[ Funk plays ]
[ Cheering and applause ]
[ "Escape (The Piña Colada Song)" plays ]
♪♪
-♪ I was tired of my lady ♪
-Why?
-♪ We'd been together too long ♪
-What was your relationship like?
-♪ Like a worn-out recording ♪
-Of what? Funny animal sounds?
-♪ Of a favorite song ♪
-That makes more sense.
-♪ So while she lay there sleepin' ♪
-What were you doing?
-♪ I read the paper in bed ♪
-Which section? Obituaries?
-♪ And in the personal columns ♪
-What did you read?
-♪ There was this letter I read ♪
-Oh, my crap! What did it say?
-♪ If you like piña coladas ♪
-I do. I love to drink.
-♪ And getting caught in the rain ♪
-Who would like that?
-♪ If you're not into yoga ♪
-I don't exercise.
-♪ If you have half a brain ♪
-I do have half a brain.
-♪ If you like making love at midnight ♪
-Ew, gross.
-♪ In the dunes of the cape ♪
-Wouldn't you get sand in your butt?
-♪ I'm the love that you've looked for ♪
-What? We just met.
-♪ Write to me and escape ♪
-Uh, no, thanks. Hard pass.
♪♪
Did you think about your lady?
-♪ I didn't think about my lady ♪
-Do you know how that sounds?
-♪ I know that sounds kinda mean ♪
-Uh, no doy.
-♪ But me and my old lady ♪
-Wait, is this song about your mom?
-♪ Had fallen into the same routine ♪
-This better not be about your mom.
-♪ So I wrote to the paper ♪
-What'd you take out?
-♪ Took out a personal ad ♪
-Are you somebody's poet, though?
-♪ And though I'm nobody's poet ♪
-Good. Poems suck.
-♪ I thought it wasn't half bad ♪
-This brain is half gone.
-♪ Yes, I like piña coladas ♪
-Same. I love to drink.
-♪ And getting caught in the rain ♪
-That's a bad thing to like.
-♪ I'm not much into health food ♪
-I only eat birthday cake.
-♪ I am into champagne ♪
-I love all the alcohols.
-♪ I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon ♪
-Whoa, someone's horny.
-♪ And cut through all this red tape ♪
-Where you gonna meet? Baskin-Robbins?
-♪ At a bar called O'Malley's ♪
-Big mistake. Baskin-Robbins has cake.
-♪ Where we'll plan our escape ♪
-Oh, it's lunchtime. Let's eat cake together.
Here's cake.
Here, I'll put some on your nose.
Now we're married. We're married now.
You're my new wife. I'm pregnant with your child.
♪♪
-♪ So I waited with high hopes ♪
-Did she walk in the place?
-♪ Then she walked in the place ♪
-I knew she'd walk in the place.
-♪ I knew her smile in an instant ♪
-I'm so glad she walked in the place.
-♪ I knew the curve of her face ♪
-Walking in the place rocks.
-♪ It was my own lovely lady ♪
-Is this song still about your mom?
-♪ She said, "Oh, it's you" ♪
-I'll just assume it's not about your mom.
-♪ And we laughed for a moment ♪
-And what did you say?
-♪ And I said, "I never knew" ♪
-[ Laughs ] Classic quote.
-♪ That you like piña coladas ♪
-Oh, there was more to the quote.
-♪ Getting caught in the rain ♪
-Why do you like that?
-♪ And the feel of the ocean ♪
-Why do you love getting wet?
-♪ And the taste of champagne ♪
-What is this song?
-♪ If you like making love at midnight ♪
-Why does this song exist?
-♪ In the dunes of the cape ♪
-Just call it a beach.
-♪ You're the lady I've looked for ♪
-I'm not a lady. It's just my hair.
-♪ Come with me and escape ♪
-What is existence? Why are we here?
Why do humans have consciousness but no other animals do?
Come on, new wife. Let's dance.
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-Now, you've been in some movies
and would you say that you know a lot about movies?
-I would say
modestly, I know everything about every movie ever made.
[ Laughter ] -That's very modest.
Now, do you think you know enough about movies
that you'd be able to summarize them
in just 5 seconds?
-Yeah. -Well, let's give it a shot.
It's time to play a game called 5-Second Summaries.
♪♪ [ Cheering and applause ]
♪ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5-Second ♪
♪ Summaries ♪
-Alright, here's how the game works.
I have a stack of cards right here.
Each card has a movie title on it.
As soon as you look at the card, you have 5 seconds
to describe the plot of the movie the best you can
and try to make me guess which movie it is.
-Okay. -Okay? You can't use any words in the title.
You can't say any of the actors' names.
-No actors' names, no words in the title.
-Just describing the plot of the movie
-Okay. -in 5 seconds.
-And what are we playing for?
[ Laughter ]
-Uh,
10 Sambergers.
[ Laughter ]
-I think I could probably get a good deal.
[ Laughter ]
-Zuckerbergers.
-Zuckerbergers, what are those?
-Does he have a burger?
-It would just be like smushed in a laptop?
