- Impeachment.
It's the constitutional way
to swipe left on a president.
(audience laughing)
♪ The magical wonderful road to impeachment ♪
♪ Who knows where it'll go ♪
- That's probably presidential harassment.
- [Female Reporter] President Trump has been accused
of threatening to hold back military aid to the Ukraine
if leaders there failed to investigate
former vice president Joe Biden.
- [Male Reporter] The president pushed eight times
for an investigation into Joe Biden.
At the time of the call, the Trump administration
was withholding $250 million in military aid
to Ukraine that Congress had already approved.
- Yeah, this is huge.
Donald Trump is accused of holding back military aid,
approved by Congress, for Ukraine,
unless they helped him dig up dirt on Joe Biden.
Which, if true, would be devastating.
It's an abuse of power, it's extortion,
and maybe worse of all, it's asking a foreign country
to meddle in America's election.
Which is the one thing that, if you were Donald Trump,
you should stay away from.
(audience laughing)
Right, 'cause they had just beaten the Russia case.
It would be like if the day after Michael Jackson
got acquitted of touching kids
he was like,
"Let's celebrate, slumber party at my house."
(audience laughing)
But the one silver lining of any Trump scandal
is that if you just wait long enough,
eventually, he'll just spill the beans himself.
(audience laughing)
- The conversation I had was largely congratulatory,
was largely corruption, all of the corruption taking place.
Was largely the fact that we don't want our people,
like, Vice President Biden and his son
creating to the corruption already in the Ukraine.
There was no pressure put on them whatsoever,
but there was pressure put on, with respect to, Joe Biden.
What Joe Biden did for his son,
that's something they should be looking at.
(reporters clamoring)
- We all heard that, right?
(audience laughing)
Trump just said there was no pressure,
except for the pressure to get dirt on Biden.
That's the only pressure we're talking about!
(audience laughing)
(chimes ringing)
On Monday, the Ukraine scandal blew up.
On Tuesday. the Democrats opened an impeachment inquiry.
On Wednesday. the transcript of the call came out,
and today the big news
is that the secret whistleblower complaint
that kicked this whole thing off
has finally been released.
- The House Intelligence Committee has just released
the whistleblower complaint.
This is the second paragraph of that complaint
from the whistleblower who says,
"In the course of my official duties,
"I have received information
"from multiple U.S. government officials
"that the President of the United States is using the power
"of his office to solicit interference
"from a foreign country in the 2020 U.S. election."
- That's right.
The whistleblower's complaint has accused the president
of soliciting foreign interference in America's election,
which is really bad for Trump.
What's even worse is that this entire complaint
is only nine pages long
which means people might actually read it.
(audience laughing)
Hell, if it had a few pictures,
Trump himself might even read it.
(audience laughing)
Trump and his defenders are saying
that the whistleblower's account is fake, all right,
because they say that the whistleblower
is basing all of this on secondhand information.
He didn't hear the calls,
and he hasn't seen anything himself.
They also point out that the President of Ukraine himself
said yesterday that he never felt any pressure from Trump.
Although, if you actually watched
the Ukrainian President say it,
you might come up with a different impression.
- [Reporter] President Zelensky,
have you felt any pressure from President Trump
to investigate Joe Biden and Hunter Biden?
- I think you read everything,
so, I think you read text.
I'm sorry, but I don't want to be involved to democratic,
open elections of USA.
No, you hear that we had, I think, good phone call.
It was normal, we spoke about many things and so,
I think when you read it that nobody pushed me, yes.
- In other words, no pressure.
(audience laughing)
- Okay, okay, I don't wanna contradict the president,
but I don't think the translation of that was no pressure.
(audience laughing)
That man seemed like he was under intense pressure.
I mean, he actually said the line,
"I don't wanna get involved."
I mean, that's not a comfortable phrase you ever say
when you're just comfortable.
"How are you feeling?"
"I don't wanna get involved, I'm so comfortable."
(audience laughing)
You can't ask him that question in front of Trump.
It's like asking the hostage,
how he is being treated,
while the kidnapper is right next to him.
(audience laughing)
"Oh, how are they treating me?
"Oh, it's um, it's amazing.
"Last night, they even gave me toilet paper.
"I love it here."
(audience laughing)
The big news today is that the White House
has taken its fight with Congress to the next level,
officially sending word that it will not participate
in any aspect of the impeachment probe,
which is crazy.
Trump can't just decline to participate.
This is not the Vietnam War.
(audience laughing)
And this new tactic, this new tactic
threw everything for a loop.
Because, you see, today was meant to be the big day
when Congress would hear testimony from Gordon Sondland,
ambassador to the EU and Jeff Ross stunt double.
