- Okay (snorting) okay how about this, okay.
Blisteritos presents, Dad Academy,
graduation, congraduritos, Red Carpet viewing party.
(straws slurping)
- Well it's like funny,
because like we're very different.
- Right.
- It's like, I live to work.
- Exactly and I just wanna have an amazing life,
like that's just me, on myself.
- Okay that's great, well you know,
it's my point is it's not just people that get cancer,
dogs get it too.
- Oh my god, I love dogs.
- I love dog-- - And I wanna raise
awareness for that.
That's what my charity is for.
I hear you two are the best.
- Oh my god, I have an amazing idea.
- Okay
- Pirate Girl rum presents,
a rockin beach bash to benefit cupcakes for canine cancer.
- That's cute.
- Super cute.
- And my new rescue dog, Brad
can totally walk the red carpet!
I found him in the trash.
- He's gross.
- Yes he is, he's disgusting.
- I just want it to be tasteful.
- Oh my god, that's so cool.
- That's sweet, that's nice.
- That's really cute, that's sweet.
♪ I'll treat you right ♪
- So tonight it's our huge charity event.
We still have a bunch of balls up in the air,
and I am freaking out.
- How are you!
- It's our prince charming!
- So this client knows what he wants,
he wants it now, he wants it when he wants it
and we have to give it him,
otherwise nobody will want anything from us ever again.
- Liz?
- The cupcakes are here.
- Bring 'em out.
(gasping)
- Cupcakes look amazing.
The cupcakes look amazing!
- [Liz B] They're wearing little bikinis!
- [Liz G] They're ready for the pool!
- This is not what I envisioned.
- [Liz G] I'm all about work
and the work we put into these cupcakes
are really paying off in an amazing way.
- These cupcakes are having a party.
- Brad!
- Brad is so confident,
he's like a completely new dog.
(barking)
- When push comes to shove
I wouldn't trust my dogs
plastic surgery with anybody but Doctor Armon.
- Brad, you look absolutely gorgeous.
- The event cost $20,000
and it brought in $4,000 and I feel foolish.
- To see these cupcakes
and brad come together in such an amazing way,
makes me realize how important
your friendship is to me
and I love you so much.
- I love you too Liz.
(straws slurping)
- So this morning we have a meeting
with like a very demanding new client.
The CEO of cultured yogurt water,
and Liz better wake up.
- Yogurt water, I love it.
- I think like a lot of women
really want to drink something that's like medium thick.
- Try it
- I'm gonna try it, if you don't mind.
- Like I lie in meetings a lot it's true.
I like the idea of just like
sucking down one of these little things.
But like in this case I really do hate water,
like, I hate it.
- It's like very exciting
to be trying a new beverage.
- I love it, it's delicious.
- Thank you-- - I like water,
but I want that sour taste
that like only yogurt can bring.
So what could we do to help promote your product?
Lets see (snorting)
Oh I just had an amazing idea!
What if we did an event?
- Liz, sorry, you are a genius!
- I love you
- I love you too
- You're my best friend
- You are my best friend.
- Here's what I'm thinking we should do.
Cultured water is like, very cultured.
And like what is the most cultured thing? (snorting)
Oh my god England, London, England.
- Oh my god I love London, England
- So it's like a theme party
all about London England and culture waters.
- And then have like Adele perform!
We should have Adele perform!
- I mean, I think Adele might be a little expensive,
so maybe we should think of other--
- I could perform then, I could do it.
I could actually just complete the performance
I could do it, I could perform.
- Amazing. - Lets try it.
♪ I would love to sing at your event ♪
- Wow! - Well that's proof positive
right there that we should think of a bunch of options.
♪ I'll treat you right ♪
- [Liz G] So the party is going like, amazing,
like everything is like really English.
- Hey, oh my god, how are you?
Thank you Casandra!
- I just like don't know
if Liz could like, bring it.
- I'm backstage totally calm,
and ready to take on the performance.
- I think what were doing
is just like building anticipation.
You know, that feeling of like,
oh my god, is this gonna happen?
Is it gonna happen?
- Is it gonna happen?
(whining)
- Oh my god you look amazing!
Are you putting on weight?
- Wait, what?
(high intensity dance music)
- The client is ready
and then she's super demanding.
She knows exactly what she wants
and like what she wants is a great night.
- Liz, I feel like you think I am not gonna deliver.
- Oh my god.
- Why would I put our business at risk?
- Like if you don't wanna perform then that's fine.
- What?
- Of course so then like just do it,
its gonna be (mumbles) - Right, so I will!
- I'm like freaking out.
Am I gonna have to get up there and sing myself?
I have a beautiful voice,
but I have not sang since my bar mitzvah.
- Oh my god, here she is.
♪ Look at me, don't look at me ♪
♪ I'm the one who knows who's me ♪
♪ I'm the queen, the queen of me ♪
- Oh my god my voice sounds amazing.
♪ I am the queen of me ♪
- I always had total faith
that Liz could deliver and she did.
♪ I need a drink ♪
♪ Of that water ♪
- It's like so on brand,
it's like perfect for culture water, right?