[ Laughter and applause ]
-More of a Cuban sandwich.
Alright, you're up first.
Let's put 5 seconds on the clock.
-Alright, this is me? -Yep, it's you.
-Okay. -First card's you.
-Okay. So, the clock starts when I pick this up and look at it,
or I look at it and then I start?
-Pick it up, look at it, then the clock starts.
[ Laughter ]
-I'm not going to look at it. You are it.
-Alright. -Or the clock.
-Alright. -Yep.
-Here we go! -That's right.
-Hup!
Uh, this was a relationship via the Internet.
[ Buzzer ] In the '90s.
[ Laughter ] -Uh...
"Basic Instinct"? I have no idea.
[ Laughter ] [ Buzzer ]
I didn't see that one, either. -If it was "Basic Instinct,"
I would've just gone like that.
[ Laughter ] -Oh, hey, whoa! Alright.
-What? -I didn't know it. [ Laughs ]
[ Cheering and applause ]
What was it?
-"You've Got Mail."
Oh, "You've Got Mail." I forgot about that one.
-Relationship via the Internet. -That was a great one.
[ Laughter ] -Oh, ready?
Uh, Black guy, white guy, aliens, sunglasses, suits.
-"Independence Day." Uh, uh,
[ Snaps fingers ] "Men in Black." -Yes! That's it.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheering, whistling, and applause ]
-I just watched "Independence Day."
-Same plot. -And there is a white guy
and a Black guy and aliens. -The same plot.
[ Laughter ]
Both the movies have the same plot.
Alright, good. Wait. Now,
this round, to make it a little tougher,
we only have 3 seconds.
-Why? -Yes, because you need
to put people on edge.
-I'm already all the way on edge.
-Gotta keep the viewers, Andy.
Ready? 3 seconds. -If I was any more on edge,
I'd be Bono. Almost.
[ Laughter and applause ] It almost works.
[ Rimshot ]
-No, no, Bono is never on The Edge.
-If they were lovers.
I should've said if they were lovers.
-The whole thing, it's a very complicated premise.
-[ Surfer voice ] You don't know they're not lovers, dude.
[ Laughter ]
-[ Same surfer voice ] You never know, man.
-Open your mind, Jimmy.
-Are you the one on the tour bus?
You're the one that goes -Maybe they are.
on tour with them?
-They might've had a tryst -- Rattle & Hum Tour.
[ Laughter ] -Yeah. Which one rattled?
-Which one hummed?
-Alright.
[ Laughter and applause ]
3 seconds! Will be on the clock.
-Those guys don't pronounce "T's".
[ Surfer voice ] Ra'le & Hum 'our.
-[ Mumbling ]
-Alright, here we go.
[ Laughter ] 3 seconds on the clock.
-Yeah. -The impossible game,
for burgers that will never be bought.
[ Laughter ] -I will. I'll buy them.
I promise. -I'm never going to eat 10 burgers.
Alright, here we go! Hup!
"This plane is going down!"
[ Buzzer ] -Nicolas Cage, some time of a --
one of those things where the plane's going down.
[ Laughter ] Oh, wait, uh, uh,
"Con Air"! -Yes!
[ Ding ] [ Rimshot ]
[ Cheering and applause ]
-[ Laughs, drums ]
-Wait. -That was good.
-Wait. Should I have been happy,
or should I have been bummed?
-You're happy. -If I wanted the burgers.
-Either way, you're going to get the burgers, alright?
[ Laughter ] -That's not the point, man!
-I know. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, okay, ready?
You should've been bummed, probably. -It's martial law with this game.
-Yeah. Here we go. Ready? 3 seconds.
-[ As Stallone ] Tell you what -- we'll get --
[ As Schwarzenegger ] Get those explosions
in the -- [ Laughter ]
-Uh,
"Expendables"? [ Ding ] -Yeah!
[ Rimshot ] [ Cheering and applause ]
[ Laughter ]
We rooted for each other to win.
[ Laughter ]
-It's the only one they've been in together.
-I don't know. Alright.
Final round, let's put 1 second on the clock.
[ Laughter ]
-You gotta keep people on edge, man.
-Who is this for, 1 second on the clock?
-You gotta keep people on the edge of their seats.
-[ Groans ]
-Riding the line. You gotta ride the line sometimes, my man.
-Is it bad if they're so far
on the edge of their seat that they leave?
[ Laughter ] -They might fall on the floor,
but that's what you want.
-Alright. -Mm-hmm.
-1 second. -1 second.
-If I get this and you guess it,
does that mean I get the burgers?
-I'm going to buy burgers for your crew
at "Brooklyn Nine-Nine." -Oh, snap!
[ Laughter ]
The heat is on.
But do I have to get it for everyone in your show?
-Just play the game!
[ Laughter ]
-You're doing the math in your head, right?
There's a lot of Roots.
[ Laughter ]
There's at least eight Roots, yeah, yeah.
-That's some skrilla scratch, Jimmy.
[ Laughter ]
-"I'm a newlywed, man.
We're saving up."
