G'day, A.J. Mahari here you know relationships with people with bpd
relationships with people of npd many people in their lives have relationships with
a parent that has bpd or bpd npd or you know a parent that has um npd or maybe for some people
like myself i had a mother with comorbid bpd still do actually i have no contact and a um father that
was a dark chief so that's malignant narcissism psychopathy being a psychopath and the um
probably and Machiavellianism but i also believe includes you know sadistic personality so
really what i'm just here to talk about in this video
is is that the super reality that a lot of people know about already but a lot of people might not
be facing yet or getting through or still trying to recover from whether it's a parent so a lot of
people start to talk with a parent you might not realize until much later you might you know or
not everybody with codependency in these patterns with cluster b's have a cluster b parent but so
many people do so often it starts there and then the next thing you know you're in a relationship
maybe it's it may be your first it just happens to a lot of people the first relationship could be
a borderline or narcissist or somebody a bpd npd and then sometimes people go on from that
relationship and or marriage get divorced move on to the next person in the course of life so many
people out there been with more than one cluster b so maybe somebody with bpd in a relationship
than somebody with narcissistic personality disorder then maybe again somebody with bpd
these are people that usually codependency severely and because they have a cluster b
parent so this is one aspect of it for people it's not the same for everybody
by any stretch of the imagination but the chaos the drama the stress of all of that
and the way that people with codependency tend to take that on is if somehow
like with all other things talking about codependency somehow like you're going to fix it
somehow like you're going to change it somehow like you're going to get heard or be seen or get
understood now here's here's the really people know this like i'm not saying brand new under
the sun here but i want to reiterate it for people to think about today and people are always finding
videos brand new to this figuring out what's going on in their lives what has been going on
whether significant other ex parent you know co-worker boss friend or all of those things
some people have this really unfortunate codependent pattern if you had a cluster b
parent in particular that will just go on throughout all relationships
and the stress of that as i don't have to tell people who can relate to this is beyond
unbearable just beyond and so what people have to really know about this is to recognize if
you haven't already your codependency and as i'm always saying to balance out the focus on them
and are you getting into your own healing recovery journey but even let's take a step back so there
are so many people out there right now that are having so much difficulty in their lives but but
maybe starting you know if you're here you probably know more about it there's so many people
out there that are still struggling no matter how much they do know or understand about this
they can't get out of the repetition compulsion patterns of codependency that obviously go in
that unhealthy bond with the repetition compulsion patterns in both bpd and npd and i'm not saying
they're exactly the same but there are so many people out there who are still going back to
the cluster b or a series of cluster b's in your life whether they're borderlines or narcissists
um could be a psychopath too could be a dark triad but the point is it's it's this continued
trying to seek what isn't there this happens for so many people and then maybe people are
you know in in a place right now where that's not what's happening but then there's the hoovers and
the reverse hoovers and you know the recycling of relationships and they're trying to understand it
and you know it i guess i'm just here to say the obvious in this video it's all
just impossible impossible to fix and possible relationships to have whether it's your parent
you know your partner whatever relationship type or your ex people really need to focus on their
own healing and but to do that you have to get out of the relationship or relationships if there's
more people than one in your life i don't mean sign more you would have one significant other but
you might have a parent you might have a sibling that also has bpd or npd you need to get out of
all those relationships that's something that can be pretty tough to do all at once something i had
to do years ago kind of all at once it just with a family abortion just you know when no contact
and kind of that involves everybody and people be you know untreated bpd and people with npd
these patterns are so ingrained make no mistake about it so are the patterns of those with
codependency different patterns but then it's that horrible dance in the middle it isn't a dance it's
you know but it but it's this always for a lot of people not always but consistently going back
whether it's just communication whether you're just trying to co-parent with that ex narcissist
in our ex or the bpdx or it's a family member or something else happens lots of people right now
it may be various ages you know maybe like could be somebody younger but 40s 50s and beyond
are struggling with the idea that if they have a cluster be parent somehow they're going to
end up being in the caretaker role and people do that people feel like they're supposed to so
what i want you to think about today in in whatever part of this you can resonate with
