- Hi everyone, I'm Tam
and I've been living inside of a condom
for the past whole life of mine.
There's many movies, classic movies,
that I never got to see, one of them being Die Hard.
So many of my friends keep talking about
how it's such a classic Christmas movie,
they keep saying "Yippee kai-yay, mothafuckas" to me
and I don't know what reference that's from.
I'm about to watch it
and you're gonna watch it with me.
Wait, is that Bruce Willis?
Oh, nevermind.
Worst gift ever, don't gift me that large bear.
Ooh, Alan Rickman!
Ugh, what's wrong with that girl's face?
Like, would you think that Bruce Willis
was already balding here?
That's like pretty developed for the times.
What was this, the 90s or 80s, I have no idea.
What do you mean "Get off when you hear the noise"?
You have to press a, a button.
Ooh, it's like a porn.
Oooh, coke!
Dude, he's so coked out, I love it.
Aww, what's he gonna wash, his balls in the bathroom?
Too far, Pomona, please!
Also, you're a hunky piece of beef, Bruce.
That guy's scary as fuck.
Aah!
Here's a yo-yo!
That guy's so confident, like I want
to be that confident my whole life.
What is happening right now?
Jesus!
Ah, he's doing that thing.
Why is there carpet in the bathroom?
That's awful.
That guy has bangs, too, by the way.
Nein!
Argyle's about to suck the bear's dick.
Oh my God, her tits are out!
(speaking foreign language)
Fuck yeah, he's barefoot.
This guy's gonna save the whole party
while he's barefoot.
He fuckin' moves like a panther.
He's like a ballerina holding a gun.
Are those bodies or furniture?
Oh.
Oh, that's Alan Rickman!
Whoa, I just realized that.
He's the guy from Harry Potter.
I love this movie already so much.
Of course!
Of course, they're robbers, guys, thieves.
What are you doing?
Please, you're embarrassing yourself.
Like, save some someone.
The code.
Aah!
Oh my God, he just killed Takagi!
(sighs deeply)
Who's that, another blonde guy?
There's like 15 blonde guys in this crew.
This man has too many problems.
"Nein, I'm too blonde." (laughs)
Dude, I want to kill someone while wearing a backpack.
(laughing)
Is he dead?
No! (laughs)
"Hmm, let me put these goggles on."
Whoa, they're easy to open.
That feeling when Takagi died.
Ho-ho-ho. (laughs)
I feel like he doesn't need to do any of this.
He could just go up the stairs.
Ooh, titties.
"Aah, my brother's dead!"
Shut the fuck up, bitch.
This movie's like full of stupid people.
And, but then like really smart people too.
Century City, so cool!
Are you kidding?
This is crazy.
Aaah!
How much is gas?
74 cents, oh my God!
I like know his feet more than any foot.
That classic line!
"Have a few laughs, get together."
Shoot him in the face!
Shoot him in the face.
Oh, he's getting out.
Oh, no.
Send us your biggest loser cop
that knows nothing about being a cop.
(sighs)
I'm nervous.
Aaaaah!
Oh my God, he shot him in the dick for sure.
Jesus!
Did this win, like an Oscar?
It should.
Have.
Like, Theo's wearing too many hats right now.
He's doing way too much.
Mm, I want a cigarette.
La la la la.
Oooh, a plan is comin'!
Dude, Argyle, wake the fuck up.
Please kill that man.
Like now, get rid of him.
This is so sweet.
I keep thinking he calls him his pal
but his last name is Powell.
This movie makes me want to smoke 80,000 cigarettes.
Wow, look, Raisinettes, Planters, what other goodies?
He's gonna grab a snack.
He's gonna grab a snack!
Ah ha ha ha ha haaa! (laughing)
That's a bazooka.
Whoa!
I'm tired for this man.
Uhhhh...
I love this movie!
Ugh.
Ooh, look at that hairy neck, I love it.
(gasps)
Kill him.
Thank you.
Wait, is his accent gone?
Uh, what the fuck is going on?
This movie is about how great it is to smoke cigarettes.
I want a cigarette.
They need to hook up.
Dude, they're wearing wigs!
Or, no, nevermind.
What is going on with them talking about terrorism?
Like, things are so different now.
Ugh, I'm so sad.
Ew ew ew ew ew ew, eeewwww!
Show feet, sweetie, show feet, aah haha!
On top of it it's Christmas, my fucking God.
Pack up all those jewelries!
Mmm mm mm mm.
Whoa, what's that?
They're like the original dollars from the founding fathers.
That guy has really bad skin.
Oh my God. (laughs)
I feel like I'm watching The Passion of the Christ.
Oh my God, he looks like shit.
Bruce Willis, if you're watching this, call me, I love you.
I miss my mom.
That looks like a fun party.
(yawns)
At this point, I'd just be like "Kill my wife."
No fucking way right now.
Uh, what?
Mmm mm mm mm.
They're still in love
even though he didn't accept her career change.
Oh, he's fucked up.
(laughs) He's wearing like a long sandal.
I'm exhausted.
Expelliarmus!
Oh ho ho!
Please, this hug.
That guy did it.
I hope they have unprotected sex tonight
and they have, they don't have a kid,
they just have unprotected sex.
Which is fun for the couple.
The movie definitely felt like
a Christmas movie at the beginning.
Like, you know, there's Christmas trees and like
it took place at like a Christmas party,
but the reality is, like, it's a full-on horror movie.
The whole thing was like shot shots, you know, and violence.
And like, I loved it.
One thing I have to say about this whole thing is
Bruce Willis, show feet, sweetie!
Also, I'm gonna start smoking cigarettes now.
Merry Christmas, everybody!
I love you!