she didn't
know what I was doing at all. [Selena] And anyways, he blindfolded me, we got in the car
and went to the airport and then he told me that we were gonna go to New York for Christmas.
And he took me to all these different places. We started out at
St. Patrick's Cathedral and he talked to me about how he just wanted everything in
our relationship to start with God and to be God-centered [Ryan] ...then the next one is,
I wanted her to know that I'd always treat her extravagantly,
extravagant love. So I took her to this place, I went to Tiffany's in New York.
I saved up for the cheapest thing they had... you know what I'm saying now? *laughs*
How'd you...? *laughs* Okay, I went to Tiffany's and bought her a charm bracelet and let her carry
the little blue bag around... [Selena] Of course every college girl wants that bracelet
with the little charm on it, so he got me that and the theme there was to always
be extravagant with each other and generous towards each other and then we
went to Central Park, of course. [Ryan] ...are you trying to read my lips? *laughs* You're funny. Then
after that, I think this is the order but I might be messing it up, and then
wanted her... I wanted to have something that reminded us to always look at the
beauty in the middle of the chaos. So I took her to Central Park and we went for
a walk there. [Selena] All along I'm thinking this might be a proposal, but it might not
and I don't want to be like [sarcastic] 'Oh thanks a for this trip to New York and all these fun adventures.'
I mean it's got to be, if there's not a proposal, I didn't want to
be ungrateful. So then we went to the... [Ryan] Empire State Building, because the
symbolism there was that together we'll go higher. All right, cheesy, but that's what I said.
We went to the top and we were looking
around and I had the ring. I had to smuggle it through the metal detectors.
The security guards were really helpful. [Selena] ...then he got down on one knee and proposed on top of the Empire State
building and I said 'yes,' of course and here we are 15 years later.
[Selena] The hardest thing that we've had to deal with in our marriage was probably when
he almost died in the first... err, in our second year of marriage. He went to
Europe, following sort of my passions and my dreams, and he came as a tag-along hire
and was trying to support that and... [Ryan] I was hired as a tag-along hire for this farm
that we were working on and I was building stalls and mucking stalls and
doing all this really dirty work... [Selena] ...he was just very sick the whole time, and we
didn't know what was going on and I assumed that it was just a sickness of
the flu, but it was something deeper and something inside of his heart, it was a
bacterial infection and he almost died. [Ryan] But, by the grace of God, a doctor that
I'd been seeing was out and I went to this clinic where I had been going to
get treated and they saw it with fresh eyes and they said 'There's something really wrong.
Let me listen to your heart.' So he listened to my heart and could tell that something
was going wrong and he looked at me and he listened again and looked at me
a second time. He said, 'We got to get you to the hospital. This is an emergency,
something's terribly wrong with your heart. And I said, 'Well, how much is that
gonna cost?' And he looked at me and he said, 'Hey, it's either that or your life,
so you choose.' Turns out I had an infection on my mitral valve, they found
it right after I went to the main hospital.
Took a week to figure out how to treat it, but they couldn't. So I had to have open-heart
surgery... [Selena] ...and so having to come to grips with that as a young person,
as young married person and the aftermath of that, of dealing with emotions of 'How could
God let this happen?' [Ryan] Anesthesia does something to a person.
It changes your personality, changes how you think. Being under for that long,
I was a big jerk. I was really mean. Really angry at God,
angry at the situation, angry at her for no good reason, just angry and she would,
you know, that was really hard on us and God graciously brought us through it.
[Selena] I don't think I knew the weight of it at the time, but looking back and where God
has brought us now, I would absolutely say that that was probably the hardest
thing that we've had to walk through.
[Ryan] It's not what you think. *laughs* Laughing is... you make me laugh like no one else. But my
favorite thing about you, and I've told you this even when we were dating, is
that you call to mind beauty unlike anyone I've ever spoken with. Whether
it's a sunset or a certain scenic... thing. *laughs* Anywhere, you always see
beauty in a situation, particularly in nature. When we're out for a walk or we're
visiting a new place, you always remind me that God is a God of beauty and
He's a creative God and he has made this wonderful place for us to live in and
it's by His grace that we experience it with our eyes and our ears and our senses.
And you always remind me of that. Primarily because you're so beautiful...
[Selena] ...stop. [Ryan] ...but you point me to beauty everywhere.
[Selena] I think one of the... of course you make me laugh. Oh, by far you make me laugh
harder than anybody. But I think the thing that I don't always love in the
moment about you but very much love after the fact is how you might push me
beyond what I'm comfortable with or what I really want to do or what scares me.
But you have this confidence and assurance, knowing like, I feel like
you lead me well in that area. You're a good leader for our family and you know
and see and you're teaching me to trust. I think God is teaching me to trust even
more through you, you know, and through our relationship. So, you know, silly
things like cliff diving or something like that, you know, I may not feel
comfortable doing it, but you're like 'You can do it!' Like, you just have these
little ways of pushing me into to new things that I may not appreciate but
then once I'm in them and, you know this about me, and I'm doing it and I'm
enjoying it and, you know, we're thriving in it or whatever it's... I'm always so
grateful and appreciative that you said 'Take that step. You can do it. You should do it.'