Alright. -Alright.
Alright, here we go. -Mm-hmm.
-[ Exhales forcefully ]
[ Suspenseful music plays ] Ah, I'm
[ Buzzer ] in the Cheerios!
[ Laughter ]
-Honey Nut Cheerios?
I'm in the Cheerios.
"Honey, I Shrunk the Kids." -Yeah!
[ Cheering and applause ] [ Rimshot ] [ Ding]
♪♪
-You guys have been out, doing all this press for the movie
-Yeah. -and you brought something tonight
that's a surprise for our audience.
-Yes. The Lonely Island
kind of made a little gift for you, actually.
You know, they put you on these press tours,
you go like state to state and you go to colleges
and you do junket days.
And we were like, "We need something
to sort of keep our sparks flying a little,
something exciting to do during the interviews.
So we turned it into a game where
we would try and mention you as much as possible,
without anyone sort of knowing that's what we were doing.
[ Laughter ] Because I knew I was coming here
at the end of everything
and then, I could show it to you, so,
we put it together, hopefully. -Are you kidding me?
This is awesome. -And these are all real.
These are all different interviews.
Each one's different, so.
-I'm freaking out. Alright.
-It's pretty great. -Lonely Island, here.
Check this out.
-When we'd be writing, we'd always say, you know,
It's like Jimmy Fallon always says,
'If you think it, put it in the show.'"
-You know what Jimmy Fallon says.
He always says, "Truth is stranger
than not truth." [ Laughter ]
-It's a weird way of phrasing it, but that's Jimmy.
Jimmy Fallon has a saying, which is,
"Never [bleep] in a volcano."
[ Laughter ] -He always says that. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-You know what Jimmy Fallon says --
'Dress for the job you want.
In track suits."
[ Laughter ] -I haven't heard him say that.
-He says it a lot. He says it a lot.
-Well, Jimmy Fallon always says, "Wavelengths are like Earth --
everybody's on the same one."
[ Laughter ] -Mm.
-I believe it was Jimmy Fallon who said,
"Never look a gift whale in the mouth."
-Yeah. Which we immediately tried to correct him on,
but he was not having it. -Yeah, he was furious, actually.
-Yeah. There's no such thing
as a gift whale. -Mm-hmm.
You know, it's like Jimmy Fallon always says --
"Un elefante no es us perro."
-Classic Jimmy Fallon. [ Laughter ]
-Well, like Jimmy Fallon always says, you know,
"You can't teach a horse to read Braille."
And we try to live by that.
-It's like Jimmy Fallon always says,
Always wear your beanie like a Smurf."
It's like Jimmy Fallon always says,
"Potato, potahto."
-Jimmy Fallon says that?
-El protagonista de la próxima película "Popstar,"
Andy Samberg.
[ Cheering and applause ]
-Yo soy Jimmy Fallon?
[ Cheering and applause ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheering and applause ] -You did it! -Yeah.
-How'd you do that?
How did you do that? You're the best.
[ Rimshot ]
Oh, man. -It made perfect sense in context.
-I'm honored. -In context, it made perfect sense.
[ Laughter ] -I'm honored.
Here's what you tweeted out.
It's you and the writers, working hard on the Emmys.
-Yeah. -That's you, face-down.
You're planking. You're trying to bring the plank back.
[ Laughter ] -Yeah. Well, me
and the Lonely Island guys
decided that we wanted to bring back planking
because it went away too soon, don't you think?
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
It's like a lot of --
-I think it had a good run.
You think it should come back?
-I walk down the street and I'm just looking
at a bunch of floopy cores.
[ Laughter ]
-Floopy cores? -Yeah.
-You want people to plank more.
-More planking, for surely.
-Well, to people that don't know what planking is...
-We could show.
-Show everyone what a plank is. -Okay.
[ Cheering and applause ]
-Do it right there. I'll take this out.
-So you gotta be super firm. -Okay, yeah.
[ Laughter ] -[ Groaning ]
-Oh, my God. Your back okay?
And you're 23 years old.
-Look at that.
-Oh, that's what planking is. -Yeah.
[ Cheering and applause ]
#BringBackPlanking
[ Cheering and applause ]
I thought of something.
I thought of something. -Yeah.
-You want to try a double plank?
-I would love to try that, Jimmy.
[ Cheering and applause ]
I'm not sure what it is, exactly,
but I like the way it sounds,
-I don't know where to -- -so I'm trusting you that it's
going to be great.
Whatever it is will be awesome. -I'm trying to think of where --
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Pretty narrow desk,
but I'm sure you'll figure it out.
[ Cheering and applause ] -[ Laughing ]
-Oh, yeah.
-I weigh a lot.
-You're good.
-Double plank.
-Planking is back!
Planking is back! -#PlankingIsBack
The double plank. Hey, Roots,
you want to try for a triple plank, any of you guys?
[ Cheering ] Want to do it? Roots!
-No, they're not into it.
-Roots! -They're not into it.
-That's alright. They don't want to do it.
Double plank -- never been done on TV before.