♪ I'm the queen, the queen of me ♪
♪ I am so me, so me to the extreme ♪
♪ So just let me be me ♪
♪ I am the queen of me ♪
To the land of England!
- Apparently they neglected
to refrigerate the yogurt drinks.
Everyone got sick.
It's been all over the internet.
(high intensity club music)
(straws slurping)
- I'm sure you've heard we're in the middle
of a class action lawsuit.
- I know, congratulations!
- No it's bad.
- Oh.
- It's really bad.
Due to Blisteritos causing
facial head damage
to everyone who eats it, volcano head.
- I think you're looking on like
the negative side of things,
and like lets look at the positive aspect of your product.
- Okay?
- This is like a healthy product
and it's like delicious.
- It is not healthy.
I can't say if it's delicious,
I've never eaten it.
- Yeah but like any press is good press.
- No this is unanimously terrible press.
- Really?
- Oh it's bad
- So the heads got like, ruined?
- 400 fatalities.
- That's it?
How about we just like dig into some ideas?
- Love it. - Like how does that sound?
- Let's hear it. - Like let's say
we put together a binder
with the name of our company on it.
It's not a big deal. (snorting)
Okay (snorting)
okay, how about this, okay?
Blisteritos presents, Dad Academy Graduation
Congraduritos Red Carpet viewing party?
- [Liz G] So the Blisteritos presents,
Dad Academy Congraduritos Red Carpet viewing party
was off to a blistering start.
There were so many amazing guests
at the red carpet.
A guy from Pennsylvania came.
- What's up weirdo?
Yeah, there.
- Keith Shaw was there.
- So I became a fashion designer this week
and I made these really cool bags.
- These are amazing.
- Yeah, they're really great,
they're not reversible
and they light on fire very quickly.
(murmers)
- Oh my god, it's Katy Perry!
(mumbles)
Oh my god, nice to see you again,
Liz from PubLizity.
Sorry my hands are so cold!
- That's okay
- I was like, oh my god, (snorting)
Katy Perry showing up?
Yeah, okay not a big deal, huge deal!
- I've been hearing a lot of things about Blisteritos,
and that they really like,
are painful when people put them in their mouth and--
- Those are like rumors and they've been like debunked.
Like completely like (murmers)
(mumbles)
So what we're gonna have you do
is just like walk the red carpet--
- You know what I really can't,
I didn't want to make a big deal out of it
but I actually have my own
flaming hot pop chip coming out--
- Congraduritos!
- I'm sorry, I--
- Blisteritos are really good,
you should try one, they're like actually like-
actually really good.
- Are you okay?
- It's really nice!
- So there's no other way out, right?
- Did you get one of these?
- Excuse me?
- Did you get one of these to hold?
- No, I sorry I can't.
I can't, this is a conflict of interest.
- Liz is pregnant
and she being like a real bitch right now,
and I met this guy
and he's like the guy from Blisteritos,
and like he's really nice
and he's like I don't (mumbles)
like if you don't walk the red carpet--
- I'm sorry, Ruth!
- [Liz G] Ruth?
- Ruth? - Ruth!
- Ruth? - Who's Ruth?
- Excuse me, I have to go, I can't answer
anymore of your questions.
- Oh my god, please!
No Katy, Katy!
- Katy!
- Katy Perry!
Caesars mom!
Hi! - Hi.
- Jeff from Comedy Matters TV, how are you?
- Caesars Mom!
- Wow! You must be so proud!
- So proud and a star on Dad Academy, you saw me.
- Incredible! - On Dad Academy, yeah.
- Oh what a night for Caesar!
- He's such a knight!
My baby's here, has he told you about Mom Academy?
- No he hasn't said a word!
(mumbles)
It's incredible for a toilet baby to come this far.
There's really nothing wrong with this stuff
(straws slurping)
- Oh, your cars outside
for your meeting with Tommy Rothchild.
- Tommy Rothchild was our newest client
and we looked him up on Google
to get more info on him,
and there was nothing there,
which means he's like ultra important
and like full of mystery.
- If this client comes through
I might never have to tell Liz
that I (bleep) up our cash flow.
(straw slurping)
- Have either of you heard of the Illuminati?
You know, world leaders, CEOs, movie stars.
- Of course, those are like our main client bank.
- I need you to organize
a top secret event for the worlds most powerful people.
This is a party for the Illuminati.
- When I hear the word Illuminati,
I hear like, naughty,
what if this party was like naughty?
- We don't want this to be a sex party, but--
- This isn't a dirty little party
like it's a naughty little naughty party--
- No.
- All right. - Great.
- Have I mentioned how beautiful you ladies are?
(laughing)
- I love your bangs.
(mumbles)
- And just like as a matter on course,
like we should probably be discussing
like payments forms
which like need to be due to us.
- I'm all about work and she's all about fumbling.
Right now Liz is like all about business.
- Just to be clear, you're certain you can get
these people at your event, right?
- Can you give me an example of one name
just so I know you can do this?
- Have you ever heard of--
- Barack Obama?
- The people I work with will be very pleased.
- At the end of the day
you're gonna get what you want.
- Would you mind repeating that for me?
