- Hey loves, how's it going?
It's Anne.
If you are new to my channel, welcome.
And if you have been following me,
well, I know a lot of you have been
asking me about my relationship,
and all that fun stuff, and although
I understand that I do not owe anyone
an explanation or tell anyone anything
about my personal life, I really don't mind,
you know, and I just feel like
it doesn't do you any good
if you just keep everything to yourself.
I used to be a very private person
and I feel like it doesn't benefit me
to just keep everything in,
although there are, there's a fine line
between what goes out there and what you keep
to yourself.
I just feel like if I can help anyone
out there going through similar situations
or just helping someone open a side
of their mind, open a side --
opening to a new perspective and just
helping them out, guiding them through
their life's path, then it's all worth it.
When I was younger, I wished that I had
something like YouTube or something on social media
where I can learn about other people's,
you know, personal path and see that other people
are going through the same struggles,
or similar struggles.
For those of you who have been following me,
you know we're really close when you see me
without my makeup, and I think we got to
that level of closeness. (laughs)
Okay, so with that being said,
a lot of you have been asking me about
where I am with my relationship
because my last video, I talked about a move,
how I moved into an apartment by myself
and Eric and I are no longer together.
According to YouTube time, it may seem like
a surprise, like this happened overnight,
but this was something that happened
in the past year, and I just didn't feel like --
it was still too new for me to talk about and share.
Vincent decided to live with Eric because Eric,
his father, and Vincent's my son if you're new
to my channel, so Vincent's my son
and he decided to live with Eric, his father.
Eric lives in the school district
that he wants to go to and his friends
are within that community,
so it makes sense that way, and plus Vincent
and I have been inseparable since the time
that he was in my belly, so it only makes sense
and I feel like it's fair that him and Eric
have some bonding time together.
He is always my baby, he is my number one forever,
and no matter what, he's always my number one
and even if he's living with Eric right now,
it's okay.
I totally trust Eric and I total respect for Eric
as a father.
I can only be happier if they bond
and they share more time together.
So I am totally okay with that.
So we have a good system going on.
It's not perfect, but it's a system
that we're all okay with and we're happy with.
With that being said, in the past few years,
it was, I'd say 2017 was a pretty tough year.
It started really rough.
I don't know if you remember,
if you have been following me,
I kinda talked about how I was hospitalized
the beginning of the year.
I stopped making videos for about a month
and a half or two months,
and I put it on my vlog channel.
I talked more about that on my vlog channel,
but I kinda had a breakdown.
It wasn't like a mental breakdown or something.
It was, my body just wanted to shut down
because I was so stressed that I develop a --
I barely ever have to go to the hospital,
I'm always super healthy,
but yeah, usually ovarian cyst happens
when you're super stressed
and my body was just so stressed out
that I shut down and it was just like
God was telling me like, "Anne, you need to stop
"everything and just re-evaluate your life."
And so that was what happened
at the beginning of 2017.
I just felt so restricted, like from growth
and I didn't know what to do because I was basically
living for someone else, you know?
I was just not living for myself.
I was not doing life for me, and my body
was just like, shut down mode
and I was hospitalized.
It was good because I stopped everything
and it gave me a little break.
It's a very emotional topic to talk about
and go back to because I --
my real self is always smiling, I'm happy,
I love to be cheerful, I'm silly, I'm super chill
when I'm happy, nothing really bothers me
and I don't get offended easily,
I don't get triggered easily, but the worst
version of me is like --
my trigger moments is when someone limits me
to what I can or cannot do
or have so much expectation set on me,
and although at the end of the day,
it's only me that is responsible for myself,
you know, I am the only person.
At the end of the day, I am the only person
that's responsible for my own happiness,
my own mindset, my self,
but I was not strong enough to realize that.
I was not strong enough to do that,
and although I understand it, it's just
when you're in that moment, it's really hard
to get out of it, and it's really hard
to just stand up, stand tall and do what's
best for you, because you're just,
you want everybody else to be happy, you know?
And so I feel like the last five years,
I knew what I wanted, but I was so afraid
because I was living based on everyone's expectations
of who I should be and what I should do,
and I was trying to make everyone happy.
Make everyone's life comfortable except for mine, you know?
I was living that, "Hey, try to keep this family
"together, that's the only way that you
"can be happy," and it wasn't.
And I was a terrible --
I was not proud of who I was becoming.
I didn't look forward to life at all.
I was just, most of the time, in bed.
I was depressed, and it's hard to go back there
because it's not like a proud moment
of who I was.
When you wake up in the morning,
you don't look forward to doing much
and you just do what it is you have to do
to get through each day, so that was what it,
that is what it was like, you know?
It was challenging.
I don't wanna say it's hard, but it was definitely
a challenging phase in my life, for sure.
So now I'm living in West L.A.
It's more vibrant and fun here for me.
I feel more connected to this area
than I do back in the OC, but the OC
is driving distance away.
I drive back there all the time
to be with Vincent, to visit him,
and he comes up here, too, whenever he can.
So that's the dynamic we have now.
It's not perfect, it's not the ideal
picture-perfect family dynamic that you see
on television or that you were used to hearing
when growing up, but it's working for us,
all of us, and Eric and I, we are still
in constant communication with each other,
we still talk, we co-parent,
and we do the best we can.
We are getting along a lot better
than we used to, and our conversations,
our communication is a lot more clear.
We're not bickering or we're not arguing
like we used to, so it's a lot healthier.
It's a lot healthier environment than it used to be,
and I am happier with who I am now.
I'm more light, my energy is more light, happy,
and just, I look forward to every day now
than I used to.
So at the end of the day, I think
that's what counts the most is that,
you know, you look forward to being your best self
so that way you can reflect that
and exude that upon others
and the energy around you.
If I had continued my life
just being or feeling depressed
and just living for other people,
living for what people expect of me,
I would not be a good mother at all.
And I would not set a good example
or a positive example around Vincent.
And at the end of the day, what matters is
that he sees a healthy version of myself
and that I can be somebody that he wants to respect.
That's where my life is now,
and that's my relation shit (laughs)
...Situation, but thank you guys so much
for joining me in today's conversation.
It was interesting to talk about,
and I really don't mind talking about it,
opening up, and although it is,
you know, challenging to revisit feelings and emotions
of the past, it's also good to just let it out
and share that realness with people
who are going through similar situations.
We all go through shit, you know?
Shitty relationship.
Relation shit. (laughs)
We all go through relation shit,
and it's not a secret at all.
It's not a secret that we all are not perfect
and we do things that we're not proud of.
At the end of the day, as long as you keep growing
and you keep moving forward, that's what matters the most.
If you allow yourself to stay still,
or if you're taking steps backwards,
then that's when you really need to evaluate
yourself and ask yourself what is it you want.
Do you want this --
Do you want to feel amazing again?
Do you want to see the light again?
Or do you rather just fall backwards
and behind and just allow others to live for you
because, you know, people can only do so much for you.
At the end of the day, it's you who
is doing you, and you are --
you are
the creator of your life
and you are
the strength
that you give yourselves.
That is something not easy to do, but it starts
with your mindset of wanting, that desire to be
a better version of yourself
and if you are anywhere in the dark,
then just allow yourself to love yourself,
and that's where it all starts.
Thank you so much for joining me
in today's conversation.
I really love you and I appreciate your time.
Thank you so much, and I will talk to you next week.
(kisses)
Ciao!