or maybe not all of like sort of what i'm saying about people have multiple
relationships relationship types with people bpd and or npd or comorbidity both at times
and also have significant other you know from one to another often but one is more than enough isn't
it so people with codependency need to look at the patterns and how do they go back to your childhood
but most importantly right now i've seen some comments on the channel recently too
that are very interesting because people think that people with bpd or even the narcissist
erroneously people think that when they are attracted to you when they've chosen you when
they pick you when you you know and you and you the relationship started and maybe now
it's years later or it could be just a little you could be not long-term long way into it
need to realize there's nothing special and i don't mean to put anybody down by any means no
but it's not because you have something special that they're gonna choose you you know like like
sort of going back to a video i did about are they gonna try to seek a partner the borderline
they're gonna try to seek a partner that's gonna be more like the self that they want to be or used
to be because they never used to be a self except for sometime in infancy or prior to the age of two
so people with codependency struggling with so much falls hope because here's what i want you
to think about you know when you are i would say you know severely codependent which isn't
everybody but even you know mid-range significantly or severely codependent
all these ideas of false hope all these ideas still even when people are out of relationships
and they're sort of no contact but it's not that complete no contact people are just continually
thinking somehow something can change magically somehow and i don't mean to insult anybody it's
just as false hope is what it is and it's also like i've said before it's the pursuit of chasing
a parent that didn't meet your needs in childhood why this borderline or narcissist in your life
right now or even if you've got to being you know the relationship is broken up but you still you
know people can't get over it like that and the other reason why it takes so darn long to get over
is because it goes back to something deeper and i know i'm giving this message often but what i just
want people to be aware of right now because maybe you are one of these people out there
that you've got a cluster b parent or both parents and that you've been maybe in a
series of relationships with a borderline then a narcissist and a narcissist in a borderline
you know and a lot of people have this going on in their lives they really do
and they don't understand why but you know i talk to clients all the time
they're starting to see patterns and understand things but their focus is understandably still on
multiple cluster b's in their lives sometimes it's co-parenting situations
and maybe with more than one x and and what's really compelling about that is how are people
with codependency going to find their way to the change that you really need because
the stressors in these relationships are just so multi-layered so multifaceted but among them
is not only the psychological stress and distress and the emotional you know upheaval and agony
but this can affect your physical health as well and i've been talking to so many clients
not just recently over the 30 plus years they may already have really negative health consequences
or or they're just starting to experience and a wide variety of different things
but some way more serious some that aren't going to just be able to be brought under control or or
resolved when people get out of the relationships and get into their healing recovery journey so
just know if you're living or you've always been living in a world of chaos since childhood and
in your adult life with a partner or or more than one partner you know one one after like you went
to the next relationship um and with other people in your life whether you're aware of it or not yet
you know you you're going to totally be so lost to yourself because you are trying to you know you're
worried about what all these people think of you and you're trying so hard to please everybody else
and just keep the peace and are you aware of how much the borderline untreated or the narcissist
is knocking you down narcissist triangulating people with bpd just needing you so
freaking much and trying to call it love the impossibility for people with codependency
of these relationships in any relationship type is what you really got to start to think more about
and realize and understand that yeah there's compelling questions like why why why did this
person or the partner or the ex or the parent or the friend or the sibling why do they always do
this that the other thing what's at the bottom of this for you as a codependent if you're still in
any one of these kind of relationships so multiple ones in your life as many people are is that you
are you don't you have a dysfunctional unhealthy relationship to yourself not your fault happen in
your childhood it's what you need to heal now though and you need to know that you
deserve so much more than chaos and drama and heartache and pain and frustration and never
being seen and never being heard and make no mistake about it for people with codependency
you have an addiction you have repetition compulsion cycles to this very uh pattern
that sets you up your own codependent pattern of your own agony and what you've already been
through and going all the way back to childhood sets you up equally as much as if you feel set up