But, just before the C-Span cameras started rolling,
the White House pulled the plug.
- [Reporter] We're following breaking news
this morning and it's moving quickly.
The White House blocking EU ambassador
Gordon Sondland from testifying to Congress
just minutes before he was supposed to appear
on Capitol Hill.
He was set to testify behind closed doors
as part of an ongoing impeachment inquiry
into President Trump,
specifically about his interactions with Ukraine,
Democratic House Intelligence Chairman
calling the move to keep Sondland
from speaking to lawmakers, quote,
"Strong evidence of obstruction."
- At the president's behest,
Sondland pulled out of this impeachment hearing,
which is a big deal.
Because although many people haven't heard
of Gordon Sondland,
it appears that everything Trump wanted from Ukraine
went through him.
- [Reporter] Even before President Trump
spoke to the President of Ukraine,
Gordon Sondland, the US ambassador to the EU
had been pushing the Ukrainians to commit
to investigations Mr. Trump wanted.
- And the reason Congress
is so intent on having Sondland testify,
isn't just because he was at the center
of thia Ukraine scandal, right?
It's also because, he has text messages that show
what was going on behind the scenes.
- [Female Reporter] Text messages given to Congress
show Sondland and another diplomat
discussing a possible link
between investigations and aid to Ukraine.
- [Male Reporter] On September 9th, Bill Taylor,
the top US diplomat to Ukraine, texts
"I think it's crazy to withhold
"security assistance for help with a political campaign."
Sondland responds,
"I believe you are incorrect
"about President Trump's intentions."
"The President has been crystal clear
"no quid pro quo's of any kind."
Adding, "I suggest we stop the back and forth by text"
- [Reporter] Taylor texts Gordon Sondland,
"Are we now saying that security assistance
"and White House Meeting
"are conditioned on investigations?"
Sondland responds, "Call me."
(audience laughing)
- Okay, I don't know if these guys are guilty or not
but you have to admit those texts look hella suspicious.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, because the only time you say stop texting,
let's talk on the phone,
is when something shady is going down, all right?
It's 2019, no one talks on the phone.
The only reason to talk on the phone at all
is to wish your grandmother happy birthday
or to commit crimes.
(audience laughing)
Or to commit crimes with your grandmother
on her birthday.
(audience laughing)
(chimes ringing)
Now, for the first day of the public hearings,
the Democrats chose to call two witnesses:
Bill Taylor, the acting ambassador to Ukraine,
and George Kent, Senior State Department official
and townsperson in a 1950s musical.
- Once I arrived in Kiev, I discovered a weird combination
of encouraging, confusing
and ultimately alarming circumstances.
According to Mr. Morrison,
President Trump did insist that President Zelensky
go to a microphone and say he is opening investigations
of Biden and 2016 election interference.
Ambassador Sondland tried to explain to me that
President Trump is a businessman.
When a businessman is about to sign a cheque
to someone who owes him something,
the businessman asks that person
to pay up before signing the cheque.
I think it's crazy to withhold security assistance
for help with a political campaign.
- What did you mean when you said
you thought it was crazy?
- It was illogical, could not be explained, it was crazy.
- Hmmm.
(audience laughing)
Unexplainable, illogical, crazy.
That's the description
Bill Taylor gave of Trump's actions.
It's also the title of Trump's new memoir.
Same thing, yes.
"it's my full story and it's a coloring book folks.
"You're gonna love it."
(audience laughing)
When it was Congressman Jim Jordan's turn to ask questions,
his big arguments was that
none of this testimony should count
because it was all a game of telephone.
- You weren't on the call, were you?
The president, you didn't listen to President Trump's call
and President Zelensky's call?
- I did not.
- You've never talked with chief of staff, Mulvaney?
- I never did.
- You've never met the president?
- That's correct.
- This is what I can't believe
and you're their star witness.
You're their first witness.
You're the guy. - Mr Jordan.
- You're the guy based on this, based on,
I mean, I've seen church prayer chains
that are easier to understand than this.
- That's a good point.
Good point, Jim Jordan.
These guys don't have first hand knowledge of what
Trump was doing with Ukraine.
So why are they the ones testifying?
I mean, maybe it's because the White House
has blocked all the people
who do have first hand knowledge from testifying.
That's a good point, Trevor.
That's a good point.
Thank you, me.
(audience laughing)
All of today, Jim Jordan's only focus was making it seem
like this entire process was somehow a sham.
But it all backfired
when he tried to turn the focus to the whistleblower.
- Now there is one witness, one witness
that they won't bring in front of us.
They won't bring in front of the American people.
That's the guy who started it all, the whistleblower, nope.
