- We live in, like you said, a rural area,
and the house next door to us was being torn down
so they could build a much bigger house,
and all this--I guess they had a bunch of snakes over there.
And all their snakes came to my house,
so within, like, a two-month period,
I found three rattlesnakes.
- How big?
- The biggest one was like yay big.
Like, it was 3 1/2 feet. - Did you count the rattles?
Do you know, like-- 'cause that's how old they are.
Do you know that? - I didn't know that.
- Yeah, by the-- it's a year a rattle.
- Is that right? - Uh huh.
- This had a lot of rattles. - Yeah.
- It was big. - Yeah.
What did you do? - Well, we have--
When we first moved in,
my wife was terrified of the rattlesnakes.
So we went and bought these big snake tongs.
They look like, uh--
Like, you remember the old grocery stores
where the old guy would be like--
like the thing, the grabber, to get the top--
Like the can off the top thing? - There it is, is that it?
- That's it, it's a big rattlesnake tong.
So I grabbed the snakes with the tongs.
And the last time it happened, my sister-in-law--
- Wait, how long is the tong?
- It's a long tong.
[laughter]
I don't know, it's like five feet long?
[laughter]
It's a five-foot-long tong.
- As tongs go, that's a long tong.
- That's a long tong. - Yeah.
'Cause you kind of want the snake as far away as possible
when you're picking it up with a tong.
- You do, and they're strong.
Like they flatten themselves out when you get 'em,
and they're strong, so this snake--the last snake--
was like grabbing and striking at the thing,
and my sister-in-law--who was in town from Brooklyn and
had obviously never seen a snake before--
sort of froze, and I thought she was very calm,
and I sent her up the driveway to go get a garbage can,
so I could take it to Animal Control--
put the snake in and take it to Animal Control.
And she walked so slow, and I was like, "I got a snake!
I got a snake! Go!" [audience laughter]
And it was-- she was so calm about it.
[audience laughter]
- By the way, I want to say that--
A lot of people kill the snakes.
They're not-- - Don't kill the snake.
- Don't kill the snakes. I do the same thing,
and we've found some on our property up north,
and the thing is--
I wouldn't do it with a tong. I'll have someone else do it.
But, um-- - Call me.
- But um--but yeah. Put 'em in a can,
and Animal Control will come pick them up
and send them far, far away.