by a narcissist or people with bpd are not working a setup not and not all narcissists are either but
i can't stress enough today if you're codependent and you're still in relationships that are active
parent with cluster b partner or ex or friend or you know or maybe more than one of these at a time
you really need to stop sit down hopefully watch more of my videos on codependency and there'll
be more coming and you need to ask yourself what is it about me that i don't know what
is it about me meaning you that you don't like consider um giving up attention or time to why
is it never about you and yet you're trying so hard to get your needs met maybe subconsciously
so that it is about you like that part but nothing ever comes back to you and you keep giving and
giving and giving and you're just getting hollowed out you're just getting absolutely
emptied out and absolutely beyond people's awareness with codependency hollowed
right out so as i've ended a lot of videos before i want to say to you again today
if any of this applies to you but there are people there that can relate to this
multiplicity of cluster b's in their life in all different relationship types it's a pattern
that you need to get into healing recovery for or it's not going to stop and it can be this severe
for people and so to to co anybody that resonates with this even in part but like if you're
somebody's got all this chaos drama going on times two three four five because you're co-parenting
with maybe two x's that were cluster b maybe you have a parent that's cluster b etc what about you
when is it gonna be time for you and may i also just say one more time and reiterate for you guys
if you're codependent and you're having trouble going no contact
trying to get into therapy and you know a healing recovery journey and i'm out here to work with you
if i resonate with you i help people get through this i help people heal from the relationships
with cluster bees any relationship type and to heal your codependency i can help you find you
i can help you solve the riddle of why you continue to follow certain codependent
repetition compulsion patterns of externalizing out in a way that seeks reparation for all kinds
of pain and agony but in a way that you're not gonna get mad seen or heard you're gonna
continue to be hurt and hurt more and reparation is never coming your way from these cluster b's
you're never going to get closure from them you can work on your own like when i work with clients
we work on closure that's possible to do in your own healing and recovery journey that so
many people are hanging around because of why or not or just you know because you don't know what
else to do and you don't know how to break those patterns so if this resonates with you today just
know that one of the hardest things for people with significant to severe codependency to do
is to take a look at themselves is to really make a change in your life for yourself
and to get into a healing recovery process so you can know yourself better and what i really
want to say about that is i really know like when clients come to me some are more ready some are
more eager to get into that you know focus on tell but it isn't going to be easy it's going to be
challenging but it's so rewarding so if you're still running from yourself today and all of what
we described as all this other stuff going on with a borderline a narcissist maybe even a psychopath
maybe comorbidia borderline mpd and and it's just so compelling and you just can't stop yourself
there's impulsivity and codependence as well so think about it today and and just know that
there's never going to be a time where it feels right and i have so many clients say to me and
and yes when they book sessions with me they're starting down a journey this is a good thing
right but they'll just say i you know they'll tell me the their whole history etc and they'll say i
don't know what to do because they still have the patterns right and they're like but i just
can't take it anymore are you somebody out there today with codependency or you may not realize it
yet but it's significant or severe and you're at that place already or beyond sorry i can't take
it anymore when are you gonna turn to reach out to somebody for therapy what are you gonna turn
to that process take that action before it's never gonna feel right it's never gonna feel easy it's
it you know it's very very difficult when are you gonna make that choice for yourself or if you've
made it you're not continuing or you've gone back to the x or whatever is going on or you're
trying to leave an x i work with people wherever they are and i'm not here to tell you what to do
i'm just here to help you out so please think about this because people don't realize
how much it's going to affect you in the entirety of your life you're losing yourself
more and more to whatever your involvement is in the chaos and the drama and and you know that
stockholm syndrome aspect of everything it can start for a lot of people in childhood
so if this resonates with you even a little bit
codependents need to get into the action of their own healing and recovery even if you're still
with a borderline a narcissist or still in touch with your you know bpd or npd or whatever parent
you got to start somewhere and that somewhere involves you making a new choice today
so i hope for your sake if you haven't made that choice yet you'll think about it more don't think
about it too long though more more importantly people with codependency need to get into action
so if that's food for thought or helpful take care gotta make sure hit the right button