- I'd say to my colleague I'd be glad to have the person
who started it all to come in and testify.
President Trump is welcome to take a seat right there.
(audience laughing)
- This congressional hearing
was filmed in front of a live studio audience.
You know by congress standards,
that was a pretty good slam, yeah.
The only way it could have been better
is if the congressman was like,
"Seriously, President Trump is welcome anytime.
"In fact, I've actually got his invite right here."
And this testimony was a pretty big deal.
Because for the first time the American public heard from
non-partisan officials about how the president
abused his powers for personal gain.
And even though millions of people
have been talking about these hearings,
over on Fox news, their analysis of this impeachment is meh.
(blows raspberries)
- There is not a single person
outside the Washington DC beltway
that gives a damn about what happened today.
It's boring.
- It's a total snooze fest.
- It was kinda boring to watch on television.
- It was really just a huge dud.
- There wasn't anything sexy about it,
there was not some big new piece of information
that came out.
- With Richard Nixon, there was a break-in.
With Bill Clinton, there was sex in the oval office.
- Yeah.
- With Trump, it's a phone call to Ukraine.
- There's no burglary.
There's no break-in.
There's no tapes.
There's no dress.
There's no sex.
- It's not a sexy scandal.
Russia was sexy.
This has no intrigue whatsoever.
- Whoa.
You're saying Trump's impeachment is boring and unsexy?
You know if Trump hears that,
it's gonna piss him off, right?
He's gonna come out like,
"My impeachment will be the most exciting ever.
"I'll break into a hotel
"and best believe I'll jizz all over this dress.
"Don't make me do it.
(audience applauds)
"I'll do it."
(chimes ringing)
- Trevor, this whole thing has me so mad.
Look, if these allegations are true,
then our president,
and forgive me for using the N-word here,
is a complete nincompoop.
(audience laughing)
- Oh, you had me nervous for a second.
Yeah, I agree, I agree.
I think everyone is angry
that the president abused his power like this.
- Okay, take it easy, Maddow.
I'm mad because our dipshit president
can't even get impeached right.
(audience laughing)
He's wasting his one impeachment on taking down Joe Biden.
Joe Biden will take down Joe Biden.
(audience laughs)
The guy's already gaffed himself out of two elections.
Look, when it comes to Biden,
all you have to do is just wait it out
and he'll go away.
You know, he's like a cold or my parole officer.
That guy is so obsessed with me, by the way.
- Actually I think that's legal.
So wait, Desi, you don't think
Trump abused his power?
- No, if anything he didn't abuse it enough.
Look, you only get one impeachment,
you gotta make it count.
Presidents used to understand that.
Andrew Johnson defied Congress.
Richard Nixon had the Saturday Night Massacre.
Bill Clinton got a BJ in the Oval Office.
Head.
Mouth candy.
The old Pacman.
- Pacman?
- Yeah, you know.
(imitates Pacman eating)
(audience laughing)
- Okay, I get it.
I get it.
- Okay, all right.
- I get it.
- Okay.
My point is Trevor, Trump has blown it.
He might get impeached for gossiping on the phone
like a little bitch.
(audience laughing)
(chimes ringing)
- During the impeachment hearings last week,
you may remember we learned about a call at a restaurant
between Trump and an EU ambassador, Gordon Sondland.
Well now, a diplomat who overheard that call
is spilling all the beans to Congress.
- [Reporter] Quote,
"While Ambassador Sondland's phone was
"not on speakerphone,
"I could hear the President's voice
"through the earpiece of the phone.
"I then heard President Trump ask,
'So, he's gonna do the investigation?'
"Ambassador Sondland replied that 'he's gonna do it,'
"adding that President Zelensky will do
"anything you ask him to.
"The president's voice was very loud and recognizable,
"and Ambassador Sondland held the phone away from his ear
"for a period of time."
(audience laughing)
- Yeah, that's right.
David Holmes testified to Congress that he overheard a call
where Trump explicitly asked for Ukraine
to dig up dirt on Joe Biden.
And the diplomat overheard this conversation,
not because Trump was on speakerphone,
but because Trump is a human speakerphone.
(audience laughing)
He's like,
"I'm calling about the criminal conspiracy,
"you know what, I can't hear you.
"Let's switch to speaker.
"I'm calling about the criminal conspiracy."
There are a lot of damning details in this testimony.
But my favorite part,
my favorite part was when
Sondland talked about just how much the President of Ukraine
was willing to help Trump.
- [Reporter] "I heard President Trump then clarify
"Ambassador Sondland was in Ukraine.
"Ambassador Sondland replied, 'yes, he was in Ukraine,'
"and went on to state President Zelensky 'loves your ass.'"