- Sure, you're gonna (mumbles)
♪ I'll treat you right ♪
- Every single invitation to this event
has been declined.
- What?
We need to take a look at this.
Are you joking me?
Hold on, Barack Obama said no?
Lady Gaga said no?
Oprah Winfrey said no?
Oh my god, Macklemore said no!
(presidential music)
(electronic music)
- [Liz G] Between us, imma come clean.
That's not the real Makelmore.
Barack Obama, thank you so much for coming
as President of the United States.
Love to introduce you
to our actual leader the lizard king.
- Tasty!
(laughing)
- Enjoy your lizard snacks!
- Hello Liz's.
(gasping)
- Oh my god! - Oh my God!
Tommy's entrance like blew me away.
- Like, what do you think of the event?
- Everyone here is just a celebrity impersonator
besides Mitt Romney.
- Oh my god. - Thank you.
- That is so kind to get positive reinforcement.
- What are you talking about?
This party sucks.
- Honestly Tommy.
- Honestly like basically--
- Honestly Tommy it's like
- When might we actually be paid
'cause that is a pressing issue.
- How about never? - [Man] Go!
Get the photos!
- Wait!
- Wait a minute.
- These aren't even the Illuminati.
- Why do you have like flap over your gonker?
Are you afraid someones gonna like
bonk your boinker or like?
- Do you know who Tommy Rothschild is?
Like what's his skill, is he like a gentleman
or is he like a bad guy?
- He's my brothers friend from college.
- Well somebody's gonna have to give a payment to Casandra.
- Casandra can't find us.
- Are those goggles prescription?
- Even though we didn't get to confront
the secret kabal of pleudocrats
who control the entire world,
it was a pretty good party.
- The party was like a bit of a bust,
but like-
- Right.
- I want you to know like,
really amazing to see you like,
become like the business woman
that I like always suspected you to be.
- You're my sister and I want you to know
that I (mumbles) all the money.
- I'm sorry what?
- (yelling) You lost all the money!
- Yeah
- The company is ruined and guess whose fault it is?
Liz.
(dramatic music)
(straws slurping)
- We have a meeting with like a super rich client.
He's so busy that 6am is the only time he could meet.
- Liz!
- Yeah?
- Honestly, you need to wake up!
- I'm sleepy.
- This client could be the one who
changes the game for us.
Because honestly, our company is out of money.
- The company is in trouble
and I'm gonna save it.
Even if it means that we have to
work with the devil himself.
- All right, lets get this consultation shnarted!
Right?
(laughing)
- I love your show, I'm a huge fan of your show.
- Oh my god! - Oh my god, thank you!
- Honestly I'm modest, I'm like bashful.
I'm like modest.
- You're so shy and small
and you're so loud and huge.
- Oh my god, thank you.
- I need to do a full conversion to Judaism
and I'm gonna need it done now.
- Oh wow.
- Well that's cool.
- Ever since I flat lined like,
I just love Jews, you know?
Like they're so funny.
- So I need to become a man or whatever
so that's bar mitzvah?
- You're gonna have a bar mitzvah!
- So I'll learn Yiddish
and then get carried around on a chair by men.
- Oh my god, welcome to the tribe!
- What I'm hearing is that
you wanna have something like fun, that's like Jew.
- You know, Jumanji.
- Jumanji.
- But respectful to the religion of Judaism.
But like also just disgusting.
- Jumanji is one of my favorite Bonnie Hunt movies
that there is.
- I have tons of money.
- You are literally such a stud.
It's like, what the hunk?
- Thank you
- Thank you.
- There's gotta be a Christmas tree at some point,
because otherwise my parents won't pay for it.
- I think it's really cool that
you're gonna have christmas
at your own bar mitzvah,
because like honestly I'm just trying to say
whatever I can to close this deal.
- And then I need to get like brisked out,
I need to cut my dick apart.
It's like no big deal
because it's already a little diseasey there.
- Over the years my penis has become
kind of infarcted.
So like its gonna be good to just cut it off.
- He's rich, he's impatent, I'm interested.
- (snorting) Oh my god,
I just had an amazing idea!
Wendy Shaun, you're gonna have a bris-mitzvah!
- Oh my god!
- Did you just come up with that?
We'll get the doctor or Rabbi
to perform the bris itself.
- Oh no, my girlfriend's gonna perform the bris.
- Oh my god, congraduritos!
- Your girlfriend's gonna do it.
- The whole thing is about her,
I'm kinda proposing to her after I converge.
- Oh my god, that's so beautiful
so like you haven't locked it down yet,
like you haven't asked that specific Jewish woman like,
you could ask another Jewish woman and like,
there are like different Jewish women like around.
- Gonna be so farn!
- What?
- Did you say it was farn?
- Wait, what?
- Farn!
(church bell)
♪ He's Wendy Shawn ♪
♪ He's going Jewish ♪
♪ He's Wendy Shawn ♪
♪ He's in the tribe now ♪
- Hello, my family!
♪ I'll treat you right ♪
- Jumanji's is suing us
for using their font.
So at the end of the day PubliZity got stiffed.
- This company is done so.