- Oh, okay, Zelensky loves Trump's ass.
(laughs)
A few days ago, Fox news was saying
impeachment wasn't sexy enough.
Now we got ass play.
(hissing)
(audience laughing)
(chimes ringing)
This morning,
impeachment took yet another major step forward,
when Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House
and sober Lucille Bluth,
gathered up all the flags
she could find for a major announcement.
- [Reporter] House Speaker Nancy Pelosi
announcing to the country and to the world
that articles of impeachment
against President Trump will proceed.
Pelosi telling the American people that Trump
has left the US congress with no choice but to move forward.
- Sadly, but with confidence and humility,
with allegiance to our founders,
and a heart full of love for America, today,
I'm asking our chairman to proceed with
articles of impeachment.
- Oh my god, oh my god.
(audience laughing)
Oh my god, they finally proposed articles of impeachment.
I mean, I knew when they reserved that hearing room
that this would be it.
But you never know until it really happens.
Oh my god, I'm so happy for you guys.
And I know this sounds weird,
but I'm actually proud of Donald Trump.
Yeah, because he's getting impeached,
but I didn't think he would make it three years.
I'm not gonna lie.
(audience laughing)
Trump getting this far into his presidency
without being impeached is a lot like
when a dog accidentally drives a car into a tree.
Yeah, the dog crashed, but he made it like eight blocks.
That's impressive.
(audience laughing)
I don't even know how he put it into drive.
He barely knows letters.
(audience laughing)
Now, there was a big debate within the Democratic party
about how many articles of impeachment
to bring against Donald Trump.
But in the end, they decided to strike
with surgical precision.
- President Trump, now facing two charges
as the top Democrats of the key committees
stood together to announce it all this morning.
Abuse of power and obstruction of congress.
- Democrats have decided to narrow the scope
of impeachment to the two articles of impeachment
that they believe are the easiest to prove
and backed up by the most evidence.
- Because we are operating
in a universe where the Republicans are challenging
some of the most basic facts,
Democrats wanna make this case as airtight as possible.
- Yes, only two articles of impeachment.
Abuse of power and obstruction of congress.
Which means the Democrats are showing a lot of restraint.
Because I mean, let's be honest,
Trump has done enough crazy shit
to merit 2,000 articles of impeachment.
Yeah, there was obstruction of justice
from the Mueller report,
using the presidency to enrich his businesses,
the porn star payoffs, flag molestation,
the time he looked directly into an eclipse,
and of course, having Don Junior.
I mean, that's impeachment on its own.
(audience laughing)
So the good news for Trump
is that he's only facing two charges.
Although, in a way, that's also kinda sad for him.
Because Nixon had three articles brought against him,
Bill Clinton had four, and Andrew Johnson had 11.
Which means Trump will have the smallest impeachment
of all time.
(audience laughing)
You know that's gonna make him insecure.
He's gonna be like,
"It's not about the size of impeachment,
"it's about the friction of the conviction."
(audience laughing)
(chimes ringing)
- [Reporter] President Trump set to become
the third president in American history to be impeached.
- This is a moment that will go down in history.
- This will be written about in the history books.
- This is going to go down in the history books.
- The 45th President of the United States got impeached.
(audience cheering)
- Well, you guys might be cheering,
but when Democrats in the House
tried to cheer last night,
Nancy Pelosi shut it down real fast.
- [Reporter] House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi maintaining
control of her caucus with a glance
and a gesture alone at one point yesterday.
- On this vote, the ayes are 230,
the nays are 197.
Present is one.
Article 1 is adopted.
(audience laughing)
- Damn.
Nancy didn't wanna hear any gloating last night.
She killed that celebration quick.
Did you see that?
That kinda look would send a champagne cork
back into the bottle.
That's how intense that was.
They were like pop, whop.
(audience laughing)
So there's no doubt that impeachment will hurt
Trump's legacy bigly.
But it also seems like it's hurting his feelings.
President Trump incensed,
lashing out in a scathing six page letter
to the House Speaker,
calling the impeachment process outlined
by the constitution, an illegal partisan attempted coup.
- He's just fired off a tweet
"Can you believe that I will be impeached
"today by the Radical Left, Do Nothing Democrats,
"and I did nothing wrong!
"A terrible thing.
"Read the transcripts.
"This should never happen to another president again.
"Say a prayer!"
(audience laughing)
- Yo, is it just me or does it seem like Trump
went through all the stages of grief in one tweet?
(audience laughing)
It was like denial.
"I can't believe I'm getting impeached."
Anger.
"I did nothing wrong."
Depression.
"This is a terrible thing."
Acceptance.
"I guess we can only pray."
(audience laughing)
(upbeat music)